You will always find reasons not to do it.

You are not happy and neither is he.

The sooner you change this, the better.

He lives his own life, and he was living it before he met you. He's responsible for his own life and if he chooses to spend it not getting therapy and being miserable then so be it; but it is not your burden to carry.

In regards to living situation, please have a rough plan for the time being (if you can stay at a friends for a while or something) because it's quite hard to break up with someone and still live with them.

Stand your ground. Break up and stay broken up; for now you need to take it easy and get your head straight.

FYI I'm in exactly your position at the moment. I understand how fucking hard and horrible this is, and I understand that it doesn't feel as easy as people make out. Most of my friends and family say "It's normal" or "Just leave if you're not happy". Anyway I know it's hard, but I believe in you and empathize.

>>3098 has harsh judgements.

Non-kink and kink seem remarkably difficult to reconcile. if the physical attraction is gone, barring cute neurological intervention, it's gone.

I can't teach you any effective defenses because I have none.

Guys have a hard time asking for help. Some of them have a hard time receiving help, at least directly.

Ideally, you both just wake up and start treating each other right, and whatever outside the house or in his past that's causing these difficulties is identified, and you both have the strength to put it to rest and not exacerbate it any further.

Alternately-ideally, you walk away from the situation, but stay attached and talk to people and massage the situation into being less dickish for everyone.

If he or you are on drugs, well, that might not be the cause of it but it might be what, when absent or improved, would improve your situations. Some drugs just aren't as kind as they could be.

Everyone gets scared sometimes. Hopefully we live in a situation where not acting aggressively doesn't have any costs.

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I think you don't want to be in this relationship any longer, and I think that you ought to make the necessary steps to end it.

You can always reopen this chapter of your life, but in the short term at least, trying to force yourself to stay in a relationship that you're not comfortable in isn't going to help you, your boyfriend, or your relationship at all.

Do what's best for the both of you, have an open conversation about it, and make a decision that will help both of you.

If you're a pixie than this elf will always love you. You don't need Razel anymore

"The world on you depends or life will surely end, girl you've got to love your man."

Two and a half years is a real investment. Yes you have problems but they're your problems too. He cares about your soul, even if you don't believe in it. Isn't that nice? And you want to be used like a cheap plaything for his carnal pleasure. That's love. The last two years of your life weren't a test drive that ends back at the dealership. You can't just trade in your boyfriend for a kinkier atheist model. Leave him if it's really the right thing to do but think about the children you could raise in a loving home with someone you respect and are attracted to if you can get this right. Live the dream, don't chase it.

Forgive and ask forgiveness. He'll like that it's Christian.

"Worth" is an interesting concept. Young people are viewed as untrustworthy and under-intelligent; we hire 18-year-olds to wash dishes and bus tables, we hire twentysomethings to wait tables, and in your thirties you finally can be treated like you might have some talent—but by then you're disheartened and tired of life.

Women get the short end of this stick, to be sure, but that's really only because our culture allows women to be reduced to only one criterion for "value," that being their attractiveness. It's shitty and it's going to have to stop eventually.

Aging is a terrifying concept due to our neverending hurtle towards death, sure, but enjoy the ride.

>>2926
>>2926
>>2926
Thanks for letting a 23 year old feel this unwanted feel.

Getting older is awesome I don't know what the fuck you're on about. I was retarded in my 20s. I'm still retarded but I'm in the middle of it so I just don't realize it yet.

I post practice exercises based on my own medical history on the neurology board for that studentdoctor forum pretending to be an old and wise neurosurgeon. It makes me respect age by seeing how easily young people can be tricked

>>3084
23 is still very much young. I'm 30, but don't feel old. Change your mindset. Hell, 30 is still not that old. I haven't even reached the halfway point of the average life expectancy.

But, to the OP, you just deal with it. I cared a lot more about age when I was younger. Now, it's a non-issue. If I could have changed one thing regarding this whole issue, it would be to tell my younger stuff to stop worrying about something you can't change and just live life.

