I already miss you when you're here.

Can't you bring more to this boardlatioship?

OP again. I have to be more precise.
I have been diagnosed with severe depression about a year and a half ago. I'm on my medication and under medical supervision. Still i have Problems not yet solved.
One of these is, what for I am still living. I have firends, which might miss me, but aren't they better off not having to deal with me?

>>3203

Everything that's led up to the present moment, from your friends, to patterns in your behaviour (including reaching out for help, and not reaching out for help earlier), your value system, your memories, your knowledge, your parenting or lack thereof and even your visit to this board have culminated in you being depressed.

You should start experimenting with your life. And no, that does not mean self-destruction, cause that's what you've been doing that's led you to this point whether you've realised it or not.

Don’t be afraid to love people, even if some don’t love back. Fuck whether your friends will miss you when you're gone, you have no way of verifying that fact as a dead person, you can only hope (fantasise) or get bitter and think they won't. There are no other actual, real, answers to that question. The point is, that's a stupid fucking question. So ask a different one. Or, don't ask at all. Why should the way you live your life come down to some rationalisation in your head?

Lnow when to cut your losses and move on from all that you know. Take risks, make changes, but be very conscienscious and calibrate when you're doing it so that you start climbing out of depression.

It's not going to be easy. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't seen shit of depression. It's going to take longer than you think and you're going to relapse.

But, right now your current self has betrayed every part of your innate, human drive to find meaning in your life. You ought to no longer work for youself, but instead your future, potential self that you will one day become.

Drop EVERYTHING that stands in the way of you becoming that person. Sacrifice will be your mantra. Sacrifice everything, including your hope for validation from /docta/ about whether you will be missed, for that robust self-reliant, confident. not mentally ill (yes, depression is a mental illness for a reason, it's not just extreme sadness) person that you will become.

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>>3203

Because existence is not a burden, on yourself or anyone. It is the default mode. No one ever got traumatized by knowing a loved one was alive and well, at least not in the way they would be after scraping bits off skull and brain out of the carpet. Suicide can tend to be contagious as well.

Half my aunts and uncles have attempted suicide. I know that if I off myself at least several other family members may follow me. This cements the idea that I am a part of something greater than myself. A single grain of sand is easily swept away, but a quintillion grains can stop an ocean.

I'm sorry for being so cryptic, here's a short rundown:

I went on holidays with two friends of mine and decided to try and take things further with the girl. I believe she wants it, and I believe she has wanted it for as long as we've known each other. Hell, I even believe she still wants it and that only her personal issues are holding us back.

God fucking damnit. I wish I was better at swearing in English. I want to scream minute long sentences of expletives honestly.

In text.


Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Please reply and make a little more sense if you actually want proper help.

Alcohol is just going to make you worse in the long run, so try hard to limit how much you drink, preferably don't drink for a week or two.

>Goddamn women.

It isn't women, just one particular person that you have this issue with.

Also, although I understand very little, it sounds like you are waiting for someone else (waiting for a conclusion that might never come) and this is a bad thing to do. You kind of have to restructure your thought pattern, because what you are doing is not helpful. It is like waiting at a train station, without knowing if the train will ever arrivve. Your relationships don't have to be painful and confusing, and they don't have to be about you waiting.

Maybe once you are feeling sober you could reflect on what we have both written, the board might well be able to give better advice too.

I lied to the girl I used to like that I still liked her, and she thought it was weird cause she got out of a relationship recently and knew I was putting her on a pedestal. Additionally her conception of what relationships should be based is really getting to know each other first. I also lied that I was working on a startup with my friend Arvind...

It seems she only flipped when I gave her a gift and a car I wrote her....it was too soon after actually meeting her (we didn't know each other when I used to like her) and I stupidly said my lips were chapped or I would kiss her before we leave (dumbest thing to say....)

But you know what, OP, I feel better know than I have in any past attempts at girls that tend to end in relationships. The feeling of closure in failure is just as good as the fantasy. And fucking the fantasy leaves you more open to real world glory and power. Love and attraction are the weapons of other people. Giving in to them is not winnning, it's giving up. And you, my friend, are on the verge of loosing a battle.

We are not your cavalry. Only your advisors. You fight alone, unfortunately, for we are faceless counsel behind a screen. You must win this. You must win it to redeem your senses, self and independence. Overcome your autism. Remember, your obssessive love for her is a symtom of your autism.

I literally told her when you are ready, I will sweep you off your feet like no other future could ever exist.

