>>2282
Unfortunately there won't be any sex session. I went on a date with her and she turned out to be so fucking boring. So boring I actually stopped hitting on her, just wanted the night to end. It was really bad.

>>2284
Are you sure she wasn't just being shy, possibly limiting herself so as not to do anything embarassing?

You initially said that you thought you were a rebound, but that's not what I get out of it. I don't know of many girls that would go after their friend's brother simply as a rebound (I guess that would depend on how close the friendship really is though), since that can potentially lead to destroying said friendship. She may have had designs for you for a while and just didn't want to blow her chance by coming off as some kind of yutz.

More details all around would better help us get to the bottom of things.

>>2285
I'm positive it wasn't shyness. Her hobbies are pretty well going to the most redneck bar in Guelph and smoking pot everyday. Other than that she does not know anything about anything. Even something as simple as music, she can not talk about. She doesn't know any artists. Besides that she's also fairly conservative and gossips a ton. Two things I find fairly unattractive.

I just couldn't bring myself to continue dating her.

>>2289
Fair enough. If you're ever game to try though, you could seize the opportunity to be the world-wise guy that broadens her horizons. If she had a bit of cultural enrichment, she might have better things to talk about than her peers. No pressure though, just a thought.

I would like to point something out about rejecting someone because of "conservativism" though. Relationships with people that share your worldview can sometimes, themselves, end up as being downright boring. When you agree with someone about something, all you have left to talk about in that regard is to gossip about those who disagree. Better, in my opinion, to have someone that challenges (with validity, of course) at least some of your viewpoints, so that you can grow, change, and develop not just your arguements but yourself as a person. Not that I think people should specifically seek partners that disagree with them, but I certainly think that people shouldn't discount potential partners because of it.

>>2289
Some people just don't know music. I mean, I know some random-ass shit about it, but I usually end up getting lost because my tastes neither fit into generic pop bullshit nor whatever indie shit is popular. But anyhow, if you don't connect, you don't connect.

oh, one last thing, and its kind of the thing that really kind of, threw me over the edge I guess you could say.

She sort of just randomly asked if I would be her valentine. Now the thought and all of that is cute, but I mean, dafuq am I going to do, even if I were? its not like I can take her out on a date, or buy her roses or anything.

I would suggest talking about this with her.

Really, that is the fairest way to deal with this. Be upfront and honest.

I kind of feel like maybe I am her boyfriend, but she just likes a lot of alone time. Who knows?

>she really doesn't want to be considered as my boyfriend

Haha. But seriously...

I know it may seem tough to get the girls, living at you parents' place, but if you're crafty and you don't advertise it before you make your initial connection with a girl then it doesn't matter as much. It does make keeping a girl more difficult, but for the purposes of my advice, that won't enter into it.

Start seeing other girls and don't try very hard to hide it. Obviously, you don't want to go right up to her like, "...so I fucked this chick yesterday," though. Just let word get back to her on it's own. See how she reacts to that. If she takes it in stride then you may be correct in the assumption that you're just a fuckbuddy, and short of going full Machavellian I don't know there's much you can do to fix that (and considering the advice I'm giving you, that's saying something). If she gets all "what the fuck?!?" about it then she may like you more than she was willing to admit to herself and you'll have the chance to redefine where you stand with her. She already gave you your Get Out Of Jail Free card, so if she does get pissed about it you turn can it back around (being careful not to be a dick and overplay your hand), "I'm getting mixed signals from you on this. When you said I wasn't your boyfriend I thought that meant we weren't serious or exclusive."

>(and considering the advice I'm giving you, that's saying something)

This is, of course, in reference to the concept of Machavellianism - just so we're clear - and not some idea that my solution is some kind of unquestionable super-fix to the problem. I mean, I don't know the girl in question, so it's your judgement call on whether that sort of move would backfire or not.

>>2298
LOL what the fuck did I say?

I think I need to read what I type, before I type it.

>control

Man, no matter what advice chan I go to, no matter what subject my therapist and I talk about concerning her, that word continues to pop up. I guess that no matter what I try, everything she does will be simply be another strategy to rein me in and have me wrapped back around her finger.

