>>2822
My idea was to ease her into it. I'm probably the most understanding person regarding this issue she has met, and I want to keep interacting with her until I build enough trust so that she will be more comfortable facing those issues.

It will be tough and possibly yield no results, but I'm willing to risk it for now.

>>2823
Just be up front with her that physical intimacy is important to you and you would like to work toward it. You can't just "ease her into it." It's not your job to do. It's a collaborative process between her and you. Respect her by letting her know that you would like to work toward greater intimacy.

>>2824

The thing is we are not even dating, and I'm pretty sure that if I brought the subject of physical intimacy up she would take advantage of that fact to make distance between her and me. To flake out, and choose the easy way out.

Or I could do it, but it should be at the right time. I have the feeling she wants to open up to me, but still doesn't allow herself to trust me enough to do so. So if I brought up that subject now, she would close up.

>>2825
Sounds like you know her well enough to know the appropriate and respectful way to approach the subject. Good luck, I hope everything works out well for both of you.

Oh lord, I feel like I've ran into this girl before.

She might even be the same one. If so, run for the hills. There's nothing but trouble coming from her.

You should probably try to apply 'Non-Violent Communication' to your relationship. If you do, it means that you can help your girlfriend as well as you; which basically will save time arguing.

Often arguing and talking is just a cover for really obvious and blatant things. A degree of talking, explaining, and justifying is fine, but you do not have to explain or justify everything.

It'd probably be super helpful if you both saw a relationship counsellor together.

Yeah, couples' counseling.

Last poster is right. Stop drinking, totally if you can, it only makes you sink in doom and gloom.
Exercising is good, it makes you feel good, endorphines and stuff. Maybe jogging? Eat healthy, fresh stuff if you can.

The drinking, exercising and food stuff is very practical, it WILL make you feel better just because it's good for your body, and not because you're down. It would be a good base to build on, at least in my opinion.

Don't obsess over your virginity, don't make it the ultimate goal to lose it. If you get close to someone at one point, don't go all the way too fast, build it up over time days, weeks, months, your call).

Regarding the girl, I'm sure it's fucking hard to get her out of your head (even more if she lives with you). Maybe you could try to look for the qualities you attribute to her in other people? Once again it's very practical, but I guess than rather telling yourself "She's not that great, she's not unique" or "She's inaccessible, stop thinking about her.", you could try to work the other way around and see what brings the other girls to her "level"...

Smile, it's good for you (and agreeable to the other, who may be agreeable in return).

Easy to say, but don't focus on the past. Put yourself some goals. Travelling, maybe? Is there any place you have always wanted to visit? Keep moving, don't stay at your place. If you feel like staying alone, take a good book or a magasine or something and go read under a tree if there's sun...

The point is, change tangible things, concrete aspects of your life to affect the way you feel. That's what I did.

OP here. Nothing much has changed in the last couple months. I just come here to register my complete and utter sense of despair. I was seeing a therapist for a while, then I kinda stopped going. I dunno man I can't stop feeling like shit. I'm sick of feeling like nothing is ever going to change for me, and I'm scared to try anything new. There's no actual reason to feel this bad, I truly do not understand it. I'm the only person I know who has never had a significant other, and I can't stop thinking about it. How the fuck am I supposed to "act natural" and not focus on it when it's such an obvious fucking gaping hole in my life? What fucked little box have I squished myself into, what imaginary rules have I made up for myself that I don't even know about that are ruining my life? I want to feel alive, I want to feel in love with someone and actually be able to act on it, rather than being stuck in love with a girl who I'm sure must be so sick of my bullshit by now. My response to the ground giving way is to clip my wings, and I don't know why. I'm a stupid, ugly, pathetic waste of space and the day I die can't happen soon enough. The longer I'm alive the more it sucks. This is usually where I'd apologize for whatever reason but I don't give a fuck. See how shitty I am? This is why I want to die. I want to die because I think about killing myself.

