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/docta/, /docta/, gimme the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you.

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3031 No. 3031 Locked Stickied hide quickreply [Reply]
Welcome to /docta/.

TL;DR: This board is intended to be a safe, helpful place. Do not fuck that up.

This is where you can come to talk about yourself. and get some real advice. Friendship on the rocks? Having some boy/girl trouble? Feel free to post. Wondering what the best way to please your boy/girl is? We can do that too. All sexual orientations are welcome. Want to talk about your fucked-up subconscious or the glorious dreams you've had? Feel free to journal here. Concerned that you might be partway to insanity? Call a psychiatric professional, and then ask us for help too.

A few rules though:

1) Please contribute. Do not troll. Do not post stupid, pointless advice.
2) Do not come here for medical advice. Go to a doctor. You can, however, ask for advice on the ramifications of a medical issue.
3) When asking for advice, try to use more than one sentence! It is easier for us to help you this way.
4) Please refrain from straying too far from the topic of a thread.
5) Please report posts that you find exceedingly offensive, inappropriate, or off topic.
6.) Cut vs. Uncut Threads, Penis Size Debates, Paedophilia chat, and other similar topics, or examples of trolling will be deleted, and posters banned at the mod's discretion.

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3489 No. 3489 hide quickreply [Reply]
My girlfriend hasn't sex with me in over 6 months. This is beginning to bug me now. What the fuck do I do? Her sister in law, who I get on very well with says she will sort it out, but I'm not convinced
>> No. 3490
Tell her what's bothering you in a way that makes it clear that you're not just horny but worried about her and your relationship. Ask her if there's anything you can do to help her. Y'know. Be a sympathetic, kind person like you're supposed to.
>> No. 3496
She's most likely not doing it just to spite you. But even if she is, there must be something upsetting her to make her act that way. Like >>3490 said, calmly sit down and talk with her to get to the bottom of it.

Tell her how you feel - unwanted, rejected, super horny, whatever - and then ask if there's anything going on with her that would preclude her from having sex with you for 6 months.

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3491 No. 3491 hide quickreply [Reply]
I hate my brother. My heart and thoughts start racing when I think about him, including as I type this. Sometimes my thoughts turn violent.

Context: I'm 24, he's 29, we both live with our parents. Technically, my biological dad is his step-dad. He and his now-ex had an accidental pregnancy about 8 years ago, and since then the poor kid has been ferried between our house, hers, and whoever she happens to be dating. For all of that time, my brother has not sought better employment, is practically dependent on weed, and shows no signs of moving out any time soon. For eight years he has expected my parents to pick up any slack in watching and caring for his son, and will become defensive, angry, and vulgar at the slightest suggestion that he should take a more active role in being a father. I've watched him lie on the couch on his phone while my parents engage and play with his kid, and yell and even curse at his kid at, again, the slightest provocation. I can provide plenty of specific examples of this.

My question is: how can I cope with this? How can I continue to repress my rage and keep my sanity until I move out? I'm back in school until next spring to get a teaching certification. In the months leading up to my student teaching semester, I plan on applying to as many schools in as many states as possible in order to get out before I turn 26. I never want to see him again after that.
>> No. 3492
The biggest difference you can make might be in the life of your (half?-)nephew. You can put your skills you learned from becoming a certified teacher to good use and get him interested in something constructive. It doesn't sound like he has the rosiest home life with either parent, so you could well have the power to change the lad's destiny for the better.
>> No. 3493
The thought has crossed my mind, sure. I could get him gifts related to his interests, spend more time with him, maybe try to teach him music or something. But I feel like that's not my responsibility, just like it's hardly the responsibility of my biological parents. I want to detach from the entire situation - not because or in spite of my nephew, though.
>> No. 3494
I only brought up the nephew because I figured that helping him would be an easier task that would allow you to feel like you made some kind of accomplishment. Most people don't like lingering doubts that they could have done something instead of nothing, so I suggested the kind of something that seems very concrete and achievable.

Has your brother always behaved like this, or has he gotten worse over the years?
>> No. 3495
I appreciate that, it's good advice and definitely makes sense logically. Involving myself more with my nephew might make me feel like I have some kind of control in a situation where, otherwise, I've felt invisible for the past 8+ years. Still, something about it makes me uneasy.

And yeah, pretty much as far back as I can remember, he's been like that. I remember a lot of screaming matches in my household when I was little, and they always seemed to have something to do with him (unless it was my parents arguing; it's fuzzy, but he may have gotten involved in those, idk). He did poorly in school and got in trouble a lot. From his late teens into about his early twenties, he was arrested at least three times for weed or something related to it. I just remember outburst after outburst, about whatever.

My whole life I've been told, mostly by my dad, not to be like my brother. Literally all of my blood-related male cousins, excepting one disabled cousin, have experienced some combination of an arrest record and accidental pregnancies. I got busted once for weed when I was 19 and learned my lesson from then on, but the first thing both parents said when they found out was, "I guess you didn't learn from your brother," which felt like a punch in the stomach.

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3487 No. 3487 hide quickreply [Reply]
Does anyone/likebeingsick/ here?

I can't say I like being sick but I love everything that comes with it. I can sleep nonstop, shit for an hour, take tons of cough medicine and just feel all light headed and weird. Is this just me? This isn't much different from my daily routine but enough so that I almost look forward to blanket cocoons and snot nosed headaches.