>>3162

Hah, I am terribly sorry for my post. Re-reading my OP I can understand the confusion. First off, I would like to say that I'm not alcoholic, I just have a mild tendency to get completely pissed once in a while (say, once or twice a year). It's not a solution to my problems, just a way to blow off some steam personally. Secondly, I would like to say that everything turned out better than expected. As a matter of fact, it all turned out great and we are together now.

I am also aware that my issues are not with women, I'm not that kind of guy, I was just incredibly frustrated with her stereotypical fickleness and constantly changing her mind even though to me it was completely obvious that she wanted to be with me. If you'd like I could give you a short rundown of what happened, but I don't think it will be necessary or all that interesting to you. I do feel the need to point out that this person is someone who has been increasingly close to me over the past year and a half, not 'some girl I saw across the street that I am now completely infatuated with,' though I now understand how my OP kinda suggests that.

You also mentioned that it seemed as if I was waiting for someone, I understand how you could conclude that from my OP though I do not recognize myself in it. I have enough experience with relationships to know when to let go. It would have mostly been the loss of a close friend and someone that I had always taken a great liking to that bothered me. I'm not going to lie that it wouldn't affect me, but I do know that I would be able to let it go sooner rather than later. I'm sorry if I gave that impression, I'm not that good at expressing myself in English even when sober.

Anyway, thank you for your reply. The offer of help means a lot. I think I was mostly looking for a place to vent my frustration and the internet is sometimes more suited for that than friends. I hope I made more sense this time around.

>>3166

Woah man, I was originally going to thank you for sharing a story but then you got into the whole 'your love is obsessive' deal. I don't even understand entirely what you're going on about, but thank you for helping me experience what people reading my OP experienced.

You're only now starting to enter the proper good times. You didn't miss anything. Teenage years are severely overrated. Don't be the kind of people who never grow out of it.

Your 20's will be filled with adventures, blunders and insights if you stop being a pussy. There's nothing to worry about.

Your time is what you make it. You have somewhat more responsibility now than you did when you were a teenager (probably) but that shouldn't stop you from having fun.

Adolescence is the worst.

Now you're at the very beginning of figuring out who you are, how you interact with the world, what you want, and what's important to you. Your 20s will be a shitshow, but much less than your teens, especially as you approach your mid-late 20s.

30s are where it's at tho

Thanks for all the great replies guys. Someone recently told me that get all worked up because on some level it makes them feel important. Their job stress is almost like a dysfunctional badge of honor they wear, that so many people wear. The craziness of their life and schedule somehow tells the world how important they and their responsibilities are. I refuse to buy into that anymore, I used to. There’s no reason to get that stressed, it’s totally unnecessary.”

She was so right. I might get worked up before a public speaking event or a major media appearance because on some level I believe I’m supposed to be stressed, that the occasion merits it. After all, most people would be totally freaking out at the prospect. At this point, now that I have plenty of experience and confidence in my speaking abilities, maybe the habitual fuss is just that - a habit. A mindless, useless, unproductive habit.

I suppose everyone that has been said is true, and I can look forward to a life with less stress.

Sometimes it's just he's choice. As his friend, maybe you just gotta respect that.

Suicide isn't an easy choice. He probably thought it through. In my country, train suicides are probably the simplest. Reliable statistics on the likely mortality rate of being hit by an overground or underground train are hard to locate. Wikipedia quotes a 90% mortality rate for jumping in front of a high speed train (not when it is slowing down as it comes in to a platform though), and 67% for subway/underground trains, as people are generally jumping as the trains are slowing down coming into a station. For those kind of statistics, where failure means being paraplegic and not having the chance to kill yourself if you really did people yourself in a super bad situation, then you really got a go into in with a lot of hope. And since there is nothing after death, it's hope that the people around you will actually be more or less cool with it. He's not there to bothered by it, and he probably took your concerns into consideration. Just don't be a little bitch about it.

Anecdotally, the ease of jumping under a tube/subway train does make it an appealing method, although once again the unconscious survival instinct must be overcome in order to jump. Jumping just as a train comes out from a tunnel is the preferred spot as that gives the driver less chance for emergency braking manoeuvres.

You've already made an agreement with a friend. You either have to stick to that, or break that. If you break that, your friend will likely be upset. Having said that, it's not your duty to house her.

You can stand commuting although it won't be ideal; perhaps it would be worth holding out for a month and finding something that works for you both?