>>908

I wake up from being blackout drunk with reminders in my phone to kill myself at the first opportune moment. Nothing puts a damper on your day quite like half remembering why you're gonna spend the next half hour on the toilet performing one of the few human functions you actually bother with. It's scary to get "texts" from yourself where you are compelling yourself to commit suicide. I'm fucking scared, and lonely. I need my ass kicked. I need to go to a place where I don't have friends and a loving family, a warm place to sleep and all the food I could reasonably want. I need to go somewhere where I don't get pity jobs from friends who know that I only do the bare minimum to get by, and that my focus week-to-week is on getting to Friday, so I can chase myself down a drain again. The booze isn't the problem, I am. In my inebriated state I sometimes find I can almost meet people in the place where normal, not depressed people are. It feels so foreign. I'm so fucking depressed that my guts are churning all the time. I'm envious of everyone around me, because everyone seems to be happier than I am, or at least more competent in managing their own sadness. Fucking hopeless inept entitled undeserving brat piece of shit. I deserve to be dropped into Syria or some other fuckhole warzone so I can realize how terrible life can actually be for people with real problems. I'm a defective person, and I will never do the right thing. I gave up on myself years ago.

You put so much focus on a relationship when it won't change shit. I've fucked multiple guys who were depressed and suicidal and thought I was the answer. Guess what they were our entire relationship? Depressed and suicidal. Shocking. You just need something to focus on obsessively to distract yourself and you've chosen a relationship/sex because it's unknown to you. Sorry if this came off as harsh but I've already been there too. I was so obsessed with having sex and so depressed about being a virgin and all of it was so anti-climatic. I'm still depressed as shit even though I could get laid easily. Work on improving yourself. It's the only lasting satisfaction I've had.

>I was seeing a therapist for a while, then I kinda stopped going. I dunno man I can't stop feeling like shit. I'm sick of feeling like nothing is ever going to change for me, and I'm scared to try anything new.

Look, you intellectualise the fuck out of everything just like me. WHATEVER you do, you will find problems with, and you will be able to get back to feeling shit. You need to plough through this motherfucker and say something like "I don't care how uncomfortable I will feel, I don't care that I am scared to try new things, and I don't care that I don't know if this is working or not" and you need to get on with practical physical things. I'm not talking about exercise! I mean things that are not about intellectualising, things that are not about verbalising.

Go back to your therapist, make a commitment to eating well, make a real and consistent effort to get out of the left brain and into the right.

You are the only person that can change this; it's entirely possible and entirely doable, but the first cut will be the deepest- you just need to press ahead despite this.

If you had actually lost interest, you wouldn't have been upset enough to write all this crap about it. There is a big difference between not wanting something and thinking you aren't good enough for it, which is what you are clearly doing.

The best thing you can do to dispel self-doubt is make it harder to believe. Go talk to some girls. On a website if you have to. As long as you talk about something that isn't yourself, it's alot easier than you think to find somebody that appreciates your company. That's not a rule you can strictly follow, because people will ask questions about you, but from where you are, it's very difficult to avoid the trap of talking three hours of shit about yourself, and that is so tiresome that few will tolerate it. You shouldn't fake anything, but I'm not going to tell you to be yourself, either. If you don't like yourself, that obviously entails way more complaining than anyone wants to hear.

This sounds harsh because you have my problem. So, you have good reason to believe what I'm saying.

>>2806
I shouldn't really have said "lost all interest", upon reflection I've found it's more to do with me being afraid but I'm not good at describing my feelings.

However, I believe your perception of my problem is a little skewed due to the fact you share a similar problem and kind of projected yourself onto me a little bit.

When people ask me questions related to the topic at hand, I don't tell them anywhere near as much I posted in the OP, I just say "I haven't found the right girl" and leave it at that because it's the easiest thing to say. When people ask me about my hobbies, I don't drone on about that either, I appreciate there aren't all that many people into the same stuff as me and it can be pretty damn dry for those who aren't inclined to it.

Your hobbies are exactly what you should talk about. Many people will find them boring. You would be just as bored hanging out with them in the long term. But they're the only thing that can be interesting about you, because they're what you're passionate about. You do, don't you? If you don't find that stuff interesting, why are you doing it?