Please respond
>> No. 3488
Lots of people like taking vacations so they can take a break from the responsibilities of everyday life. In that sense, you're just treating bouts of the common cold or the flu as a kind of vacation. The biggest difference is that with sicknesses you can always claim "well it's not like I was trying to be ill, so you can't judge me like you would if I took a vacation."

It's fun to get to watch The Price Is Right, though.

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3454 No. 3454 hide quickreply [Reply]
In love with this girl who i'm with for almost 2 years.
Shes is really beautiful and hot, but i can't deal with the fact that she's gets completely insane, jealous, mean and hysterical sometimes.
We argue EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK. since the begining and she already said so many hateful and horrible things.
Things are so fucked up.
We broke up 1 week ago, and i already miss her, in a sense. On other hand, i can't even talk to her without arguing.
We already tried more than a hundred times, but it seems we simply can't be happy together.
Is this really the end? Should i just accept it and move on?
>> No. 3455
Yes. Move on.
>> No. 3475
sounds like the only reason you liked her was because you're hot

since you're arguing with her so frequently I can safely say that you two don't get along together when it comes down to personality, and that both of you seem stubborn as mules too.

move on.
>> No. 3477
>> No. 3486
only one way to solve this op

buy a suicide pill


No. 3452 hide quickreply [Reply]
I had the best wank ever today. I got my sisters vibrator, put on her bikini and never came so hard in my life. not even with my girlfirend. im confused. im male, but does this make me straight, gay, or just down right weird?
>> No. 3453
It means there are activities that you enjoy sexually more than others and that is the he and the she of it, dear.
>> No. 3456
Your sisters are both beautiful.Can you post more pics of them?
>> No. 3470
it means you like crossdressing or possibly have an incest fetish or crush on your sister
be respectful and don't use other people's vibrators or wear their clothes while masturbating. buy your own bikini.

other than that, you're good.
>> No. 3483
I read somewhere that the physical responses of anxiety and excitement are the same, and the difference between the two is a purely psychosomatic one that depends on context and frame of mind. If that's true, that would explain why transgressive acts are sometimes considered sexy: they blur the lines between the anxiety of doing something wrong and the excitement of it feeling oh so right.

The point of all that is to lead to this question: would he really cum as hard with his own vibrator and bikini? Asking that is not the same as endorsing activities that could permanently ruin his relationship with his family just for a single orgasm, but it might be something to consider if the dude ever thinks "hey this isn't as mindblowing as I remember, what gives?"

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3481 No. 3481 hide quickreply [Reply]
Last few days I haven't been sleeping well. Honestly it's been the past few months since moving across the country, starting a new job and all the changes and upheavals that come with those things. The last few days, however, just as I'm falling into that hazy, almost-asleep phase I'll hear something in the apartment and snap wide awake again. It could be my gf walking around outside the bedroom, the neighbors upstairs, the wind whatever, it startles me awake. Weirder is the thoughts that accompany these interruptions: believing that some malevolent force is seeping in through the walls to hurt me, that my gf is doing something unspeakable outside the room (instead of grabbing a snack), that someone just broke in and is about to set the place on fire. These aren't enough to get me out of bed or even keep me awake all night, at some point I'll fall asleep but for a good hour or so this will keep going. Having a fan create white noise helps quite a bit, but I've never experienced this before and we've been in this place for awhile so I know the sounds by now.

I know I have a lot of stress during the day, I carry it around and most of the time I'm not consciously aware of it. I'm assuming that by the time I start unwinding, all of that comes bubbling up and causes these weird paranoia mini-episodes and makes it harder to sleep restfully through the night. The only other person I've ever heard of experiencing this is a friend of mine who has a much worse case and was suffering from sleep paralysis for awhile too. Is this common? Are we the only two people that have weird enough brain chemistry that we only feel this paranoia as we fall asleep?

I have every intention of managing my stress better and finding ways to let it go during the day, but knowing that it happens to other people would be a relief.

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3437 No. 3437 hide quickreply [Reply]
/docta/, there's this girl I've been speaking to for a while. We met through friends on IRC and we realised with time we were pretty much alike in the way we think and our overall tastes. We both have said we had strong feelings for each other and we grown to be pretty close with time.

The girl herself went through some hard times including a break-up. It was a bumpy ride for her and myself since sometimes I was hurt by how awful she felt sometimes and she would even give me shit for it with how I would try to get her to try to calm down and think rationally and I was powerless to help her to a point where I didn't know how to handle her anymore.

She said she loved me while she was dating her ex but wanted to remain faithful to him. Her ex since has been messaging her on and off and pulling at her heartstrings at times but she isn't going back to him as she told me. Since, she told me she needed time to process what happened which I understand and said it wouldn't be right to use me as a rebound which again I understand.

Here's the hard part. I've been manipulated and played by women before and this ''I can't date anyone right now'' bullshit has been served to me before by two previous other girls which ended up with someone else in the end and I was left in the dust and hurt both times. The girl recently started to take medication and told me she's been feeling better since but she's also been distant and it terrifies me. She told me it isn't because of me or she lost her feelings for me. She said she's working through everything she's been through and love is a scary concept for her right now. She does message me on her own sometimes but when she does, often her answers are really short and far in between. I know she's online and I see her play on steam every now and then. She just doesn't message me as much and as often as she used to compared to when we would talk everyday and it both hurts and scares me.