You could explain the offer you've received to her, and state (quite factually I might add) the practicialities for you. Mind, without stating that you want to. It might upset her, it might not (I don't know her) but if you think that she can listen and understand as an adult, this might be the best course.

For me, when I fap I think to myself, "yeah I'm probably not getting any today." But, if I fapped and a girl does come over, there's no libido, and she thinks I'm just ignoring her, when honestly I would totally date/do things to her, it's just that I have no more jizz left in my balls at that moment. Should I tell her the truth?

Like our society has a real double standard, men need to be sexually available 24/7, because the media has portrayed us as oversexed maniacs, so any deviation from that must either be depraved or intentional.

>>3170
Two things which can be done simultaneously:
1) Stop masturbating so much. Don't stop completely, because masturbating is healthy and it is important to be in touch with your sexuality. But do it like twice a week. Or only do it at the end of the day when you haven't gotten any that day. Don't masturbate before 11pm or something.
2) Make your attraction/desire clear, while also letting her know that your libido functions in such a way that if you've recently masturbated, you need some time to get back into things. Then just make out instead of moving toward sex. Or focus on her. You don't need a boner to fingerbang, son.

I made the tragic error of taking off all my clothes before getting a boner. Rookie mistake.

There's nothing less sexy than squatting in front of a girl with a dick that's only 1/6 its maximum size. But, its her fault for not working it well. I've been able to fuck fat chicks, cause they fucked me with their mouths to get me up. She sucked it like a crunchy pop.

So bam, I'm out the door, my clothes swiftly following, and I'm like, technically my dick did get wet, and I get home lie in bed and my skin smells like her cunt.

>>3179
You sound like the least sexy person in existence. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to get a boner either. How are you even capable of thinking/talking about sex in such a completely unsexy way?

>>3184

Quite so. It's quite a knack to describe something that badly.

Usually I go to the mirror and see if there's any gunk at the bottom of the eyeball. It usually collects there as dried tears and other filth that accumulate. I take it out with a soft part of a clean finger, and wash. It should come off like string cheese.

I don't know, you seem pretty self-aware... self-aware enough to realize your arrogance is a problem...

I guess just keep doing what you're doing: catch yourself any time you find yourself making assumptions based on arrogance and re-think whatever just popped into your head. Catch yourself in these patterns and re-evaluate as much as you can, with the goal of making it a habit to not just assume you're the best.

I've found in life that the people who are the most arrogant are the ones who haven't actually accomplished much or taken many risks, but have stayed safe and isolated. Branch out, start really putting yourself out there and taking risks, and pretty soon you'll encounter people much better than you, which is a humbling experience.

As an example: I was always praised for being a talented artist, people would always ask me to draw things for them, on school projects I was always the visual art guy. No training, nothing. Then as an adult I started getting hired for freelance illustration projects - real illustrating. I did alright, no outright failures or anything, but goddamn did I realize all the limitations, bad habits, and skill gaps I had, especially with figure drawing, shadows, and colour palettes. I really had to push myself to my absolute limit and bust my ass to put out work that barely scraped above "pretty good amateur."

So whatever you think makes you so great, put it out there into the world, start taking risks, start holding it up to the objective scrutiny of outsiders, and find things that will push those skills or qualities of yours to the limit. You will soon find that your supposed greatness has a ceiling, and there are tons of people floating waaaay above you, way better than you are at virtually everything you do.

Everyone knows that guy who is "the guitar guy." He's douchey, he brings his guitar to house parties, maybe he even plays live. He thinks he's great. But if he were to actually take a proper look at himself, he'd realize he has no idea what key he's in - he doesn't know any actual music theory, he only knows how to play certain songs. "Mind if I join you? What key are you in?" "I dunno, man, do you know how to play Helpless?" He has no ability to improvise, only to memorize chords. And those "gigs" he does? Playing for free at a coffee shop or playing covers at an open mic night doesn't really count as a gig. If he actually stepped out into the music scene he'd find he's not only not very skilled, his limited repertoire of covers makes him seem pretty unimaginative and boring too.

Try new things. Make a point of going outside of your usual habits and interests, explore things. Get a taste of things that you don't know much about; remind yourself how much more there is to learn, see and experience. Talk to people that know a lot about topics you know little about. Read a lot of books. Travel whenever possible.

What are you assuming? What are you arrogant about? How does it affect your life?