What you do in your spare time is why you get up in the morning. If you're not talking about that stuff, you're talking about some shit you don't care about, and that's exactly the kind of faking you shouldn't do.

>>2800 here.
On second thought, it doesn't even sound like friendship to me. It sounds like something I'd feel towards an acquaintance. Don't most people feel empathy and curiosity toward others..? I think there is something I am misunderstanding.

>>2801

>Don't most people feel empathy and curiosity toward others..?

If you honestly believe that, it may explain your confusion about this topic.You seem to come from an alternate reality where the average person is not obsessed with self and status.

>>2803
Isn't it possible to be obsessed with self and status yet feel empathy and curiosity toward others? I figured we were all somewhat narcissistic.

>>2746
It is fascinating. If I understand correctly (which I probably do not lololololol), to certain people, the word love seems to means less than the word like; friendship is deeper than love. We were saying similar things, but in different ways-- I assumed that sex without what you would call love was simply impossible to non-sociopaths.

If you know of any literature on the topic of the hippie view of love, I'd love to check it out. This shit be fascinating, yo.

 i am a sage fag

I generally say I love someone when I know I would mourn their loss if they were to die. The more I think I would mourn, the more I love the person.

If I wouldn't shed tears at the person's funeral, to me, it ain't love.

 i am a sage fag

Aw, come on guys. No advice on how to stop cases of limerence that will clearly end poorly or on how to stop craving the irrational joy limerence temporarily provides? I do not have any limerating problems at the moment, but if the past is any indication, I'll probably get a case of retard limerence sometimes in the future.

Limerating really is like being high... Ah, if only the feeling could be replicated by smoking a plant or snorting a powder.

I think having a crush on someone is one of the most wonderful experiences a person can have, I don't know why you'd want to avoid it.

If it's not something that could ever work out, then be proactive about meeting other people and in time you'll find someone else on whom to limerate and with whom you may have better chances of actually pursuing something of substance.

You're alive, you have emotions, you feel attraction to people. Embrace it.

>>2786
We can't choose who we're attracted to but we can choose how we deal with it.

>>2790
And how we interact with the person we're attracted to and how we set boundaries for how they treat us, how we interact with them, and what we do when we are with them.

>>2791
That was a super redundant post but please cut me some slack; I should be in bed right now.

>I still love her but not IN love, like before. My will is gone to tell the truth.

Ugh.

>I am the only stable thing in her life and her future looks not so bright right now.

Hmmm.

> She slightly has daddy issues... I mean she has a good relationship with him, but only sees him like 2 times a year for about a week.

Riiiiight.

>We hung once...

Huh.

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>>2657
-Her parents were never married. She grew up traveling 10 hours on a good day to see him. This was since she was like 1. The only "life event" he was around for was her high school graduation dinner and that was on accident.
-Also worries and situations are to different things. She deals with her problems in unhealthy ways that I have tried dealing with but ultimately difficult to overcome. Also yes it has gotten to the point where I have frequently paid bills for her.

>>2662

-That's still not really daddy issues. In that situation it would make perfect sense if she never went to see him.

-Well, shit. My bad. Should've said something about it, though. If you're trying that hard and shit's still fucked up, maybe it's legit too much for you.

Of course, that still doesn't make Girl #2 a very good decision. I think you're interested in her more as an escape.

Guys I am back. I broke up with Girl #1 and been pretty happy since. The bad news is I am still seeing Girl #2.

We have hooked up... a lot. It's gotten to the point where I stay up thinking about her. She talks about having me stay at her place for a night all the time. She wishes she could be around me more. The thing that bothers me is that she is still in constant contact with this "boyfriend," I don't know if I am putting my heart here just so she can get back at him or actually genuinely has feelings for me as well.

>>2756
Had this experience myself before. She just using you to piss of her boyfriend move on before it becomes a embarrassing mess.

Talk to him about what he meant by exception. I'll be the contrarian voice in this thread and say that if he's willing and has been accepting you despite your differences-- which any couple will have by the way, sometimes bigger differences than this-- then that speaks volumes about how he feels about you. Give it a chance!