The distance that started to appear hurts and I keep thinking about her no matter what I do which is just pouring salt in the wound for me. I don't know what to think, what to do or how to react. I'm really afraid she's like the two other girls and will just end up not really being worth it in the end and being hurt once again after swearing to myself years ago before I met her I wouldn't let this sort of shit come up again. I asked a friend of mine who's an older gentleman for any advice and he said the best was to ''ride it out''. I wish it was simpler than that.

Help /docta/, what should I do?
>> No. 3442
Riding it out is sort of all there is, though. How has the last month been?

This sort of feeling, watching something drift away from you and feeling powerless against the current, is really very disheartening for all of us whenever we encounter it. You've survived emotional damage before and you're right to be cautious and guarded.

I hope you found some peace, either way.
>> No. 3472
Again; we don't talk much... I care for you

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3356 No. 3356 hide expand quickreply [Reply]
Is it normal to think about suicide, and if so, how often? I always thought it was fine, but it's become a daily (if not more frequent) thought to me. Mind you, I'm not thinking "I should kill myself" but rather "Should I kill myself?", so I see it more as a type of evaluation. Usually the answer is "no" but even when it's affirmative, I know that I won't follow through. I also think about how I'd do it, the note, the consequences etc., but all with the knowledge that I most likely won't do it. Is there anything I should keep watch of/change to make sure this doesn't become something more troublesome?

No pictures relevant to suicide so I picked the closest thing.
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 3386
Not OP but I do entertain the same thoughts on suicide.

It's more of a peaceful acceptance than a raging momentary upset. I've lived a hard life and while it's not particularly bad at the moment I just don't see myself enjoying the future. I don't want children or have them. I don't even want a girlfriend becoming more asexual as I age. My parents are gone and I was an only child.

I've been to war, jail, stripclubs, churches, college twice. I've done my service and seen the sights, I have no one to take care of and a few friends that will miss me but I just want to rest... Is that a bad thing?
>> No. 3462
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Frontpage necrobump: 1 year out it's even worse. Still not necessarily saying that I "should" kill myself, but I am stuck in a catch-22 of wanting to do it due to reasons that prevent me from doing so (i.e. my death would financially ruin my family and I couldn't live/die with that consequence as much as I may like or dislike them). The future doesn't seem bright though; only vague concepts of goals with no feasible means of achieving them and I'm running out of money. Pressure from every direction to fit into societal notions of success and trapped in a system of which I wanted to be no part due to being too afraid to speak out at the inflection point. Finally had sex and it was underwhelming, ostensibly due to a lack of "love", but at the same time I cannot say that I've ever had such a feeling reciprocated and loving from afar has created much more pain than joy.

People are friendly enough to me, but I still feel like a loner and a burden to them - no core group to associate with, always an add-on who has to send the first message to get invited to anything. I've thought about going down a spiral of addiction/debauchery to alienate myself from those close to me with the goal of making my death less painful/surprising, but that still does not eliminate the problem of what's keeping me alive. No desire to pay what little I have for a doctor to give me limp-dick pills and talk about childhood trauma, I just want to leave everything behind, but somebody has to take the baggage.
>> No. 3463

Are you on any medication?
>> No. 3464
None, nor do I really drink at all and I haven't smoked weed "regularly" in over a month. The only real mood-altering substance that I've taken is mushrooms and that was almost 2 years ago. They seemed to help but in my present state it's not something that I readily want to go near.
>> No. 3471
Do you do art?

And I don't mean in some idle hobbyist way like "I like to sketch" or "I fuck around in Ableton sometimes." Do you make art? Do you try to express ideas and feelings and stories as clearly and sincerely as you can? Think about your worldview, your experiences, your emotions. Think about things you would like to communicate both personally and on a larger, cultural scale and set goals for putting those things out. I don't mean make a goal of fame or anything but art can be a great way to hone in on and then articulate things that are meaningful to you. Trying to create purpose-driven art of whatever medium may help you to find a larger purpose in life in general.

How much general learning do you do? What are you interested in? History? Tropical birds? Brain science? You don't have to go to school or take a class to engage with learning in a meaningful way. One of the biggest helps re: my battle with depression was getting stoked about history, finding that I found it really exciting to learn about people in different periods. This sounds corny as fuck but one of the reasons I don't want to die is because there are always more things to learn and learning is exciting and enriching.

Those are just two suggestions. Both involve getting fairly serious in a self-directed kind of way about things most people consider hobbies. I guess the point is try actively searching for something that ignites a feeling of passion and the best suggestions I can give are art and knowledge.

Making shit is great
Knowing shit is great
Embracing those two things in a gung-ho way might help you reclaim some enthusiasm for life. Obviously this is a very broad post and not one that is helpful in any concrete way but maybe this will get you thinking? I hope so. In any case, best of luck to you.

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3422 No. 3422 hide quickreply [Reply]
My relationship has been in a bad way for some time. We've been together a year now, our anniversary (of our first date / official 'relationship') is this month, along with Christmas, New Year's (obviously), and a wedding for which I am in the wedding party and my girlfriend would be my guest.