You kind of fucked up telling her you didn't mind if she wanted to kiss another boy. She may well have interpreted that as meaning that you want your relationship to be more open and that you'd like to experiment with women that aren't her. More likely she thinks that you just don't really care how she behaves with other men because you have no real emotional investment in her. 99% of people don't suggest being more sexually open to their partners after considering the nature of freedom. She's not overeating by not interrupting your offer as she did, not too much at least.

What you say about feeling yourself and being free is important, but for most people, and women especially, this means choosing to be with someone you're compatible with: Someone that doesn't suffocate you or you feel you have to act in any way but naturally around. You voluntarily want to spend the rest of your life, for the time being, with that person.


What to say to her depends on her herself. You know her best, if you think she'll understand the truth when she's calm go for the truth. There's no harm modifying the truth a little if you think your actual motivations will go over her head, something like:

'I don't know, I thought it was what you wanted for some reason and I didn't really want to loose you or have you feel uncomfortable over something so small.'

Would work fine and isn't a lie. Actually writing up to here I just though, did you just blurt this out like an autist? Please tell me this arose naturally in conversation. Well anyway, actions speak louder than words, if you want to make this go away quickly perform a gesture that shows her how much you care about her and where her affection is directed.

By the way, I'm curious, would it really not bother you if your girlfriend went and kissed another guy? I'd hate that. Update me something happens brah; I wanna see how this pans out.

If I were on the receiving end of what you told your girlfriend, my thought process would be "well, he's OK with me kissing other people. That must mean he is OK with kissing other people himself. He didn't discuss with me whether I was comfortable with that kind of openness in a relationship, he just told me, like it was all his decision. Is he out flirting and making out with other girls? Does he think it's no big deal?"

Pretty disrespectful to assume that you are the one who controls the whole dynamic. What you are doing is unilaterally setting the groundrules of the relationship. Instead of talking to her about what is or is not OK in the relationship, you are telling her what is or is not OK in the relationship. A relationship is a partnership, you don't get to decide whether it's OK to kiss other people, you and her decide together what both of you are comfortable with, what the rules and boundaries of the relationship are.

I understand that you were just stating your perspective, being clear about your realism regarding feelings of attraction, and being clear about your lack of jealousy. But you should have approached this way differently. You set it up like it was your decision to make regarding where the boundaries of appropriate behavior are in the relationship. But that's not your singular decision. That is the decision of the two of you together.

What the hell is your logic here?

Your girlfriend has a male friend about whom you have absolutely nothing to say other than that he's of no consequence.

As such, you decide to tell her that if and when she meets someone that isn't so uninteresting as this one, she should feel free to go flirt with him if she likes.

Further, you say, she's free to get a little interested in someone else, even to kiss them if she likes, yet you'll rule out her getting involved with anyone outside of the confines of your relationship physically.

Let me clarify: "Hey, if you meet someone cool who isn't me, you're totally good to go make out with them whenever."

How does that follow? And what's the point of telling her that apropos of nothing whatsoever?

Now why the hell would you follow up that bit, which you state,

> she misunderstood

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Both boys and girls unconsciously ask themselves things along the lines of:


Am I good enough?
Will he like me?
Will she want me?
Do my feelings matter?
Am I safe?
Will I be attacked?
Will I be hurt?
Will I be laughed at or humiliated?
Is it safe to ask?

She may feel the first couple on the list are jeapordised while you're making her secure with the last couple on the list. You gotta work within HER construct of the relationship rather than your own if you want to win her over and ideally she will do the same.

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I don't think you need to ask your ex anything; I think you need to take your analytical approach and tweak it slightly.

For one, select better girls to go on dates with in general—the more shared interests/etc., the better, obviously. Instead of just "planning on some platonic dates," try having group social events be a place to learn about others.

I think you should look more at your experiences yourself before asking your ex.

>>3129
I don't think it would hurt anything. You could be friends with her, maybe she'll teach you how to kiss while you guys are kicking it. Or help you date rape other women. See where this goes.

So now, I've realised I'm super attracted the stereotype of a super go-getting woman who will go and conduct scams with me. Just like the woman in American Hustle. Do you think this is an unhealthy desire? Can you offer me some guidance on this matter?

Two broken halves will make a broken whole more often than not, and despite your affection for this girl, it's clear that she's not in a position to return it the way you would like.

I think you have to be wary of your attachment to this girl; You have nobody and nothing immediately close, and this old flame of yours immediately provides affection and care in a way that you had been cut off from for your prison time; I think you're too willing to put too much of yourself into this effort on this girl's behalf, considering that she's simply unable to be the partner you want her to be.