God, this is gonna hurt like a bitch, but as Lao-zi said in the Tao Te Ching: "Care about another's approval, and you will forever be their prisoner."

Hey man, I helped you in the last thread. Nice to hear from you. I don't know why she's so controlling but you probably need to continue forgetting about it. If she's just going to criticize you, then talking to her isn't exactly a brilliant idea. She's just hating on you because she can't do what you can do. Lo and behold, she is once again being a negative bitch throughout whatever situation she's put in with you. You need to either be confident enough that you don't take it to heart, or get away from this attitude. Don't forget that all the people you go out and drink with- they are people that support and don't have a problem with this as a way of spending time. You normally don't say "it's acceptable to go out and drink a lot" unless you have to defend something.

So yeah she'd kind of out of touch with reality. In regards to the social situation, the absolute best thing you can do is be relaxed with it. You have a right to do and say what you want, but after a breakup there is one thing that can be your friend. That one thing, is not being a dick. And I mean it seriously, if you say that you're sorry it didn't work out then people realize that you're not a dick. If someone comes up to you and says "Hey man, she told me that you called her a bitch all the time and told her that she was fat, and that you've got a small dick and three balls." and then you can reply calmly by saying something like "I'm not sure why she's saying that, I guess she's still hurt or something." then people can quickly work out who is insane.

I hope I help you.

> You need to either be confident enough that you don't take it to heart, or get away from this attitude.

Yeah, tough choice to make, my man. I cherish her so much but, hell, if I DON'T take that shit to heart, she gets mad. I know that sounds strange, but maaaan is it true.

>"it's acceptable to go out and drink a lot"

Well I'm not saying THAT... I actually only get drunk on special occasions. Actually, she didn't used to get onto me about drinking at all, but a couple of weeks back she herself got really trashed and was sick for 2 days afterward, so now she's on this whole "OMG GETTING DRUNK IS IMMATURE AND STUPID" spiel.

But, I digress... Your other advice is quite good. Thank you. I just hope things will get better between us, because at the end of the day I love her and she is one of the most formative people to have ever entered my life (and she once saved my life too).

OP here, with an update

Well, we sat down and had a talk. Shit was hard, and pretty intense, but I finally stood my ground and she seemed to begrudgingly accept my emotional independence from her. I think we're still gonna remain acquaintances (be Facebook friends, say hi to each other at events, etc.) but I don't think we're going to be the BFF's we once were ever again, sadly. It hurt a lot, but this morning I gotta say I woke up feeling quite energetic and like I'm ready to go back out and LIVE again.

(pic related, my face when I was layin' down the line)

>>2294
Glad to hear it dude. You've done something difficult and grown as a person. You're also now far more prepared for another relationship, in terms of knowing what your needs are and being able to identify red flags early on. Though I don't know if you're interested at all in another relationship at this point, but regardless, you're better off for having done this.

Whatever your standard means of communication is. Don't make such a big deal out of it. It'll hardly depend on how you ask. She'll either agree or she won't. Just straight up ask her.

Full disclosure:
I recently asked a close friend that rejected me a few weeks before, if she'd just fuck me so I could get this virginity thing over with. Via chat. Amazingly, she said yes, so my advice is strongly coloured by this.

finger her at the same time. Ask her how she'd like it. Personally, I haven't received any good oral without fingering at the same time.

First of all, don't try to stick your tongue down her vagina; it's far too small to do anything for her that way. So focus on her clitoris. Try varying the speed and direction of your licking until you find a rhythm that she likes. Go up-down and also left-right. Move your tongue in circles around her clitoris too. Try different positions, too; if you've only ever done it with her on her back, try in a 69 position or with her sitting on your face.

Also, listen to >>2287.

>It is not the first time women took advantage of me that way and I fear she may be just like the rest.

Sorry buddy, but you aren't talking about women, but rather, you are talking about individual people that you have encountered. You're welcome to spend your money on her if you want to, but just don't expect anything. At all. If you have a massive underlying romantic connotation, then try to avoid it. Expectation is a difficult thing, especially in a context such as this. Just remember that this is not women, but your particular experience of people that you are attracted to. I'm saying this so that you don't end up shutting down experience, and saying "All women are like x".