I don't have the heart to end things right now. I know, I probably should and I'm not doing anyone any favors by waiting until after the holidays; but it seems needlessly cruel and disruptive. I'm torn about how much effort to put out for the season though. I don't dislike her, but I feel we're intractable not right as a couple. We've talked about our concerns repeatedly and have pretty well reached an impasse.

I have significantly more financial resources than she does. When things has been better, I had expected to give her a fairly upscale anniversary and Christmas. I still can, but I'm worried the gesture would either feel hollow, or as a plea to save the relationship, or simply be standoffish. But if things are winding down, not giving my best and trying feels defeatist and resigned.

>> No. 3443
This is a tough one. "should I try harder, or walk away?" is the toughest choice in life. There is no good advise here other then talk to your closest friend(s) or your mom and dad.

What I can say is it is better to make good memories together instead of buying (expensive) presents. Go somewhere together she would like (spa or short weekend away), it might even patch things up. Still: don't pull on a dead horse, and it reads like you are doing just that.

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3438 No. 3438 hide quickreply [Reply]
I had a conversation recently with a friend and she's feeling an awful amount of guilt for what she's done by fooling around with a married man. No sex was had and she says he's disposable. However the feeling she gets this "dirty feeling she gets" is enjoyable.

She's a virgin age 22-23 and has never really done anything bad as far as I know.

Anon: I really doubt you can surprise me

Friend: Idk. I mean it's not uncommon but just something people might not think I would do.

Anon: Did you have relations with someone dating someone else?

Friend:WTF! Why was that your first guess?

Anon:Because that was the worst thing I could think of
did you send a nude pic to someone?

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
>> No. 3441
So she's fixated on him, because she sees him as the ticket out of how she feels her life is. Help her to see other routes out that allow her to value herself for herself, rather than valuing herself when others value her.

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3434 No. 3434 hide quickreply [Reply]
I'm a University student in the UK. I thought I was doing reasonably well, socially. I have a reasonably sized group of friends, I get on well with most people, everything seemed fine.

It's my birthday on Monday, and I think "hey, I've not had a birthday party since I was twelve, perhaps I should invite a few people over on the Saturday?"

So I set up a facebook event, it has a punning title, a clear description, and a poll for what kind of thing we could do together.

Out of the 20 people I put on the event (some for courtesy's sake, as they're housemates), I get two replies. Two. Nobody's fucking engaged with it. I listen to so much personal shit from these people, I help them and handhold through all of their crap, and when I want them to spend two or three hours with me, and have it be about me for a change, I get deafening silence.

Some people get cars for their 21st birthday. Some people get houses. All I wanted was to have a curry with a few mates, and I can't even have that. I wanted there to be five or six people on the planet that gave enough of a shit about me to eat a free meal in my company, and apparently I can't have that.

I feel defeated, abandoned, without friends, and alone.

Picture unrelated.
>> No. 3436
If you want to do something more personal and small scale like have dinner with friends you should probably invite them personally. Send them an e-mail or call them even. People generally like it when they are approached by friends.
You could still invite some people to go to a pub or have a beer at your place. Offer to buy them the first round, or the entire night, and get drunk or something.

Just remember that you do have friends and that they are people too. They are aware of what you do for them, just try to be more direct.

No. 3389 hide expand quickreply [Reply]
Guys I think want to cheat on my wife.

She is my third sexual partner and my first long term relationship (nothing over a year before). Sex is quite good, if somewhat infrequent, but that's not a big deal for me.

I think this desire stems from an emotional issue: Although I love her, I find her boring and I'm tired of taking care of her. Probably how parents feel when their kid turns 18. This bothers me for two reasons. First is that we have been married less than a year. Second is that one of her hangups about dating me long-term was that, because of my limited dating experience, I didn't know what else was out there and would someday hold that against her.

When I started dating seriously I was looking for someone independent. I am away a lot due to work and wanted someone who could function on her own. She fit that bill, having a job, apartment, a few pets, her own car, no collectors after her, and an active social life. When we moved into a house together I started seeing warning signs, but I chalked them up to us both being busy. We got along after moving in, so I proposed and a few months later we did the courthouse thing.

She promised time and again to go through our stuff and get rid of duplicates and things we no longer used, but that never materialized until we moved again. She quit vacuuming regularly, causing a ridiculous accumulation of cat hair. I would routinely clean up the kitchen and the TV room, throwing out expired coupons, stacks of mail, and garbage, only to have it trashed again the next week. The only time she cleaned up was when she had company coming over, and part of that was freaking out at me about how dirty the place was, then throwing a bunch of shit on our bed. During much of this time I was gone every other week, and I think that's a big reason that a lot of this stuff didn't bother me that much.