Look at it from whatever angle you like, but the truth is this: You're only responsible for yourself, and she has to be responsible for herself. You can help her, but if she doesn't want to be helped, then you're going to get nowhere.

Not that I don't commend you for trying, mind! This girl showed you kindness in a time when you needed it, and that proves that even if she's so messed-up in the head right now that she can't fix her problems, she's at least worth human decency—but you can't expect miracles, and you can't expect them immediately.

Welcome back to 99chan :)

Consider the following. Suppose a rationalist criterion for thought. There is no self-evident way of supposing something ought to be or should be or should have been based on anything that is (for a more elegant exposition on this idea see the philoopher David Hume). Consider everything that has happened in your life. The whole lot. Now, there are objective facts here, to the extent of our memory's capacity for accurate judgement. You can't change these without harming your ability to adapt and so tolerate the world. If those aspects of the world are present before you, you can change them to some extent. For example, you can remove an uncomfortable boot from your foot if so you choose. You cannot, however, change the violence and emotional abuse your mother enacted upon you throughout your childhood. You can, however, change your beliefs about what ought and should be. You can tell yourself that it was a good thing. Even remembering torture you can fetishise the event. Often, if you don't have some underlying self-defeating personality disorder from your childhood this is safe to do and you won't become masochist. Rememer what your capabilities are. Remember their limits. Exercise those capabilities in ways that sustain your ability to use them when you find yourself in adverse situations that would otherwise cast you into situations you would be lost in without your conscious intervention.

Self-awareness can be a very good tool, and self-examination can lead you out of a lot of dark places in your own head.

Touristy stuff. Museums, art galleries, significant buildings, parks.
Find a nice sunny patio and have some drinks.
Tindr or some other quick dating app to try to score some poontang/weenie.

Find local pub, engage in chatter, play the awesome-from-abroad card, and see what you can't wrestle up in terms of interest?

>>3122
Why does your testosterone level matter? "I'll be less of a man!" Why does the comparative presence of one hormone the deciding factor in whether or not you want a long term partner? I have a feeling it is for other reasons and you are using this testosterone thing as a justification.

But by all means, go have your financial security (because having a partner with a second income won't help out there...) and your experiences. Alone. With occasional prostitutes.

>More of the world
Except for a huge - and arguably the most important - part of it, which is sharing your experiences with a loving, supportive partner-in-crime.

I had a threesome with a past girlfriend and an escort. It was her idea.

>>3122
>I just watched a documentary called the Biology of Dads
>just watched
I just watched one documentary and now my whole life is figured out!

Your testosterone decreases as you age anyway. Not to mention the fact that people in long-term relationships live longer and are happier. Numerous studies have been done on this. But by all means, listen to one documentary. Because testosterone is your one defining quality in life.

>>2771
Sometimes you just can't. She's busy at work and that's that. Other times, you just have to go balls out. Her time is limited, she needs to get back to work, she can't be seen flirting with some dude for 15 minutes. Like the other anon said, practice making conversation with people and, above all, practice being present and genuine. Avoid the autopilot small talk - when asked "how are you today" by a cashier, don't just say "fine." Give an honest response. Leading by example in this way lets the other person be more genuine as well and your interaction, however brief, will be more fun and more memorable. It's easier to add humour this way too.

The big misconception, I find, is that people think you need to talk about stuff to find commonalities. What kind of music do you like? What do you do for work? But that's not that good of a way to make real connections or find real commonalities. You can ask that stuff, sure, but not all back to back. Don't talk about stuff, talk about you and how you feel about things. Make it personal. Not heavy. You don't have to pour out all your deepest hopes and dreams. It's about being real about things so that you can both make a better, deeper connection, and find the natural humour in your conversation.

I would also suggest doing some volunteering or joining some kind of club or organization or taking a class. This has the double benefit of broadening your horizons on a personal level but also giving you a chance to socialize. Into environmentalism? Find a local non-profit that needs people. I've met two girls I dated for quite a while through involvement in an environmental NGOs. Or find an animal shelter. Or an immigrant and refugee center. Or join a local rec soccer team or tennis club or adult hide-and-seek league. Or take a language class. Community colleges release "ongoing education" pamphlets/schedules every semester, you can go take a French class or a pottery class or whatever. If your goal is to meet girls, take a class that seems like something that would appeal to girls more. Go to a local comic/game shop and take part in D&D games (surprising number of girls, at least where I live. I have no first-hand experience but a friend of mine plays weekly). Or take a drawing or painting class. Most art stores will be plugged into that kind of thing, have posters up and staff that you can ask about that kind of thing. Or if there is an art college near by, they will have a schedule online. It's a win-win because, best case scenario, you meet some girls. Middle case scenario, you make some friends. Worst case scenario, you learn some French or some basic oil painting or you help out a non-profit org. You can't lose, really.