There is a lot here buddy, a lot of emotional weight. This is important, it is very significant. But it's also a situation built on the previous. My best advice to you is to drop everything, and just live the desire to see her again, without any sort of connotation, platonic or romantic. Otherwise, your hopes will be gotten up and you'll distort the occasion for what it is.

I know it's hard buddy, but try to take it easy and go without intention.

You can be with a woman without being in a relationship?!

SAGE has been used.

Yeah... you're not asexual.

SAGE has been used.

You're sure as fuck not asexual, as that implies you have literally ZERO sex drive. To the point where you can't have sex.

What you are is just uninterested in most women. You might find one you like at some point, you might not.

I'm similar, only I'd settle for both a woman or a girly guy. I just haven't met anyone that I've been remotely interested in as of yet.

I always hear people talking about how sexuality is fluid so I don't understand why asexuality need to be an absolute.

>>2269
Sexuality may be fluid, but the definition of the word "asexual" isn't. If the guy has any sex drive at the moment then he's currently not asexual, though that may indeed change over time. Commited relationships are a social convention, largely - if not completely - independant of sexual identity, so that word doesn't even figure into his issue.

With the information you've given, OP, it sounds to me like you just haven't found anyone singularly fulfilling enough for you to want an exclusive relationship yet. This is perfect normal. Just keep on keepin' on, like >>2176 said...
>If you aren't unhappy in your current situation, let it be and don't worry too much about it.

In your situation I would differ to the judgement of someone else in the group who knows her better. Even if I were the friend in the group who knew her best, I would probably only go as far as to ask if she is sure she didn't want to stay with the group and check how drunk she was. If she was pretty drunk I might try to convince her to get the guy's number for another time and go home for the night. If she insists, making sure she has the phone number of a sober friend who can pick her up if she needs a ride later would be good.
When it comes to these kinds of things I try to stay away from guessing people's feelings and future feelings, and stick to concerns of safety; making sure everyone has a sober ride home or safe place to crash.
I'd say not to concern yourself too much over it, and not to bring it up when next you see her except perhaps to inquire that she did make it home safely eventually.

>/r/docta
Careful with that mouth of yours.

hahahaha oh my, I feel so embarrassed.

>>2230
duly noted, thanks

Also you might have guessed that I'm not a native english speaker so please excuse my awkward grammar!

>>2178
Just don't be all over him?

You're getting worried over nothing. You can't destroy his options unless you're really trying to do it. If he's interested in pursuing someone else, it's his job to make her know that he's available. He might ask you to be his wingman, and that's fine, but you don't need to take it upon yourself.

PS your grammar is fine.

It sounds like you have already made your choice. After you dump him, he's still going to be in love with you and you will be fucking this other guy.

>>2166
I agree with this person, so to frame what they said more like actual advice, maybe be clear with your current bf on the situation and your reasons for leaving him. You haven't mentioned the issue of distance that initially caused you to go separate ways so maybe factor that more seriously before making a decision, if it's still relevant.

OP here. In the last 18 to 24 hours, the friend with a crush on me has started telling me he's in love with me and it's blown up to the point where I don't feel at all comfortable pursuing even an online sexual relationship with him. I'm not looking for a romantic partner in him, all I wanted was to explore a different part of my sexuality, but...he's been coming on so strong in just this short amount of time that I don't think it's going to work.

One thing I realized was that I need to bring up the desire to explore with my bf, if it's not for him then I can go from there and discuss some options with him. I appreciate the responses, if nothing else it's been helpful to write this out and think it over.

Grrl, you difficult.

You know what the truth is,
now tell the truth.

(but first make sure you've got a bunker in case things go nuclear)

Maybe your boyfriend can warm up to the idea of kinky stuff. You just need to ask.

Whew sorry for the late update guys, got pretty busy there.