>>2524

You can't speak for what he believes, there are many many different varieties of christians. He sounds like a very tolerant person, embrace your differences OP and communicate with each other honestly without being inconsiderate. You should know that he is also likely facing at least some pressure from his community to be with a christian if they are aware of you beliefs.

I guess what I would try to emphasize here is that if you want your relationship to be happy you should affirm what you believe without passing judgement on him. If he is truly christian he should understand that, and do the same for you.

Speaking as a non-christian, would it be so bad to go to church with him at least occasionally? I go on easter and christmas just to ease the minds of some of my family, sometimes the sense of community and reverence can be quite refreshing, depending on the church.

>>2637

As an addendum, perhaps he feels that your skepticism is weakening his own faith. Suggest to him that faith without doubt would be certainty, which is impossible in this context. His being able to be in a relationship with you despite your non-religious spirituality could make him a much stronger believer.

I don't know if you'll ever read this but I might as well share my experience. I was in the same situation as you--mostly. She was a christian and I was an atheist (and still am, for the most part). Our relationship was pretty good, sure we had our ups and downs but we always made things right.

But she was never able to get over the religion aspect. She wanted me to go to church with her, and I did. I didn't really get anything out of it, mostly it just made my own beliefs firmer that I definitely wasn't a christian.

Now if your boyfriend is anything like my ex, he is pretty firm in his beliefs and won't be changing them any time soon. Whenever I tried to talk to her about my beliefs it made her extremely upset, and it seems like it's pretty much the same for you. Honestly, this gap between you two probably won't ever be able to be closed because your feelings about religion and his will always clash, and the only way I ever see it getting better is if either of you adapt one another's view about religion.

So I'm just going to say this how it is and not fluff it up too much: your relationship isn't going to work out. Multiple reasons.

1) Christians are supposed to marry other Christians. As someone else has already mentioned: it's the whole being equally-yoked thing. A Christian cannot expect to have deepest intimacy with someone whom does not share what is supposed to be the most fundamental component of their being: namely relationship with and salvation through Christ.

2) He's an idiot. This isn't your fault. He never should have dated you in the first place if he actually had convictions regarding your lack of piety. Chances are he acted like he didn't care because he really liked you and figured he'd bring you around eventually - standard immature tactic - or he's since become more serious about his faith than he was when you began. Missionary dating is the colloquial term for Christians who date non-Christians in hope of 'converting' them. It is foolish and unbiblical. There is nothing he can do or say that will incline you to become saved - it is solely the grace of God at work. His expectation of you to attend church with him further demonstrates his immaturity, as he'd realize that church technically isn't a place that unbelievers are supposed to go. It isn't a problem if they go, but a Christian expected an unbeliever to go to church is like someone expecting their cat to jump in the bath - it is a naturally incompatible environment for an unsaved person - spiritually (from a theological point of view) and socially (from an unfortunate, social point of view).

So he is obviously an immature Christian - the absolute worst kind to deal with. He isn't going to drop his faith or affiliation, so he's never going to be comfortable with you in your present state. He was also terribly immature, both in a spiritual and relational sense, so date you under the presumption that he was somehow going to change you. I never ceased to be amazed at how futile people are in dating someone with the intent of changing them. It is self-defeating. Drop him now if he doesn't drop you, because one of two outcomes is inevitable, and you won't like either.

1) He's drop you. He'll eventually realize that this isn't going to work for him and drop you, and the longer you're together the more painful that becomes.

2) He'll never grow the necessary spine to break the relationship, because he is terribly codependent upon you yet likely spiteful or passive-aggressive toward your obstinate position against his faith, and you will probably become disgusted with him and drop him then. Of course I'm making great assumptions on his person, but I see this kind of thing all the time and it really aggravates me.

So, I am sure what I just said could be terribly misinterpreted. I was being very blunt, and if your immediate response is in indignation or insult then you probably misinterpreted, so go read it again a little more carefully and try to read it in the most positive light you can manage.