I've met people who are polyamorous, which is what it sounds like you're referring to. Basically you have a primary partner (girl a) and then you have a secondary or tertiary (girl b, girl c) and you all date casually or seriously. Some people have a wife and girlfriend, some people will seek out lesser secondary relationships. It depends on what you and your primary are comfortable with and what you can handle. Obviously, it takes some effort to make sure that everyone is comfortable and feels that they are getting what they need from the arrangement. Some poly couples will form a "triad" where they both date the same third person, which is what your dream sounds like.

Alternatively, you can find a lot of secondary partners that aren't interested in a romantic setup but a sexual one. Basically you'd have a primary romantic/sexual partner and then a secondary sexual partner. There's no limit to who and how you can date, so long as you make sure everyone is getting their needs met.

Ultimately, we can only place things in relation to the other things in our head, so the whole notion of comparing emotional intensity is kind of difficult.

That said, each of us has different things that make us feel vulnerable. Some people have more such triggers, others less; I know for sure there are people who feel vulnerable more often than myself, and those who do so less; largely, it comes down to our experiences and habits.

I feel vulnerable lol! In a world of left handers and right handers an ambidextrous man may know his position but a neither handed man suffers to not know.

I think you misread it as nine months instead of a year and nine months, but I understand what you're saying, and it still applies. I by no means fully know her, and since it was over half a year ago that we broke up I've surely romanticized her in my mind.

Thank you for the advice. I'm hopeless when it comes to things like this. I'll try my best to take it, and I'll post if anything happens.

>>3032 You're right, I did.

So the lack of certainty doesn't apply as much in terms of your history then, but I think the best approach here is one of caution. I don't think you should necessarily rule anything out at this time, so much as proceed with a circumspect and conservative approach until you have more information on the situation.

Disclaimer: I am bad at being people.

I'd try saying or messaging something like "I miss you too, and I really preferred the peace I had with you to what I've got going on now. Give me a call or a text or come see me at ____ anytime, and we'll talk about it. :) I'm really glad you think I get you; " and then if it's true, "I like talking with you. The more we talk and spend time together the more sure I am... I could do that forever."

Also, oddly enough, in an ideal relationship, some kinds of trust are not necessary. Friendship is. My definition of true love is 'friends with the best benefits' - no responsibilities other than staying and keeping each other safe, unintense, and happy. I am boring and like being boring. This might not apply to your situation, but I highly recommend it. :)

So I waited until yesterday to message her again. It was a goodbye message because I couldn't deal with waiting on a call anymore. Instead we ended up texting and ultimately talking on the phone. As it turns out she was just mad at him at the time of the first call, so we're just going to be friends, at least that's how it seems. That's fine by me since it was my original aim in contacting her. Talking to her helped though. It made me idealize her less, which might help me to move on. We'll see though. I appreciate the help you guys gave, and will probably be back sooner or later with other relationship woes.

Do your research. Do your background intel collection. Find out if your idea is even worth bringing up. Information is the first step in any endeavor, so make sure you have all of it.

Once you can manage that, you can determine the best way to approach.

Or, you could just accept that it's pretty awkward either way, in our society, to ask a married couple if you can get involved.

In the alternative, go out and find other people to crush on. Find the reasons you shouldn't like this couple, whether that means finding reasons you hate them or finding reasons that you don't want to step in to their lives in that way.

The best way to get rid of a crush is to find something to distract.

The thing you're looking for is called limerence. As I understand, it generally either shows up right away or not at all. But that's okay, because it isn't really necessary.

There are lots of different kinds of love. Everyone feels love differently and even the same person probably won't feel the same love for two different people. It also changes as you age and mature and gain different types of experience. So when you say that you think you'll never love her like you loved your ex, you're probably right. But that's okay. Love isn't ruined for you, it's just taken on a different meaning now because of what you're gone through.

So no, it isn't necessarily a problem that you aren't getting that head-over-heels thing with this lady. You can still develop a deep, satisfying emotional connection with her, the kind that grows slowly over time and with shared experience. Just enjoy your time with her and try not to compare your current relationship to the one you had before, because it's not going to be the same. That doesn't mean it won't be as good - just not the same.

I'm from some kind of fucked up nightmare, constantly staring at unattainable ideals, so take my advice with care:

You'll find it again, with your new girl, just gradually and healthily.

You're all set up to realize that what you were chasing before was like a crack fix; might help your performance in life but might also have a cost. Crack : health :: limerance :: true love. Both are kind of putting the cart before the horse.