I've also heard good things about joining a choir. A couple friends of mine are in this kind of hip-20-something-people oriented choir that sings choral adaptations of Radiohead and Fleet Foxes and shit. Maybe there's something like that near you. I've been to their performances and parties, the choir is two-thirds cute girls.

tldr try to fuck your cousin if you want, but weirdness might ensue. Also focus on broadening your horizons in general.

>>3128
I'd suggest it really is about commonalities if you want to go beyond being mere activity partners.

I am fortunate enough to have a war council of friends with their own expertise in running their lives that I can turn to for guidance. They are far better than any counsellors, psychologists or self help people I've been through cause they can connect with with higher ontological fidelity through our semantic interoperability. I run a udge–advisor system. There is julius (experimental lifestyle changes), nikhil (spirituality), david (self-help), ingrid (psychology), karan (personal development). If you can set yourself up something like this I can assure you you will feel happy and secure for the rest of your life. Nothing you read on the internet or book or consumer by media whether on the depths of tor or on radio will fulfill you like the counsel of great matches.

>>3134
To further qualify this, I recently decided to commit to an accounting degree (before ditching it for somethig else, but thta's another story). First I thought it wold look bad to change to accounting after an unrelated bachelors degree but then I thought it might look more thought through than others. So Why acounting? I have more life experience and it's given me certainty and clarity in my choice and commitment than someone who makes an impulse decison out of high school. Ive made a mature and considered choice after the course of a three year degree in a different contrasting discipline. I decided against studying psychology and social work cause I realised that mere. accreditation isn't a real, physical life gaol. And, I an get the skill set by practicing without the institutionalised theory which I do not enjoy or breeze through. I can learn personnable skills by being a personnable person but I can't learn accounting by being a nice guy.

OP, cut the drugs for a while, and don't listen to the binaural beats. I imagine they can trigger seizures. Consider calling a doctor or asking someone qualified whether or not you need to see someone about the seizure.

The weird thing is that your seizure should have coincided with the stimuli, so it's just as likely that the sound file did nothing and it's drugs.

The weirdest thing I've experienced on them are placebos.

>>3130
I've never told anyone to smoke less ganj before, but damn son I don't know of you're cut out for casual drugs.

Go to bed.

Go to a fucking doctor.

Well, assuming that you both want to continue having intense sex option 1 is obviously the best. The fact that this has happened before means that you are probably overly attached and need to exercise self control with your emotions, which can obviously be difficult. I would avoid giving her a dramatic all or nothing ultimatum, as you know that rarely turns out well.

How long have you known her? If she is reluctant to express interest other than wanting to fuck I would begin looking for another lover, you can't convince someone to love you regardless of how strong your feelings are. Next time remember not to love someone more than is wise, take it easy.

What worries me is "she doesn't want to be involved with anyone on an emotional level", I can't make sweeping assumptions about your relationship from what you've told us but this phrase clearly suggests that she is not interested romantically. Don't let me discourage you though, perhaps she has just had bad experiences in the past and you need to demonstrate that you're different from the rest.

Best of luck Q

>>2882
While I can agree that perhaps I am a bit overly attached, I have no intentions of introducing any kind of ultimatum. I won't put that kind of stress on her.

You seem to be under the impression that she is 100% not interested in anyone full stop. Not so. She acknowledges that it is a temporary measure, and in certain moments she's mentioned that I do stand out from the pack that seems to have surrounded her as of late.

I guess in the end, there's a certain chemistry between us that I can rely on. She'll be ready when she's ready and the best I can do is be there when it happens.

>>2883
Chemistry will always show through eventually, sometimes there's just a lot in the way.

That said, however, if you feel like you could lose sight of your senses involving this girl, perhaps you need to make a decision of self-preservation rather than self-satisfaction.

I would make the self-satisfaction choice, because I'm a sucker for punishment, and would do it with full knowledge that it might blow up in my face.