As a sidenote: good Christians are the ones that do insist that they have the true path. It is a core tenant of the Christian faith (John 14). The monotheistic religions are intrinsically incompatible with the religious pluralism - i.e. all paths lead to God/salvation/happiness/whatever - that characterizes western collective thought today. It's more colloquially referred to as 'tolerance' but tolerance is not mutually exclusive with assertion of truth, philosophically speaking. He has been quite tolerant with you if he has dated you in spite of his disagreement with your beliefs for over a year. If you want to date someone who really doesn't care what you believe, go date a Buddhist, Hindu, or follower of any other Eastern religion. Religious pluralism is compatible with their beliefs. Alternatively, it would probably be in your best interest to date another deist like yourself. Hope this is helpful. I wish you all the best.

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People who say "tenant" when they mean "tenet" should be thrown into a lake of fire to suffer for all eternity.

Are your hobbies and interests very short-term too? I think you're just trying to avoid deeper and longer-term relationships with people. It's kind of quantity over quality; the one thing that everyone in the world needs to know is:

Do you have a problem with this or not?

>>2734
Yeah, I get huge passionate bursts followed by a slow disinterest until my passion rages for a different thing and I forget all about the first.

Okay. Well the intense feeling at the beginning is a short-term thing (as you know) and it can't last for too long. Change what you're thinking about (girl or hobby) and it might feel slightly different; but you're the constant here and it just means that you need to change how you approach the situation a little; otherwise you will become this cycle; doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

If you want a long term relationship; or even to have feelings that last for longer... I think you need to slow down. Slowing down is often about remembering, whilst going fast is often about forgetting.

In my own experience, quite recently too, I noticed that I live on a very short-term basis, I act on whims and don't have any clear structure to achieve 90% of the things I want. This has been obvious and thorough in every element of my life; generally speaking you could call it a 'Low Frustration Tolerance'. It's meant that a lot of life goals (finance, learn a language, stable relationships, etc.) all function on a short-term basis; I had no staying power with anything: well I had some good staying power with things that made me sad.

I think it'd be a good idea to work on getting a High Frustration Tolerance. This means you can do shit even if you don't feel like it; it means that you can do shit for the sake of the long term goal; and it means that you'll stop bailing out because 'trap porn is better than a human being'.

It's pretty common actually, particularly if you're young, which I assume you are, since most of the userbase seems to be early-20s. It could be as simple as you're just dating the wrong girls for you or you could have some issues with connecting to people on a deeper level or a combination of those and/or more things. Only you can really answer those questions. But keep in mind that lasting, fulfilling relationships do require work as well as compromises. Your boredom could be a reaction to the point in relationships where the newness wears and actual emotional intimacy is required, which can be scary at first. Your coping mechanisms let you avoid intimacy, but unfortunately it also prevents you from ever truly bonding. So, unless you want to perpetually hop from girl to girl every few months, this is something to consider.

And she posted this on facebook? Why would you post about dicks on facebook? God, I hope she hasn't friended any relatives.

Me, I would send her a message calling her some rude word or other. After that, I'd try to just forget about it. PS: I doubt the guy she boned had a dick as big as she claims he did. Seriously, getting smashed in the cervix ain't fun.

> But seeing as it was so long ago, I figure that I won't bring it up.

So, it's acceptable for her to bring it up, but it's not acceptable for you to bring it up?

I think that I would ask; I'd be curious as to why and I'd dare say I'd be a little hurt. It wouldn't need much talking over though; it'd probably be a very short and concise conversation.

Just unfriend her and let it go. You're not dating anymore. If she questions why you unfriended her, then by all means confront her. But, honestly, consider this a good thing. You don't have to be friends with such a shitty person anymore.

Make a decision about your boundaries and stick to them. If it bothers you, tell her that physical closeness is 'off-limits' or something; if her being in your place bothers you, set a deadline for her to move out. Do this all fairly and adultly without any pettiness or threatening. Don't spend forever explaining yourself either; you don't have to.

I understand that you feel used, but have you anything else you want or need to say?