You neglect important things... like your significant other being an emotionally cheating ho and not getting how this "open relationship" thing works - you're supposed to go out and find good when you feel like it and bring it home, as opposed to grovelling and "I'm-not-worthy-ing". That's love without friendship, which, like limerance, sublimates rather awkwardly. You need to be able to laugh at yourself peacefully, and be laughed with and not at. Both partners do. Yeah, I know it's a tall order.

I'd talk to her about this and present the upsides above just in case. If she really loves you she might be like "That's a perfect plan. Let's do it!"

OTOH, some people require amphetamines to function, for whatever reasons. And if you've got everything else, self-actualization is the last thing on the pyramid. I've been through situations where the presence of at least one cute girl I was crushing on was keeping me going when there were few other alternatives... not yet conclusively healthy, but can be necessary. Erch. Differing perspectives.

>>2794

This seems like it might be victim blaming.

Have you ever seen a genuine positive emotional connection, and not constant give-and-take nagging?

"The trouble with thinking that women are abusive and full of bullshit is that you completely bypass any idea that you might not be particularly pleasant to be with, or perhaps your relationship skills need a lot of work." <-- Sounds like

>bro you only deserve conditional or tough love

which might not be true.

I may or may not have seen purely unconditional love but I'm pretty sure I ain't livin' it up right now. If I were I'd just give you the number of the girl or guy to call to blow all your expectations out of the water.

>>3044 I have watched couples form and break apart, I have loved and lost and loved again, I have crushed, I have seen crushes from afar, I have been crushed upon, and do you know what I've noticed?

Some people are abrasive and obnoxious, and it's difficult to enjoy their company.


Anyhow, OP:

"Gravitating" implies that you've got a life full of emotionally abusive women. A mother and a girlfriend do not a pattern make. Assuming that you're leaving out some salient examples, you need to look at the characteristics that you don't want to see in a partner, and those that you do, and determine if you're bringing this upon yourself by ignoring red flags intentionally, or if it's something less self-destructive.

Some people are obnoxious and abrasive... to some people, yes. I've been told that the trick is to find people who don't interpret you that way.

Maybe I just lack self-insight (Maybe? Ok, definitely) but I know that growing up who was popular and who was not was not a matter of who did what; it was a matter of connections. The unpopular kid gets low grades? "Oh, you're obnoxious, and a retard to boot." Scores well? "Oh, so you're a know-it-all." Acts friendly? "Fuck off, creeper." Acts angry? "What's your fucking attitude malfunction?"

Popular kids do poorly in school? "Oh that's fine we'll take you to an amusement park and you'll just get it later" Scores well? "Time for an allowance raise, and an internship job!" Acts nicely? "Oh he's such a golden boy!" Acts like a jackass? "Oh he's just trolling, he's harmless."

Bottom line is, if people don't respect you they'll find fault in whatever you do. The best thing to do is to just leave them alone to their happiness, and look for someone whose happiness is _enhancing_ you, not putting you down.

And, hey, maybe you already know someone like that, and you're just overlooking them. I know at least I often wish that a good person would knock me out of my failspiral... but maybe my job is to take the first step.

Or figure out how to fix the angry people. Maybe I'm just not doing it right, or something...

>>3061 Also, "school" is actually the least germane example to life as whole.

You should work on cutting the adjectives and the judgements.

Go to the doctor and talk about this issue. Listen to what is said and be as honest as you possibly can. Listen to the doctors suggestions, and importantly do not underplay your emotions or feelings. Your doctor will go through the relevant procedures and you might well find a clear route to getting better.

Find a local counselling service and devote whatever time frame it is (one hour once a week for example) to yourself. Go and visit your counsellor and work with that person for six months or more.

Think about friends that you've lost contact with, and consider a rough plan as to when you could approach them again.

Eat well, make an effort to.

Leave the house every day. Even if you don't know why or what to do. Go out, move, walk everywhere, get familiar with trees or cars or whatever it is you live around. If you have to, make an excuse to leave the house, even if it's to go to the shop and buy a chocolate bar.

Some people are loners, at least for a while. That's cool.