Do you go down on her? Have you both gotten tested, and, regardless, do you know how to use a dental dam? I'm a simplistic fuck and equate good oral sex with good communication. You probably already know this, but... just be prepared: it really, really leaves you open. Take it slow, and _not intense_. I'm a failure of a person, but I think if you never have before, and can get her off without making any sudden movements, she might see things slightly (and I mean slightly) differently.

Treating people as physical systems maybe risks ignoring the spiritual and personal, if there is one. But. There's a basic quantum mechanical law that my old acoustics prof cites to say that we're basically not as conscious as we think we are: "Bell's Theorem". There's basically no non-dry explanation, but it boils down to "You can't talk accurately about alternatives." I'm not a fan.

I guess I'd think about how it is you guys started having sex to begin with. Maybe try to figure out more about her, being prepared to separate your image of her with what a little bit of (call it depressive or pessimistic or middling-low-realistic) extended thinking might reveal.

Sounds like maybe she's got self-esteem issues. I've found that trying to talk around them or about them can just make 'em worse, and to some degree everyone's different.

You also might be like, "No ultimatums or bullshit, right? If I'm nagging just tell me to stfu, and maybe gtfo until one of us calls, and I won't bring it up again. I think this is important but not as important as our friendship. Here's kind of what I think might be happening here: You're not comfortable being treated like you're perfect because it might blow up in your face. A lot of people end up using some really unpleasant emotional judo to remove happiness by 'caring'. Maybe it's no one's fault; it's just how the wavelengths work out, right? But I don't want that, and I don't think you want that, and this might seem really kinky, but as a friend I'd like one of us to give the other a genuine compliment, no strings attached. If not, that's fine - I know I'm cool. :)" If she accepts, you've got two choices... as long as it's not causing your relationship to destruct, fish for the right one, and don't accept negging... or defuse the first one she gives you via positivity, if you've ever done that anywhere else with her and it's drawn a good response. If she can't or won't not-neg you, ask if it's OK if you try to show her how it's done. The issue is, you might essentially be the same people, just at right angles, right? She feels safe when emotions are off the table. That might be intractable for you, and might change the moment she meets the kind of safe guy that you dream of being for her. Or worse, someone just in disguise thereas. Maybe she just genuinely does not need an emotional connection to anyone, period, and it's not for anyone to judge if that's a thing she wants or not. Maybe the stars are just not aligned and she just will never have an emotional connection with you. Don't stress over this, but do prepare for the worst: Maybe she's just impossible to talk to about this, and she's on the path to an inevitable drama fuckup like the 'oh shit surprise badboy' above. That's kind of how I relate to the universe, so. Do what you can, and stay safe.

I'd go for the reverse friendzone via oral sex of various sorts creep - it's kind of a gamble, to be honest, and very little in my life has worked out the way I'd have liked it to, so it's probably a sign of poor decision making. Maybe some people just prefer to be left alone to their emotions until they're ready.

I don't know squat about metaphors, but... maybe some seeds sprout more readily after being removed from the fruit they're in, and some sprout better left in. Treating people like plants seems like... well, like going out on a limb, to be honest. I really don't know. You're basically handling what might be partly antimatter. If you can play your cards right you might be set for life - and that's no accusation against you if you don't. You might not have the necessary cards here, or house rules might be trouble.

Do you do things like bring her lunch, or take her out for meals, or share water, etc.?

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>>2887

Make your intentions obviously sexual so that she will understand you're interested in her. That's what girls like! They actually like sex! Duh! And most of them don't like guys who think sex is a sin.

I can try helping you shape yourself, but I only have the smallest of advice.

Certain nonharmful rituals are the key to life. What's "ocd" is simply diagnosis/societal worry - unease, or disease, if you will. Without that unease it's culture and structure. To a society of hyper-empathic supra-geniuses Incan knot-counting might have seemed quaint. To the Inca it got the job done.

I'm disorganized and idiotic, but hopefully not too intensely so, because in general I can take care of the basics. Or I used to, before I came down with a case of "doesn't give a fuck/anxiety overoad". Whenever I left my apartment I'd always make sure to check my keys in my pocket, and I just touch them occasionally when out and about. Having good pockets helps - not the easiest to pick or have something fall out of. And I generally try to keep the necessities in my backpack, and my pack on me.

