Thank you for your advice. I found the last bit especially helpful. Too often I think we resort to ultimatums without considering a middle ground that suits both parties.
I have talked to her a little bit and discovered a few things. One is that she is having a hard time adjusting to the marriage and the move put together. This is the first time she's ever been completely dependent on one person. There have been a few times when she's wanted one thing and I've said "no, we're doing this" and she told me it makes her feel "oh god what have I done?" So I know she misses being independent. Another is that she is unhappy with her current job and social situation. She feels underutilized, but the hours are such that she can't spend as much time with her friends out here as she'd like. I can see why that would upset her, but if I were her I wouldn't be coming home and plopping down on the couch to watch TV and play games all night--I'd be making the most of my time off.
Our marriage has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have boiled down what bothers me to two characteristics: messiness and excuse making.
She is simply not an organized person. She wasn't raised that way and I don't think she'll ever be that way. It was OK until we downsized into this apartment. Now her mess affects me. What really pisses me off is that all I want is a nice, old, wooden office desk with drawers to set up my computer and organize my stuff, but she actually threw a fit when I was suggesting places to put it, saying it would make the room look crowded and we'd have to move all the other furniture around so I just dropped it. Then EVERY TIME we go shopping, she wants to buy something new to hang up or another knick-knack. By the time we move again this place is going to look like a Mexican grandma's house. Last night she was looking for our wedding pictures on a USB drive. She lost it. She fucking lost it in a 1000 sq ft apartment, because her shit is everywhere and she just throws it from one place to another. I grew up in whatever one step up from spartan living conditions are so as minor as this sounds it's actually extremely frustrating. And come to find out, it's equally as frustrating to her to have a "boring" house.
Then there are the excuses. She can't get a job she likes because she doesn't have the right education/is white/is a woman. There's one of those we can change, so I have encouraged her to study for and take the GRE or GMAT (they are good for 5 years) and think about what she'd like to study. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants to study and won't even study for the test. She completely gave up on finding a new job as soon as she was hired on part time at a restaurant, and her excuse was that she just isn't qualified to do anything. Like I mentioned in OP, her only aspiration is to open up a secondhand boutique shop, but she has no concept of how to run a small business, much less how we would pay for such an adventure. I suggested she study something to that effect and she brushed me off because "everybody has an MBA, they can't be worth that much." Those are the big ones, and then there are the hundred little ones to explain why the apartment is a mess. I have worked hard to get where I am, and though I've had my fair share of breaks, it frustrates me to no end when someone makes excuses to avoid bettering themselves.
I can't see myself having a happy life with her. If my dad is any indication, I will only continue to become more of a stickler for organization. If her mom is any indication, she will only become more of a hoarder. She wants to do marriage counseling before we have major problems, because we never did pre-marital counseling (I wish I could go back) so I will see what comes of that and go from there.