>>2135
> almost like you won't find anyone attractive if they're single (subconscious or what)

No, that's not it. It's actually just bad luck. I usually decide I like them and then they drop the bomb that they were asked out 2 weeks before or sometime even days. And this girl is with the guy.

But I've been hanging out with her a lot lately. I really like being around her and she does me. Which is new, and nice. Not a lot of people can tolerate me, or understand my humor. It's not that I'm a bad guy or anything, I'm just very opinionated and blunt about my opinions. This girl gets it though. And she's the same way.

Eh, there's no sign that she'll be breaking up with her boyfriend anytime soon. I guess I'll just continue to hang out with her and enjoy myself. Maybe someone else will come along in the meantime. Hopefully the next girl I meet won't be in a relationship too. Give a guy a break, life.

>>2155


I'm in the same boat as you.

I think it's best to just stay friends with them. Not the typical shoulder to cry on, but a friend to go out to the movies / get food with, go on walks, etc. Playfully flirt with them here and there, have sexual conversations, etc. Maybe when they are single something will happen. Just do what I'm doing: Don't linger over it (even though we do) and just be open to other people.

>>>>2155
Boy, do I feel you.

I have the same type of luck you do. The women I tend to be interested in are always either taken, too self-important or just plain crazy. As far as I know, I never knew an emotionally healthy relation with someone. I just wish I could meet someone nice, decent and within my tastes but they are all taken where I am from.

>>2156
Yeah that's pretty much my plan for now. She's still really fun to hang with. But can almost guarantee it that when she gets out of that relationship this guy who has been blatantly hitting on her is going to swoop in and snag her. I don't know if she likes him or not, but they are always hanging out. He's going to know the moment she's single and he's going to ask her out. She'll probably say yes too.

>>2158
>just plain crazy
Oh boy do I know that feeling. The one girl that was actually single I set up a date with. Before the first date, she was texting me non-stop. Trying to have multiple conversations on both text and facebook at the same fucking time, and was trying to plan shit for months (I'm talking half a year away) in the future. Expensive shit. She then got mad if I said no. All this before the first date. Goddamnit. So that was the only single person I've met in maybe 3-4 years.

I'm actually so fed up tonight. It's New Years, and I'm alone. Just because of luck. There's nothing I can even do about it. I mean if I was unattractive, unintelligent, unfunny, whatever, I could change those things and improve myself. But no, I'm just being dealt a shit hand every goddamn time. Fuck.

Thanks for listening by the way guys, I really just need someone to talk to right now.

>>2159
Hey man, I am willing to have a drink with you via email. I am with family relatives for new year's and it's boring as hell. Drop me an email adress. I'll respond to you when I see it. I'll be glad to talk to an unlucky bro as well.

From your post I see very little reason to go ahead with this plan. The risks far outweigh the benefits.

While there is nothing wrong with cousin fucking, the vast majority of people find it to be, well, sick. I doubt she would reciprocate: most people would not, just because it's such a taboo in western society. You could try lightly flirting with her, I guess. You could first let her know you think she looks pretty without straight out asking for sex and slowly increase the flirting if she seems to like it.

I suggest you try to forget about her, though. It will most likely not work out.

Dude.

Don't tell your barely-legal cousin that you want to fuck her.

SAGE has been used.

You've done most of the work already. You've already identified the problem.
Just because you've been conditioned to stop looking for alone time, doesn't mean you have to follow that conditioning. Stop hoping that some alone time will naturally pop up and make it happen. Ask your parents to make plans out of the house next week so that you and she can be alone. Or else, if you have a bit of expendable cash, rent a room in a hotel. Make dinner. Pretend that you're planning a first date with someone. Make a conscious effort to break your routine.

>>2150
That's so simple but you're absolutely right. It's not going to just happen, we have to actually make an effort at it.

>>2139

OP here,

It's not that I'm not open to a sexual relationship, it's just that I don't actively pursue sex like a lot of guys do so I think that may have thrown her off a bit. I'm not sure if that makes me weird, it's just that sex has never been a priority for me and I've never been particularly confident in my value as a sexually attractive person anyway because I've never received the attention from women that would warrant such confidence.