Some people live in shells, and need others to get them out, whether through action or being acted upon. That's cool too, so long as everyone stays safe and happy.

Real friends don't judge; they understand that whatever negative-ish choices you make are just playing out past trauma or drama, and do what they can to patch you up, and watch you grow whole, just to see you smile again, and stay that way.

And don't give yourself that 'but my life has been easy' crap. Do you remember all of your dreams? No? A part of you does. The subconscious mind can do awful fucking things to a suitably sensitive, confused individual. Find someone who'll patch you up, who you can really lean on, and who makes your dreams sweet and good. Consider whether any of your friends do that, or if they act consistently against that pattern of your interests. If it's the former, well, maybe you've got some self-unknown issues dragging you down, keeping you from your deserved support.

1: Assume your friends will show you no sympathy or mercy.
2: Steel yourself, gird your loins, etc.
3: Get back in touch, and just talk explicitly with them about this.

If they act like you're a fag, they're acting like fags, and you know why you shut yourself away to begin with. If they've acted like fags before, well, maybe they just had some of their own problems. Maybe things have gotten better. There's probably an automotive analogy here, or a technological one, or something - someone needed to prime a pump or siphon something.

Someone out there doesn't think you're a fag, anon.

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>>3051

I'm sorry, but what the fuck is going on? All I'm getting from this situation is "I want someone to do everything I want them to, but I'm not going to tell them very clearly and I'm going to throw a hissy fit when things don't go exactly how I want."

Fucking, sit down and take a little break, ease up.

Nothing you can do will change this situation, clearly you need to be single for a while and get your head together and do a little work on being a good person and just being able to enjoy your life and do what you want.

You are in control, and you can choose to move on. You should chose to move on regardless of whatever this girl is doing. You don't need to explain it, justify it, or wait for someone to hear it, to understand it. You can say "I am doing this now"

And for fuck's sake stop saying shit like "I want to be good" or "I don't want to be the bad guy" or "I just want to love this person" do you seriously think that anyone wants to hurt another? We have to hurt people, and if we have enough in us we can do it with grace. Most problems are caused by trying to avoid hurting people.

"Most problems are caused by trying to avoid hurting people." Yeah I have come to learn that very well. We've lied to each other a lot. Man so many people have told me to move on...part of me really wants to still but another part thinks I should give her the chance she gave me when I fucked up real bad.

I saw and spent the night with her last night. It was good. No fighting. Watched an episode of Breaking Bad. I could feel the Lexapro working. Everything was alright..

You need to distill and clarify your thoughts.

This girl has a history before you. Why does that anger you so much? A simple answer.

Cuz in my head I picture her loving it. The way she loves me. Which makes me feel like I am just another guy filling her void. Idk. These meds are working. I can deal with the unwelcoming thoughts now without wanting to explode. So I guess this conversation is closed.

Thank you for your advice anon friend!

NP, good luck. Just please remember: She loves you more. And one day soon she'll behave accordingly. If not her, then someone better. :)

Hopefully this isn't too late, but...:

When I was younger I used to think that absolute safety and care and peace, never knowing troubles, was the ideal.

My English teacher used to say: Dante's Inferno was the model for all heroic narratives. It can seem necessary to journey to Hell and back to make the slight modifications necessary in yourself to get what you want at your home base. There are wise heroes, and then there are brave heroes. As a general rule it pays to assume that wisdom is out of the question, and then act wise anyway.

Out of curiosity is A short and blonde? Does her name meaning translate to "Lady of true love"? She's like that for everyone, man. Best of luck to you. Women do make sense, just not the sense that you expect. All of them are covered in red flags; you get drawn in thinking 'Of course I can defuse this situation!', and then you walk away dickless thinking 'What the hell just happened?... Oh, respect judo instead of construction.' My folks have a saying which roughly translates to 'It's all a troll, son. Just gtfo. gtfo is also a troll. gtfo anyway.'

Just be a bonobo. Humanity wants chimpanzees like we want .50 caliber ear piercings. We'd _like_ to be bonobos.