>>2515
Great going anon, I was contempt thinking they were just part-time employees who didn't know much about erectile dysfunction. Now you come along and I find out they thought I was some kind of sex freak looking for an orgy.

Well this whole thread has been one big flop.

SAGE has been used.

>>2518
No kidding. I'm kind of embarrassed to have been a part of it.

SAGE has been used.

Penis Pump.

No matter how fucked up, stressed, depressed you are, drunk, in a wheelchair, or being forced to have an erection against your own will, a penis pump relies on mechanics and will produce an erection 99% of the time. It's even covered by health insurance.

You're welcome. NEXT!

I was having relationship issues, sorta cold feet and just not getting along with my girlfriend at the time, and so I found it difficult to get in the mood so I got a prescription from my regular doc for.. Our little blue pill friends. Expensive though they did the job.
Then problems resolved themselves and no more need for pills - but bought some anyway for more monster sessions, from a website, cheap compared to legit ones and they are perfectly good. I swear on my artificially enhanced dong that this is not spam, but I thought I'd chuck in a helpful and relevant recommendation to Oz pills.
I did use a load-n-go anon char gable Visa card though, just in case.

Find a girl online who is okay dating someone who doesn't have much time.

If I were to tell you that you come across like the image you chose in your OP, how would you feel? Do you think that would be a fair explanation as to why you have this problem? Do you think that you are presenting this image to the girls, and then do you think that that leads to your problem?

If you get me, what image would you like to be more like?

>>2668
I don't think I present myself like the image I selected. That was just the only image I had saved on my phone. However, I wouldn't blame them if I came across like that image. But again, I really don't think I'm presenting myself this way.

The way I present myself to others I feel is generally relaxed, energetic, and a little serious. I can be a little moody sometimes. I used to be very depressed. Its something I've overcome through time but it can still get to me every once in a while. This has never come through on any dates however.

How did your last date go? Did you compliment her? Are you attractive? Do you go for women that could be construed as out of your league? How do you think you come across to women? Did they smile on the dates much?

>>2680
The date went well. Honestly. We had stuff in common, I complimented her and all that basic date stuff. I'm also an attracitve person. I dress well and get hit on by attractive people once in a while. There was smiling and no cell phone use.

Maybe its bad luck. Maybe the last few women I've dated just decided they're were ready to dat. I don't know. I just can't see what I'm doing wrong. And being ignored is pretty fucking hurtful.

Clearly there is something about you that attracts girls that aren't looking for a relationship. So take a long time to yourself and try to cut out the usual girls for a while. People feel what you feel, so try to look deep within yourself to make some changes. At least try to mix up your habits and just do things differently for a while. Maybe travel for a while to shake off the manwhore rep.

Then, seek the professional advice from some guys who know more about these sticking points than us, like the guys at Real Social Dynamics. Check youtube.


>>2646
you serious? Shit on his advice and then tell OP to hit up craigslist?

>You seem to lack empathy.
Not at all. I'm a very empathetic person, sometimes to a fault. I wear my heart on my sleeve and will drop anything to be there for my friends. I'm pretty sure I don't need a plant to cure me of sociopathy (which I certainly am not!)

> Unfortunately, it is common for American women to hold onto this conceit well into their fifties, so you may be looking for a while.

Tell me about it....

>Oddly enough, your best bet may be craigslist.

.....You're joking, right? Maybe OKCupid, but.... Craiglist?

>>2652
This sounds like some sound advice. I might go out Saturday with a woman who I've known for a bit, but who doesn't have much contact with any of my main social circle, so I doubt she's heard any stories from any of my chick-friends about my Charlie Sheen-esque exploits (and furthermore, my lack of relationship history). Still, I will continue to reflect on myself and what I need to do to show people that I'm not just some player with a bad case of sexual compulsion.

Yes, I'm dead serious about going to craigslist.

Women of okcupid: average. In other words, status still matters to them.

Women of craigslist: desperate. They wouldn't be there if they weren't starving for genuine human connection. It is true that this means they might be crazy, but you will eventually find somebody you can be comfy with.