I never said I wasn't interested in her physically, I simply said that I wasn't attempting just to get sex from her because I'm interested in more of her than just her body. I'm afraid my brain simply isn't wired up to automatically seek out sex from females, could be due to a long period of years of not having a female interest in my life, whereas I understand most relationships work by having sex first and then everything else is built after that, that's just not how I've ever operated before.

If it's true that she was actually looking for sex then that's even more confusing, because what she was saying was giving off the exact opposite impression and my impression of her as a person was that sex wasn't a big deal for her either, especially after she said other guys had said the same thing as me but just to try and get sex from her and she made it clear that was something she didn't like.

I'm not sure if talking to her so frankly about what she wants from the whole cuddling thing would be a good idea, because to me it would seem like making a mountain out of a molehill so to speak and I don't want to make it seem as if it's a major deal to me.

I've thought about it myself, and since I asked her to give me a chance, I'm just going to try and act cool about it if she still wants to be involved with me. The problem is I like this girl, but I just don't have the confidence to ever initiate something sexual, I could never just say to a girl so bluntly "wanna fuck?" because no matter how much I want to fuck, to me being so brash about it feels as if I'm going against every fibre of my being, as if I'm pretending to be somebody that I'm not.

I guess it's the humiliation of rejection I fear more than anything that makes me not interested in trying to get sex. I know I have a lot to compete with when compared to a lot of other guys which would require me to do things like go to the gym, work out, etc which are just things that really don't interest me and I'm not willing to put the effort into them, which would ultimately mean I'm the creator of my own troubles here.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>2140

OP here again,

It's likely to be assumed at some point or other that I'm your typical introverted neckbeard with no friends or social activities and weighing about 20st.

I just wanted to clarify that I do have good social circles and I do socialise frequently and just because I enjoy my nerdy stuff I'm not afraid to go outside and have a good time. I'm not slim or athletic but I'm not grotesquely obese either, I just have the build of a lazy man.

Just wanted to clear that up before any assumptions on that are made.

Value yourself as a person. You're the best you you can be. She will appreciate you if you do. Anyway, from the situation, it seems like she likes you; it's just she doesn't want to be used for sex. So just continue hanging out with your natural intentions in mind and your actions will speak for themselves. I don't think you need to discuss it too much. You're not in the wrong and neither is she.

>>2142

Thanks Anon.

It's really easy for me to get worked up about small little things and make a big deal out of nothing. But my head is clear now and I think I'm on the right path.

Thanks again, and Merry Christmas (I have a lot of rum in my system, this is a good thing)

>>2140
There are a few things I’m getting from reading your post that I’d like to comment on.

You seem to be under the impression that only a certain type of man is able (or likely) to attract women. This isn’t true. When 2142 says that she’ll appreciate you if you just be yourself, that isn’t necessarily the case- different women appreciate different types of people. So THIS one may not, but there’s almost certainly SOMEONE out there who will. I’m not trying to bum you out, I just think it’s important to say that “just being yourself,” while a good idea, is not guaranteed to be attractive to any given woman.

You also seem to think that men who enjoy nerdy hobbies aren’t attractive to women. Not true. See above. There’s a lot about nerd culture that makes women feel unwelcome, because a lot of it is marketed and designed specifically toward men, but it isn’t as though no women enjoy video games, or date men who enjoy video games.

You don’t need to give up any aspects of your identity in order to be attractive to women. Losing your fear of rejection, on the other hand (or at least controlling it), is a must. No one accomplishes anything difficult on the first try. Go get rejected, and learn from it, so you can move past it and move on to getting accepted.

Last, when you write “I never said I wasn't interested in her physically, I simply said that I wasn't attempting just to get sex from her because I'm interested in more of her than just her body,” that sounds like you think being sexually attracted to a woman means not appreciating her intelligence and personality. Also not true. Being sexually attracted to a woman is a good thing, and in no way reduces the appreciation you might have for her other qualities. There are a lot of people who don’t see women’s non-sexual qualities, and that’s really not attractive for most women. But to say that you can only appreciate one or the other is bullshit.