Women just wear armor, which we are trained to interpret as amour or a challenge. We see other guys getting away with just tearing this shit off and going for it, and it all working out well from the outside. If you aren't the ideal hypothetical alpha, trying that shit yourself just leaves you looking like a goddamn idiot. Think about the second trial from Raiders of the Lost Ark. In some situations it's like, whatever the outcome is, it's also flagged "Duh."

Also: Broski, you get tantric sex IRL and in dreams. That's more than a lot of us get. I hope to God you get it for free, and it stays good and never stops.

... The kayaking gear is important. If you'd levitated it would she be like "Why aren't you carrying it?" If you carried it, vice versa? If you made it vanish, would she be like "But we look better with kayaks!"? Likewise vice versa? That's a sign that the respect necessary is currently absent or dormant.

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This can be easily solved by talking to her about your concerns, clearing the air about expectations and obligations, etc.

Having a partner who you feel pushes you to try things you wouldn't otherwise try does not necessarily mean you are selfishly using your girlfriend as a sexist trope. The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is more a tool of media criticism for portrayals of women as accessories for a male protagonist's growth. In real life, relationships are much more dynamic and everyone should have a partner who pushes them to try new things - that's the beauty of any relationship, be it romantic or platonic: through your friend or partner you are exposed to experiences, ideas, and activities that you would not otherwise engage in on your own.

I think you have less to worry about than you think, since your writing of this thread indicates a self-awareness, sensitivity, and critical thought process. So: talk to your girlfriend about your concerns, tell her you don't want her to feel obligated to take care of you when you're sick, she's not obligated to help you vent when you're stressed, and she's not responsible for getting you out of your shell unless she wants to. Which I can almost guarantee she does.

I think a big part of being in a relationship is having someone who will express concern for your well being when you have been under the weather, who will show up with soup or stroke your hair while you lay in bed feeling miserable, who will expose you to new experiences, and help you when you're feeling stressed. The key thing, though, is making sure it's a balanced exchange: do the same things for her, be there for her in the same way she's there for you, and everything is fine.

Also, OMG cat sushi :3

>>2946
I'm with Gaius on this one. What are you trying to do, OP?

#firstworldproblems are still #problems.

>>2879 basically says it all... and if she really is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl: She _gets her benefits in the relationship_ by acting this way towards you. Like, that's what she _wants_ to do. If not 100%, then try to take care of what you can see for her. I guess just ask periodically if things are OK, and maybe reciprocate with homemade lunches or something sometimes? I'm no PhD, but if you think she's devaluing herself by expressing concern, someone or something's tweaked your self-esteem a little. Just stay cool, like, so you can land on your feet if things ever go south, and enjoy.

Pace yourself. I dunno if this is a perfect analogy, but... if your life has been emotionally troublesome, the experience of pure win can be overwhelming, like feeding a month-+ starving man nothing but foix gras. It might be what his body needs... but it needs to be gradual, and slowly sped up, for a while, anyway.

Ideas for nice things to do: Movies and the discussion/mocking thereof. Games, books, songs/albums, just jamming together, walks in the park, walks anywhere else, road trips, vacations, cruises, concerts, meals out, meals in, and working on any mutual dreams and hobbies - sometimes to surprise each other, sometimes together. Variety is the spice of life, and sameness is the meat and potatoes - you need both for a healthy mix.

Just maybe let her know that she's helping you get over whoever or whatever dinged your emotional balance, and you really appreciate it, and ask her if it's OK to talk a little bit more. Unless she's in the same boat and doesn't realize it, and then interprets that as the kind of mockery that completely shuts down the lines of communication. I'd think that in a healthy relationship people can talk about their own issues and receive support rather than "OMFG R U MOCKING ME"... but what do I know? I fail the mirror test for sapience every damn day, apparently.

Bad-case scenario to prepare for: She's more Magical Negro than Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Once you have your self-esteem she decides/declares that she's not the one/the stars have crossed/whatever and moves on. This does not seem likely from your post, but... idk how to insure against this. If your friends, family, or coworkers are legitimately great friends, you could maybe ask them to help, but given that from a certain angle you're assuming that you're toxic no matter what you do, they might be a part of the problem.

Everyone just needs more good. Take care of yourself. Take care of others. Don't exhaust yourself, and, while you have this great relationship, keep it.