Fast forward to now. We have moved to a new city, to an apartment half the size of our house. She gave up her job. She found a new job, but it's not full time and she has a lot of time on her hands. That doesn't bother me. It bothers me that 3 months after moving she still has four boxes of clothes sitting in our room. She still has a shitload of knick-knacks sitting in the spare bedroom because she has 3000 sq ft worth of decorating ideas for a 1000 sq ft apartment. She gave up on trying to find a job similar to what she left and instead complains that she's not qualified to do anything, but when graduate school is brought up there's always an excuse. Her dream is to open a secondhand shop where she shops at thrift stores and resells good shit at a markup (admittedly she has an eye for this), but she has done absolutely nothing to prepare herself for the business aspect of running a small business. She binge watches Netflix or has her face in her phone most of the time that she's not working, either ignoring me or giving me half her attention. She has procrastinated about making a dental appointment for a cavity she's had for 3 months and a car appointment for a strange sound she's had for 6. I continue to do most of the cleaning, and while it doesn't bother me to clean, if I don't do it, it does not get done. I am about to go away for 3 months and I'm convinced that the apartment is going to be trashed when I come back. Maybe her level of independence was fine when she was on her own, but I feel like I effectively married a 30 year old child who makes for a sloppy roommate. I know it's not her fault because I've seen her mom's house, and it is orders of magnitude worse than ours, but I'm just tired of it and I want something else.

There is so much shit I don't even know how to bring it up with her. "It bothers me that you're dirty, lazy, and irresponsible" wouldn't get me far. I'm afraid this is going to end in cheating and/or an explosion on my part ending with "I want a divorce." Do I gently try to turn my wife into a cleaner, more active, more responsible person? Do I put my foot down and start with the rules? Do I give up and become another hollow shell of a man?
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 3396

Thank you for your advice. I found the last bit especially helpful. Too often I think we resort to ultimatums without considering a middle ground that suits both parties.

I have talked to her a little bit and discovered a few things. One is that she is having a hard time adjusting to the marriage and the move put together. This is the first time she's ever been completely dependent on one person. There have been a few times when she's wanted one thing and I've said "no, we're doing this" and she told me it makes her feel "oh god what have I done?" So I know she misses being independent. Another is that she is unhappy with her current job and social situation. She feels underutilized, but the hours are such that she can't spend as much time with her friends out here as she'd like. I can see why that would upset her, but if I were her I wouldn't be coming home and plopping down on the couch to watch TV and play games all night--I'd be making the most of my time off.

Our marriage has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have boiled down what bothers me to two characteristics: messiness and excuse making.

She is simply not an organized person. She wasn't raised that way and I don't think she'll ever be that way. It was OK until we downsized into this apartment. Now her mess affects me. What really pisses me off is that all I want is a nice, old, wooden office desk with drawers to set up my computer and organize my stuff, but she actually threw a fit when I was suggesting places to put it, saying it would make the room look crowded and we'd have to move all the other furniture around so I just dropped it. Then EVERY TIME we go shopping, she wants to buy something new to hang up or another knick-knack. By the time we move again this place is going to look like a Mexican grandma's house. Last night she was looking for our wedding pictures on a USB drive. She lost it. She fucking lost it in a 1000 sq ft apartment, because her shit is everywhere and she just throws it from one place to another. I grew up in whatever one step up from spartan living conditions are so as minor as this sounds it's actually extremely frustrating. And come to find out, it's equally as frustrating to her to have a "boring" house.

Then there are the excuses. She can't get a job she likes because she doesn't have the right education/is white/is a woman. There's one of those we can change, so I have encouraged her to study for and take the GRE or GMAT (they are good for 5 years) and think about what she'd like to study. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants to study and won't even study for the test. She completely gave up on finding a new job as soon as she was hired on part time at a restaurant, and her excuse was that she just isn't qualified to do anything. Like I mentioned in OP, her only aspiration is to open up a secondhand boutique shop, but she has no concept of how to run a small business, much less how we would pay for such an adventure. I suggested she study something to that effect and she brushed me off because "everybody has an MBA, they can't be worth that much." Those are the big ones, and then there are the hundred little ones to explain why the apartment is a mess. I have worked hard to get where I am, and though I've had my fair share of breaks, it frustrates me to no end when someone makes excuses to avoid bettering themselves.

I can't see myself having a happy life with her. If my dad is any indication, I will only continue to become more of a stickler for organization. If her mom is any indication, she will only become more of a hoarder. She wants to do marriage counseling before we have major problems, because we never did pre-marital counseling (I wish I could go back) so I will see what comes of that and go from there.
>> No. 3401
OP here. After further reflection I think I am simply suffering from buyer's remorse. She's honestly not bad. She wants our marriage to work and for both of us to be happy, and now that she's come out of her depression slump she is quite fun again. I just regret permanently attaching myself at all. I would have regretted marrying anyone at this stage in life and found reasons to be unhappy.

That said, I made a commitment to her and regretting that commitment doesn't make fooling around or leaving her the right thing to do.
>> No. 3413
What about swinging? You don't necessarily have to find a swinger club and make it a full blown lifestyle, but what about having some "monogamish" experiences? Do you think your wife would be open to that? Have a threesome with another woman or find another couple to play with maybe.

You don't go full blown open relationship. You don't get a mistress. But you get to have some new and novel sexual experiences and I've known quite a few women who are into the idea of anything from soft-swap/being watched to full swap swinging, threesomes, etc.

It's tricky because at best it could be a fun activity that actually solidifies your bond; but at worst it could undermine your whole relationship. So tread carefully. The commitment of marriage isn't just a "OK I guess I'm with this person til they or I die" thing, it's also a commitment to be honest and open and you need to be honest with your wife about these desires.