Everytime I've ever met a girl from okcupid, hoping for a meaningful relationship based on our common interests and beliefs, she's dumped me the day after we fucked.

Everytime I've ever met a girl on craigslist, hoping for a quick fuck or maybe a FWB, I've wound up with an adoring girlfriend. True story man, I promise.

"You're ugly, I just fucked you because I heard from others that you had a nice dick. People would think I'm crazy for dating you."

Not all women are always looking for a long term relationship. Okay, I'm sure that you are all of these good qualities; but there's a good chance that you're one considered as one of those guys. What do I mean by that? One of those guys that's pleasant and good in bed; short term. The way that you have learnt to exist in your particular context has pushed you into the realm of casual sex. This sentence, apart from the first two words, is correct and what you need to pay attention to. I know it sounds like some sort of daft rule that people would think her crazy, but if you are that guy "have sex with him he's got a nice dick", then it means that these people don't think of you as that guy that has a nice EVERYTHING.

I have some ground breaking advice here.

You can say no to sex.

And you have to start saying no to sex. I mean what about your feelings? Surely it's actually hurting you to be in this position. And people are incredibly good and landing particular roles. Have sex with three people in a month and suddenly; you'll fuck anything! you're the village bicycle, etc.

You seem to equate sex with relationships, as if your ability to get sex should equal an ability to get a girlfriend. You have to learn how to do things differently now.

I would also suggest looking outside of this circle of people that see you this way, because it's probably very sustaining.

>>2652
Might have something here. Maybe you attract a certain type of girl. It seems like you illicit a specific sexual type of reaction from girls. This is not inherently bad, but it leads to obviously sexual feelings. Maybe postponing sex would help, like another poster said. I actually have a friend who is like you and when he postponed sex, it just never really worked out. He became friends with the girls but it never really lead to anything. He has not given up hope, however. I would advise you to do the same.

>>2621

You're a real expert at greentexting words into my mouth, but I was talking about screwing people you don't know, i.e. having sex with the person who is cheating for reasons they haven't explained to you.

They're the one making the decision to hurt their partner. You're simply making the decision to have sex. You don't have more information than that. If you need more to feel comfortable having sex with somebody, go right ahead an ask for it. If they're really so awful, it's not like it'll stop them from lying to you, too.

>>2625

>It takes two to tango.

No. That expression very nicely frames exactly why I don't think there is any meaningful culpability in being the person somebody cheats with. It's a holdover from a bygone era when marriage was a much more serious thing, to the point where it was actually against actively enforced laws to have extramarital sex. When this phrase meant anything, the ring alone meant there was no excuse, ever, no matter what's going on with that relationship.

We as a society have generally discarded that rigidity, because we know how incredibly damaging it can be, to both mental health and civil rights. Marriage doesn't mean the same thing anymore, and that's a good thing.

I've already explained this, but I don't mind underlining it; when I said the question was how you felt about "screwing somebody you don't know that well," I meant screwing sex-wise. Of course, screwing over somebody you don't know is bad, and you should feel bad about it, but you don't know whether any such harm is actually being done, and if there is, you are not the one doing it.

If an affair has destructive results, I would argue that Player 3 is a victim of the situation nearly as much as the person who was cheated on. They have fallen prey to a lie of omission, drawn into a relationship based on that falsehood, and had their reputation (and, depending on how the cheated-on reacts, their person) put at risk, all because the cheater could not bring their issues honestly and openly to somebody they were willing to get into bed with.

In any other failure of communication like that, we'd definitely say it's the quiet person's fault. I see no reason this should be any different.

You're going to work on heroin.

Nail this slutty trashheap woman, forget your ideas about morals - hell, you're on motherfucking heroin - soon you won't have any morals left, they are too expensive when you have to sell everything you own, and then everything other people own, to feed your habit.
I hope you get off it fast or die fast. Motherfucking burglars (you'll be one soon) should be vaporised (and maybe inhaled for the buzz).