I guess just remember: Everything is tenuous and unpredictable. Life is odd and unpredictable in some ways. In your life you've probably faced and coped with craptons of far worse things that you can't or don't want to remember. If it helps, try reminding yourself that you've more than earned the good in your life, and that it's a cakewalk compared to where you've been before. Just play with your stride. :) Best of luck, and love!

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I won't ban you this time, but please for future reference only use the quote function to quote. This isn't 4chan.

Also it seems to me you're having a pretty good time, on average.

Kind of in a distantly similar boat?

Stability is a highly-sought-after treasure. Russians, for all their faults, have wonderful concepts. One, "NZ", "nedatrozhneye zapasi", basically means "untouchable reserves". Basically? Everyone needs at least one Good Guy Greg tier friend, and a trust fund. Metaphorically if not literally.

We were chatting today and the topic of moving came up. She had been planning on moving back to the area even though she wouldn't be dating her previous boyfriend, but today she suggested I apply for a student visa and that I should move to her hometown. I have basically no friends in the area now (they all coincidentally have moved near to her hometown), and she knows this. She was really into the idea of being roommates. I didn't think it would be realistic for me to get a student visa due to my GPA making a transfer difficult, and I suggested she could immigrate to the States on a student visa and we could live together here. She was also interested in this idea. She was interested in this idea despite that she ALSO doesn't have many friends in the area due to most of them moving back closer to the Toronto area.

If that idea comes to pass, I feel like there's only two ways it might play out. Together romantically happily-ever-after, or not being able to remain friends with her. The second is the much more likely possibility. I'm confident I can do as much as a cuddle-buddy friendship with her, but if we were living together, I don't think I could maintain that boundary. The idea of a cuddle-buddy friendship has such ill-defined boundaries as it is. I'd almost say that a fuck-buddy relationship is easier to define.

Would it be awful if I told her that I didn't think it would be a good idea to live together? This girl is my best friend and being around her all the time would probably be great, but rationally, I know that it's probably a bad idea.

I can see how you might think that, and you might not be wrong at all. However, in the here-and-now, I don't feel that way at all. Usually, when I've been romantically interested in someone, I get jealous and selfish with them. But in this case, I know that she's in love with her awful ex, and it doesn't bother me. I know that she's dating/sexing someone else, and it doesn't bother me. I have a suspicion that she might even be having a polyamory deal with another guy friend she has, and that doesn't bother me.

Maybe in the future I would want her as my girlfriend, I can't say for certain, but right now, I just want to cuddle my best friend. Nothing more.

Conversely, when I had my crush on her before, I was jealous. I didn't like that she had chosen that other guy. I resented the fact that I had used the distance as an excuse to not pursue a closer relationship with her when she was willing to go to University closer to the border so she could date this other guy. I wished that she could have been mine.

Some people might say it's shitwizardry, and you're not guaranteed to get a straight answer, but... if you spend any more time with her, and your friendship allows, I guess ask her why she's seeking that ex of hers. Maybe find some similar feelings in you that you've buried but haven't dealt with, to get on similar wavelengths. After that maybe just get it off your chest, like, "I"m happy with the way things are between us. I also think I could be happier, because I do have some #firstworldregrets" (make sure you pronounce the hashtag properly... nah just kidding)

It's like... maybe both your exes weren't great people. Maybe you're looking for friendship you can build love on. Maybe you each need to serve as a positive example towards each other.

You check out women your own age all the time but you don't sexually assault them. Why can't you do the same with younger girls?

You have OCD.

>>3016
This poster is clearly a medical doctor and has enough information to offer a diagnosis.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg5d9fdwI0o

Just breathe. Assuming you're American, here's a silver bullet:

So long as current laws are in place, loli personality will always be unfuckable. Respect yourself and hold out for a real golden opportunity: Canadian 15-year-olds. Perfectly legal, all the upsides, and if the personality is right, none of the shitwizardry that characterizes American personality.

Sorry, multipost here.

I got hired onto an at-home job but I might have trouble meeting their exact specifications. I'm hoping they won't have something that detects my hardware. They also want me to be hooked up direclty to the modem (no wifi) which is also impossible for me.

I was provided a cheap laptop to help me out but it may not work if I'm not lucky. Right now my biggest problem is being unable to connect to my home network but somehow able to connect to the library. I have some money on my amazon account that I'm attempting to trade for a windows 7 pc in person.