Talking to a counselor (either by yourself or as a couple) could be very very helpful and help you articulate some of your struggles and confusion and help you work out how to communicate these issues to your wife without pushing her away.
>> No. 3414
And after reading over your post again, I realize this probably isn't really about sex and that is probably not your main motivation for having an affair. Again: counseling could really really help you. Lots of new couples do it or need it. A marriage is a big deal, it's a huge new adjustment, sharing your life in that way and needing a little outside help and support is totally normal and a very healthy, proactive way of handling your problems.
>> No. 3433

I honestly think that if we pursued counseling, it would end in divorce. I truly do not want to be married. Not to her, not to anyone. It makes me feel horrible, because I do love her, and I drug her across the country where she works a shit job making half of what she's used to away from all of her family.

But at the same time, lately I've been feeling more and more trapped and manipulated. Several times she has brought up how she feels that her life is "going nowhere" because her job is a dead end (did I mention she was handed and then quit a job that had career potential because she didn't like the office staff?), we don't own a house, and she isn't pregnant--all problems she had before she met me and I assumed $50,000 of her debt, mind you, but now that I'm in her clutches she wants to make rash financial decisions. She really pissed me off tonight when she tried to tell me why it was a good move financially to buy a house for $400,000 (median price out here unfortunately) because "you don't know when prices are going to level off." This coming from a woman who was not aware of closing costs or property tax. I honestly think it's a smarter move to downsize, save money, and put it toward a house when we move to a more affordable market, but she blew up with all the "my life is going nowhere" shit when I suggested it the first time. The second time she didn't blow up, it was just "my life is going nowhere" in a normal voice. Of course the best part is that as soon as we buy a house or have a baby, I am effectively locked in.

Fuck this.

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3421 No. 3421 hide quickreply [Reply]
Minor issue. Been in a relationship for 2 plus years. Usual relationship shit, we argue, we kiss, we make up, rinse, repeat. Just as we were getting into this, I met a girl through work. She's a customer at my shop, and she never just buys summat the goes, we always have an at times quite flirty conversation.Now she seems to be somewhat of an upgrade to my current girlfriend, fun, active, thinner, ambitious, likes to have a drink or three. My current missus wont get a proper job, bitches like fuck if she has to get out of bed at a normal time, and is a bit clingy. Recently, she seems to be playing on my mind more than usual. My question is this, is this one of those times that the grass is greener, and I just want what I can't have, or could I be on to summat?
>> No. 3423
You can't 'upgrade' your girlfriend. This new girl isn't "better" she's just new, and that makes her novel. There are lots of things you'd get to re-experience with her that you aren't getting in your current relationship.

It may well be that you could hook up with New Girl. But getting out of a relationship, one that you say is 2+ years old, takes time. You don't want to be the kind of person that can throw one relationship out the window and hop into the next one without a second thought.

You are probably more at fault for your current relationship's state than you say, though you may know that. I'm not judging. But unless you're just looking for tail, you probably aren't going to be in a good place with either person for a good long while. If you break things off, you'll need to clear your head; if you try to patch things up, you have to let New Girl go.
>> No. 3424
You could be onto something. While >>3423 has a point that you don't want to just throw a relationship away, you may be at a point where your current relationship is junk, but you are still clinging to it because it's familiar. Ask yourself if you are just going through the motions with the missus because she's what you are comfortable with. In other words, is this a relationship of convenience?

I'm not saying you should rush headlong into a breakup. The grass may not be greener on the other side. This customer may not even be interested in you; she may just have a flirty personality. But she was the catalyst that got you thinking "Am I content with my current relationship?" If you can truthfully answer that question in a vacuum, without dreaming that better options are out there, you will have made a great step toward solving your dilemma.
>> No. 3431
Ask yourself what you're getting out of your current relationship. Do you look forward to seeing her? Do you enjoy spending time with her? Does she make you laugh? Imagine yourself with this same woman in 5 years. How does that make you feel?

Relationships do sometimes go stale (especially if you're young - say, under 25 or so - because your personality is still changing), and it can be hard to recognise when we're sticking to something that's familiar, like >>3424 said.

Also, IF you do decide to end your current relationship, and IF you do decide to pursue this new one, make sure the old one is FINISHED before you start the new one.

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3428 No. 3428 hide quickreply [Reply]
/docta/, You've always been pretty great help to me. I'm in a point in my life where I need guidance.

I'm a 21 year old male. I'm unemployed, and living with my grandfather, although going to community full time. I'm bipolar type two and a couple of months ago, I was put in a psychiatric ward for the fifth time following a suicide attempt, my second.

It's been a while since then. It's a new year. Following the accident I was finally able to cultivate a fear of death and a desire to see where my life might lead.

But i'm also scared. Interacting with people is becoming more and more wooden and dispassionate and ungenuine, even though I know the people i'm interacting with are my good long term friends. I'm not sexually barren by any means, In fact before the depression of recent months I enjoyed a pretty healthy sex life and a good relationship, but now sex seems repulsive and looking at couples just hurts. I'm at a point where it seems like interacting with other people is just painful or boring or both. And that would be just fine if I had a sense of inner direction or purpose or something to keep me around rather than people, but I find myself caring about less and less. I'm an anthropology major but I can't even figure if that's what i want to do with my life. Frankly i've missed so much college due to hospitalizations that I don't really care anymore. I just want to get it over with.