One great help throughout life has been 'checksums' - quick-glance-verification, little marks on things that keep the deck marked, as it were, instead of playing with blank backs. They don't always work, and when they don't I try to find new ones, but my system was never developed enough. In retrospect there were many more obvious things I could have done... well, I am not the brightest. At all. But in all honesty: I've never had a complete thought in my life. I mean, _ever_. I literally just get by on stacking checksums. This might be a sign I'm psychopathic and just pretending to be sane... or that I've just got so much anxiety and issues from relatively small abuse and relatively great neglect that I never formed a core personality, and just pick through the fragments of thoughts that sound like they place a nice tune, or appeal to whatever sense I use to navigate.

TBH your problems sound much worse than mine. But try the checksums thing, starting small. Maybe start by playing tic-tac-toe against yourself - it'd be ideal if you could consistently see the whole game map, right? But maybe you don't have to, and can just trust your subconscious to provide.

But things like, writing a list of the assignments due in pencil on your binder, and then checking them off when you put them in. Or little colorful post-it notes. Or a smartphone app, or an old PDA if you can find one on sale, all other things being equivalent. Or just get a bunch of colorful strings, and tie them (loosely!) around your fingers. (Later merge with the spirit of a radioactive God-dog and learn to manipulate the very fabric of space for your own benefit! ... if only, right?)

Or just go all-out, and get a pack of broad rainbow rubber bands and a fine-tipped black marker and a decent stick you can keep in your pocket, or a lanyard or something, and go full Inca - new task? Rubber band, appropriate text on it. Task finished? Same color, blank rubber band next to it, so you know it's ready to turn in/be checked.

Make it a totem pole of win. If anyone gives you shit, they're a shitwizard, and you're learning to manage your life, and will eventually internalize the state of this primitive daily planner. But you know what? No matter how confident you are in your hard drive's state, you back your important shit up. In multiple locations. If they make fun of you for keeping a simple organizer, ask them if they e-mail themselves important documents.

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>>3046
Thanks for that. What if defining myself as having OCD and accepting that is what allows it to permit?



…modern man no longer communicates with the madman […] There is no common language: or rather, it no longer exists; the constitution of madness as mental illness, at the end of the eighteenth century, bears witness to a rupture in a dialogue, gives the separation as already enacted, and expels from the memory all those imperfect words, of no fixed syntax, spoken falteringly, in which the exchange between madness and reason was carried out. The language of psychiatry, which is a monologue by reason about madness, could only have come into existence in such a silence.

—Foucault, Preface to the 1961 edition[6]

>>3052

:) It sounds like you understood what I said imprecisely, and more, exactly! Thank you, friend.

A lot of people have odd stuff living in their brainparts. Very rarely does contradicting it allow them to build a proper support structure. I like to think that everyone has some strengths they can use for everyone's benefit inside of them, and some mutual language can always be found. Probably just setting myself up for life to kick me inna fork, but not trying generally also yields poor results, so.

Many mental illnesses come with upsides. Autism often leads to people having good technical skills, ADHD can be people-people or occasionally hyperfocused and hyperproductive, people with depression are detached and logical, so forth.

Using your OCD to an advantage could be a good idea. I hear people like that make for, not to be cliché but, amazing cleaners. With the right connections you could likely get into some fancy hotel and get paid a handsome sum, assuming you can handle the pressure. I don't doubt you'd do a great job.

In my book, there's good attention-seeking and there's bad attention-seeking.

A girl who just likes to be the center of attention, maybe by being really outgoing, maybe by dominating conversations, maybe by being a little self-centered, maybe by dressing ostentatiously or being high-maintenance in terms of make-up/hair/clothes... that could be fun. Not really my thing, I like more laid back girls, but I can see being into that.

A girl who lies about taking pills - or worse, actually takes pills - for attention is nothing but a walking disaster that you should steer clear of at all costs.

There is a healthy way to find a girl with the type of personality you like without the self-destructive habits.

A girl who likes being the center of attention? Sure.
A girl who disrespectfully stands you up a bunch and attempts suicide? Run.

>>3113
But there's a midpoint somewhere. Fishing for compliments, probably having low self esteem, being vain, maybe body image problems. What about those?

I met a girl, Sarah, in my first year of engineering. She was going to study mechanical engineering and I was going to study electrical. I fell in love with her that day and I haven't seen her since I let her go first through a crowded hall....

She wasn't an attention seeker, but an achiever and THAT really gets me. That's probably underlain by attention seeking in a more socially acceptable way, however.

>>3117
Being an achiever can be caused by all manner of things, even partially by dumb luck. I think it's Raikonnen who's one of those finnish race drivers who is one of the best in the world, but still plays it down. He's not doing it for attention.