Yeah, I am condemning you for being a junkie fuckup, but it's also genuine (if spite-ridden) pragmatic advice. If morals are your only obstacle here, well, you may as well do what you want because the morals will shortly be a distant memory.

For what it's worth (nothing!) I will add my voice to the school of thought who say it's a feral dickass move to make a play for someone who is in a relationship.
Yeah, it might not be a great relationship and so you might get it wet, but you're still a predator. It's up to her to leave if unhappy, and if you're applying pressure or temptation then you're a bastard as well, despite the fact that the most moral culpability rests with her.

I do realise I deserve a ban for this. Sage used because although you're soon to be a worthless bag of shrivelled-veined dicks, I'm a bag of standard dicks for making this post, but you can't stop your shitty behaviour and neither can I.

>>2666

After a certain fairly early point, I'd say there were vanishingly few people in Nazi Germany who could honestly say they were unaware of how awful their government was. People tolerate incredibly foul governments because they don't want to die, and believe they have very little chance of doing anything other than dying if they resist. I don't see you plotting assassinations or attacks on American infrastructure. You know you'd die if you did that, and so you sit around telling yourself that voting is good enough, just like everyone else suffering through our country's horseshit.

I'm not passing judgement, either. Revolution is hard to do. A bit harder than fucking someone's wife, and not at all in the same moral context. That's all I'm saying.

>>2624
>>2619

But OP knows what he is getting into, so part of the responsibility is shared. Just because you don't know them doesn't mean you don't contribute to a larger problem.

It's almost like monogamy shouldn't be our cultural default, or something.

Sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex.

What >>2647 said. Monogamy is pretty silly when you think about it. People feel obligated to be angry when their partner sleeps with someone else, but that's just a product of our culture. It is entirely possible to sleep with others without loving them more than your main partner.

>>2622

There is no idiot's guide on how to make your brain do anything. Psychological shortcuts are things you get from drug pushers, cult leaders, and motivational charlatans. Good advice will always sound like work.

>>2622
>how can I get to the root of the problem. (I can't afford therapy)
Do some research, there are tons of community programs that provide counseling services to low-income people. They are either free or on an income-based sliding scale. The free ones are harder to get into but if you're under 24, there are tons of free programs; if you're a university student, there are usually on-campus counseling options. If you're over 24, you're less likely to find a free program unless you're a homeless schizophrenic, but there are tons of options on a sliding price scale. Go to your doctor if you have one - or a walk-in clinic if you don't - and inquire about affordable mental health/counseling options, look into community centers, shelters, Salvation Army or other similar organizations... Basically, google, phone, inquire, research. There are counseling options available if you do some research into community outreach programs in your area. You will probably have to spend a few weeks on a wait list, but that's no big deal; if you've been dealing with this for 9 years, you can wait 10 more weeks.

Right now I am paying $18 per session for 10 weekly sessions at a non-profit that uses trained volunteers. That totals $180 spread over like 3 months. If my income were a couple grand lower, it would be $12/session and could go as low as $7/session for some people. My counselor is great, well trained, and the sessions are very CBT and results oriented.

>>2622
Studying psychology helps. That's how I learn about myself, anyways.

The most common questions therapists ask are how does that make you feel, what do you mean by that and why do you feel that way. Just ask yourself those questions when you aren't sure about something. Sometimes the answers you come up with will surprise you.

Try to think about why you are obsessed with this girl. What was so wonderful about her? Why do you feel like you missed a once in a lifetime opportunity?

>>2636
Yes.

Pic related. The movie shows you what happens if you head down the self-destructive path of perusing unrequited love.

I've had my fair share of shrinks over the years and all I can say is they're good for one thing: Prescriptions. All, ALL they do is ask you the questions you just did. It would be great to get an answer though, instead they just put up with me cause I paid for 45min of "therapy". Seriously, sometimes he just talks about what's on HIS mind, or simply the weather. Maybe I've just had my bad share of experiences.

She's single now, lives somewhere else.

>>2643
Hmm. Weird. Usually that sort of therapy works for me. They ask me questions I wouldn't think to ask myself and I come up with surprising answers. To each his own, I suppose.