I also haven't really gone a day being fully sober in a very long time. Maybe 8 months. Sobriety is now just a painful inconvenience and whenever I can, I drink, or I smoke, or take whatever's on hand.

What do I do, 99chan? I feel like everybody else is advancing and i'm standing still. I want to feel alive again. I want to feel connected to somebody again. I'm tired of feeling so deadened.I want some kind of motivation so I can get my life back on track but with each passing day I just feel more and more apathetic, whenever i'm not going through intense mood swings which cause me to drink more.

I know this was mostly incoherent, but please, please, help me.
>> No. 3430
This sounds like the kind of situation an internet message board can't help you with. In my opinion, your best bet is seeking support for this. You have been to the psych ward and are medicated so I'm sure you've had experiences with therapists and counselors and may be jaded on that subject but hear me out.

Counseling like any relationship, can be hit or miss. Do some research and find any places in your city that offer counseling services that either you can afford or are covered by insurance or whathaveyou. If you are low-income, there are places that offer this kind of thing on a sliding-scale basis or even for free so look into community services. Try a few different counselors if you need to. Give people time. Find someone you work well with and respect.

Best of luck to you.

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3429 No. 3429 hide quickreply [Reply]
Sup /docta/. I know this isn't the most ideal place on the internet to ask about this kind of issue but what the hell.

I've had a DVT on one leg few years ago.
The circumstances of me getting that blood clot had to do with me doing a really stupid body harming stunt.
Now I have to endure sensations of leg itching, swelling and redness for the rest of my life. And wearing that shitty stocking for the rest of my days.

All of this happened while I was studying first semester in college, after my mother signed me in behind my back.
When studying I felt like shit since I couldn't really fit in and found the curriculum way too difficult for my self. I felt really stressed out.

For some reason I just can't stop blaming my mother.
Despite the fact everyone telling me to just let it go; and LOGICALLY I agree.
But somehow these thoughts pop up when pain in leg becomes very annoying

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3397 No. 3397 hide quickreply [Reply]
Fucking hell. I put so much time, effort, and love into making a relationship with a person and they just don't give a fuck. I try to give people my all over and over again, but not even the slightest effort is ever reciprocated. It happens time and time again, the same process. Modern relationships seem like a game of feigned disinterest. Nobody is ever honest or real anymore, and if they are they are terrified of it afterwards. People will express their love for you and then ignore as if you never existed, what is this sick joke. I wish I didn't have a sex drive so that I wouldn't feel the desire to go through this masochistic cycle over and over again, no matter how much I rationally realize how ridiculous it is. It's not even physical sex that is the problem, but people are so scared of who they are, or scared of someone who is honest. We are all so awash in the noise of life that we can't even hear our friend next to us screaming.
>> No. 3398
Despair not, my friend! It seems you've had a streak of bad luck in the relationship department, but that's not a bad thing in and of itself. Without knowing more details to your relationships' circumstances, I don't have much to go on, but here's what I do know, and you should take heart from it.

The search for a meaningful relationship is just that: a search. Few and far between are those who find one on the first couple tries. In fact, it generally takes many tries to find "the one", so things not working out "time and time again" (as you put it) is par for the course.
Most often, when a relationship fails, we learn that a certain person is not right for us, that we aren't right for them. Sometimes right away, or sometimes after several tries, we learn about ourselves as well - the things we really want out of a significant other and the things we have to offer them in return. Over time we learn a great many such things, but only if we keep trying, and it seems that you're having a certain amount of success to that end.

What matters is what you do with what you've learned. Now, I happen to know that not all "people are so scared of who they are, or scared of someone who is honest". I find it more likely that you've simply gravitated toward those who are, for whatever reason (the best I can divine from the information you provide is that you enter into relationships with a heavy intent to satisfy a sexual urge, which is a poor premise to found a relationship on, imo). My recommendation is for you to reflect on those relationships and see if you might discover warning signs and indicators that will help you identify such people early on, so that you might avoid investing so much time on someone in the future before realizing that they aren't right for you.
>> No. 3400

Thanks, I need to take a step back and stop thinking about women so much.
>> No. 3426
Thank you. anon. Your post instilled in me a little more faith in humanity.
I try to remind myself people like this still exist despite my brain constantly trying to convince they don't. It's reassuring to see i'm wrong. But also it's hard for me to believe you're being 100% honest.

My problem would have to be the opposite exactly: i often feel the person i'm engaging is giving me way too much then what i actually deserved. Showing an interest that is disproportionate to what i know i showed of myself so far.
Too much, too soon. It seems fake, as in I feel perfectly interchangeable with whichever random bitch who can listen and smile.
It's not even about trying to get laid! Damn, I wish it was. It would make much more sense.

Maybe you just need to give other people the time to feel at ease to reciprocate.
Or maybe you do attract the wrong type of girls.

Btw i read your post again and realized i got dragged away by my thoughts and this turned out to probably not be relevant at all.
Still, this is pretty much my only insight on the matter, so there you go.

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3420 No. 3420 hide quickreply [Reply]
Taking MDMA (tested strong, purple, marquis test) for therapeutic purposes: Ingested 1 MDMA baggy at 1.40pm in my parents bedroom orally (5 minutes ago). Stay tuned for updates.

Feeling more energetic (felt immediately, likely placebo?), less anxious, mood lifted, aftertaste, harder to concentrate on finding a pic to use for this post now.