Also, the employer that did take me on, promised a full work day next Monday but a possibility of increased work hours the week after that. I've heard this before with a retailer and I'm not so sure I can trust this information.

>>2996
>I've heard this before with a retailer and I'm not so sure I can trust this information.
All you can really do is see if, when the time comes, they follow up on their word.

I hope your computer/internet situation works out OK so the job can go smoothly.

More shit has happened... This isn't gonna be easy I guess. No mercy for someone with anxiety. Right now I'm just angry. It's one of rarest moments for me to be angry. I hope I can work things out though. It's kind of a first for me to deal with such a... special land lady. It's many firsts for me. Today I am still determined but who knows what will happen tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best.

Op here. Things are looking better. I'm homeless but have more ease of mind than at my previous residence. I started my retirement fund: $10. Got a decent phone with decent service and a little bit of money trickling in.

Been very consistent with going to various meetings, working out, and constantly looking to improve my income and head towards my cater interest.

Keep your phone powered ;)


Best of luck, and I'd say 'sorry for the long reply' but it sounds like you could use as much plain and comprehensive advice as possible, so long as it doesn't exhaust your resources.

Do you have any friends you can stay with? I was recently evicted but I'd suck a landlady's dick to get that spot back and stand guard at night (it's sorta supersketchy) if a friend came to me and told me this.

You can earn a little bit of money and gift cards and such if you do online surveys, though that gets tough and old. I might be talking from pure self-interest but amateur, non-kink porn might also be a great way to go. I have no fucking idea how the market is but I've always just <3<3<3 anytime I've found some real, genuine, loving amateur content.

If that's over the rubicon but you still have a safe place to stay... what about your dreams and hopes? What about your talents, rather than just paying the bills? Some semi-wise Russians say, 'find a job you like, never work a day in your life'. If that's not as/more sardonic than it seems... maybe the hobbies that asshats insist are dragging you down could genuinely make for a great employment. Say, if you like smoking weed and playing vidya, you could try joining the twitch streamers.

Blogging is kind of hit or miss - you really need an audience and props from someone more popular; my shit's just kind of a curio. Then again, a lot of great works were "just curios" for a long time until the creator got a patron. People tend to identify greatness as nonsocial freakishness until... if not force-fed, then finding themselves in need, or just curious.

Any kind of creative job is really hit-or-miss, "connections" and all that. This might be a longshot, but... maybe you're meant for a creative job. Maybe you're meant to be an underling - say someone's got a bunch of great game ideas but for one reason or another has difficulties with coding or art, compared to you. You both profit if you ghost-write, so to speak, and you might give them that particular touch that finally gets their ideas off the ground.

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Heh heh, that ship was like ten times bigger than the pic, I guess they must have been fighting halfway across the galaxy to get here, which is flattering really, but I was fine.

Like I'm pretty sure the alien parasites had entered the gametophyte stage, so they were harmless to the surviving humans. I think all they wanted to do was fuck, really.

But yeah, leave it to the cavalry to show up guns blazing just as the orgy was about to start. Keep in mind at the beginning of the dream I was on the run from the law, so you can imagine my anxiety when a fucking planet destroyer pulls into high orbit.


A little backstory: In a previous dream I had escaped from the inescapable prison. The facility floats in the clouds and has standard security measures, with a certain degree of freedom of movement, since where the fuck are we gonna go. Anyway it's designed so that it's almost impossible to go up a level, but actually not that hard to break the security to go down a level. Did I mention the lowest levels are holographic? So if you keep going down eventually you just fall and die which is why no one tries to escape.

I have no idea how I managed to piss off the biggest, blackest nigga on the block, I mean ok maybe I mind blasted him like once or three times... But anyway he starts chasing me, and you know the only way to go is down.

I fucking hate falling dreams, and my powers of flight... well let's just say I've lost my license. But in a moment of genius, I manage to conjure up a freaking parachute by just imagining "what if I had a parachute?", big nig goes splat, and I begin my career as an escaped convict.

>>2960
That's really pretty cool. Most dreams for me are basically either new or recurring, but it sounds like you're basically dreaming in continuing episodes. Keep us posted here. I want to know what happens aboard the vagabond.