I can smell my subway cookie in its packet...
>> No. 3425
Hahaha, what a story, Mark!
>> No. 3427
Not sure this is the place to post trip reports.

>in my parents bedroom
What. Don't you have your own bedroom to take drugs in?

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3402 No. 3402 hide quickreply [Reply]
Cis-het guy here. I've been with my partner for about ten months. Things have been pretty good, she's fun and it feels easy to be with her. But for the past month-plus, the physicality of our relationship has basically vanished. She identifies as demisexual but has told me she was more sexually comfortable in previous friends-with-benefits type relationships. What really set off this change was after she got a new birth control implant. She's told me that it has been really messing with her too, and that her doctor has told her to take additional medication to counter that which further suppresses her libido.

She has always had a much lower sex drive than other partners I've been with. She blames her birth control, physical difficulties (vaginismus), anti-depressants, and stress. She's stopped binge drinking since we've been together, for which I am obviously supportive, but she also noted that as being something that eased her inhibitions to enjoy sex. But it leaves me feeling like a real scumbag when I try to initiate sex and she doesn't want to, or physically can't reciprocate -- not to mention, yes, 'frustrated' that I'm left aroused with a disinterested partner.

We've spoken about this together. A couple weeks ago, we spent a day out, had dinner together and retired to the bedroom. She told me she didn't feel like having sex, and that's fine, I respect her implicitly. But I did bring up the topic with her, that we hadn't had sex in more than a month and that I was feeling rejected. This week, she told me she would spend the Friday night with me. Truthfully, I should have politely declined. We did have sex, but I don't think either of us enjoyed ourselves. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming her, but she simply wasn't an active partner, just laying under me. Mechanical as it was, she told me to stop before finishing -- that she was cramping and didn't feel well. She offered to finish me with oral sex. Without wanting to sound cheesy, I just don't enjoy myself if my partner isn't enjoying herself. One way stuff doesn't engage me.

I'm not entitled to anything from her. Period. I get that. It isn't fair to compare her to my previous partners (of my serious partners, they were, honestly, equally if not more sexual than myself.) And she is a very good friend, and in ways none of my other friends are. There is still physicality to our relationship, hugging, kissing, petting, and the like. But I feel conflicted and unfulfilled to be with her and not be able to consummate that affection. I'd like to know how I can be a better partner to her, anything constructive helps.
>> No. 3404
Maybe things wouldn't be so bad if modern culture didn't make the idea of shoving plastic bits into your orifices and taking synthetic hormones a normal thing. Is there some reason that you can't use a condom?

Whatever you do I wouldn't press the idea of meeting up for the specific idea of sex. Try to save things, but if things don't change the relationship isn't going to work if you aren't sexually satisfied.
>> No. 3405
I've offered, but she also uses hormonal birth control for herself for heavy period symptoms. I know this is entirely on me. My sexual gratification shouldn't figure into wether or not the relationship is going well. I just need to stop being a horny perpetual-adolescent and accept it.
>> No. 3408

Sex is important. You'll drive yourself crazy being with someone that doesn't meet your needs.
>> No. 3412
That is absolutely false. This is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, really. You shouldn't just get over it, because sexual intimacy is very important. This is obviously a big enough deal to you that you've reached out by starting this thread.

I'm actually going through a similar thing right now: in the past I've been the one with the lower sex drive (once or twice a week is plenty for me) but my girlfriend has been struggling with insomnia, depression, and anxiety and her libido has plummeted. We're working on it but it is often frustrating and I sometimes end up feeling rejected or insecure as a result of it. It's difficult because - and I'm sure you can relate - I want (very badly) to be having more sex but I don't want her to fake it or force it; I want her to want it. And that's why it is so difficult and puts such a strain on the relationship.

It's important to have sexual chemistry in a relationship, to feel like you are desired by your partner, to feel attractive, to feel empowered, and to feel like you can turn them on. So don't try to skirt the issue by saying "it's just me and I need to stop being a horny adolescent and get used to it!" You're just avoiding the issue and trying to repress something that is obviously an issue for you.

Maybe she could talk to her doctor about switching medication, switching birth control, etc. Torpedoed libido is a significant negative side effect and her doctor may help her find something that has less of a negative impact on her life. Couples counseling could also be an option. Does she exercise much? If she doesn't, getting daily (or semi-daily at least) exercise can do wonders for the sex drive.

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3410 No. 3410 hide quickreply [Reply]
I recently started talking to a girl that I met on OkCupid. We have a fair bit in common and we've really hit it off. I like her and I'm fairly certain she likes me. She's looking for something serious and preferably long-term. And I'm fine with that... There is one problem though. In her profile she says she doesn't want kids. I do want kids. Obviously I don't want them right this instant, but one day, in a few years, I would like to be a father.

Should I raise this issue now, before we've actually started dating? Or should I wait until we're together before I bring it up? And if I should wait, when should I ask?

Part of me thinks it's way to early start talking about kids. But part of me is worried that if I don't bring this up now, I'll run the risk of falling in love with her, only to find out she definitely 100% doesn't want kids, which would most likely drive us apart.

What should I do?
>> No. 3411
If you're both looking for something long term, then yes you should bring it up. Maybe not on the first date, but soon, so she has a chance to decide if that is a deal breaker or not.

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