I dunno about lucid dreaming properly. I really don't. A lucid dream that isn't a nightmare that I don't wake up from has always been my definition of heaven, and basically my goal for the vast majority of my life. Everything else has been a taste of heaven, wrapped up in various... let's be generous and say 'chaffy wrapping papers'.

The nice part in dreams is when you can take a proper right turn. You know how they say, "If you want to stabilize a lucid dream, look at your hands; if you want to start a new scenario, just spin really fast"? Try combining the two, while thinking of your ideal... basically dream-fanfic. Either the orgy, or just the two of you finding each other again and then maybe leading up to the orgy, or maybe not! Maybe just a nice pleasant verdant field with great potential somewhere, where you two are as like unto gods, and never conflict or hurt yourselves or each other, and don't return to this shitpile of a planet.

Not that I want you gone - I want you happy. Maybe you'll find a part of me out there. ;)

Fortune indeed does favor the bold.

This thread is brilliant and I would like to express my admiration and love for it and all of its participants.

Congratulations mang, what was holding you back?

Oh mah gawd, I haven't visited 99chan in a long while - been skimming the threads on all the boards I frequented formerly just now, and stumbled across this one. Sounded oddly familiar, until I noticed that the drunk, happy OP was me :D

> Neat! Does your ladyfriend know you were a virgin?
Yes, she knew about it, and it was kind of my "hook" actually... "Wanna experience how it is to take someone's virginity...?" This was actually a question born of desperation and I never expected her to answer "maybe". It took a few months until it actually happened - This happened in a time of emotional turmoil for her, being in half-serious relationships all the while, so it took some time and a fair bit of persistence on my side until she decided to just go for it.
The fact that she knew about it made the act itself a lot less tense. It was still kind of awkward, as first times probably always are, but at the same time it was beautiful and we cuddled and giggled for hours afterwards due to the massive influx of hormones. It is a day I gladly remember.

> Congratulations mang, what was holding you back?
It's hard to pin this to a single deciding thing, of course. In general, I think it was me growing and changing myself for the better which at some point led to me being desirable. An incomplete list of things that I feel had a role in me getting to copulate and, more importantly, have a relationship:
- After severe issues with motivation for finishing my bachelor's degree and having a sucky personal life in general, I finally got help by going to a psychiatrist and subsequently getting cognitive behavioral therapy. This is probably the single most important improvement that catalysed a lot of further positive changes in my life.
- I play the guitar. She thinks guys playing the guitar are hot. I don't actually play it much on stage or in public much, but rather for myself. Maybe I'd had success quicker if I had put myself out there more, but I was always shy and didn't feel like I was good enough to bother other people with my music.
- Singing in a choir.
- Overcoming my hatred and derision for others, and when I had that down, overcoming my hatred and derision towards myself.
- Being bold, as a certain Casanova often propagated. (E.g. see "Wanna take my virginity?" above.)
- Anti-depressants.
- Deliberately putting myself in situations where I would be rejected by girls, if all else failed. However, I only did this when I felt I could take it on emotionally. This way, in the worst case, I got clear signals to break off pursuit of the girls I did this with. In the best case, I'd actually not be rejected, which happened with my now-gf. In other instances, I gained close friends from this.

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>>3022
Thank you so much for coming back with more info! Your post is good not just as an update for those of us who wanted to hear more but also as a positive example for others who might stumble across it about the way self-insight, the courage to seek outside help, a focus on branching outward in life, and a lot of persistence can pay off in a big way.

There are people much younger than you who worry and fret about how they'll be a "virgin forever" (a certain Santa Barbara resident comes to mind) so it's great to see that not giving up, staying positive, accepting help, and focusing on creating meaningful connections with others can turn things around.

Sweet fancy moses, this board has been really, really uplifting lately in the wake of UCSB. I was expecting to come here to find a bunch of trolling attempts, and instead I've got success stories from a bunch of nerds helping a bunch of other nerds.

Congratulations, man, and thanks for elaborating on what led you to the goal.

Yes, of course. A lot of CBT is aimed at just that. Ignore negative or fearful or limiting thoughts and move forward with action.