Hard to say.

From the way you describe how the evening went, it sounds like when you wanted to cuddle, she interpreted that as sexual/physical interest. It also sounds as though she were pleased by that. So when you later told her that you weren't interested in that way, she probably wasn't very happy about it.

I don't think you mistook her friendliness. I think you pissed her off.

So as for the best course of action... well, first things first, make sure that you understand the situation. I would meet up with her again and try to have a frank conversation about what the two of you want from each other. I know you said that you weren't pursuing a sexual relationship, but are you open to one? Because (if I'm interpreting the situation properly) that would be the easiest way to make things smooth between you - to give her what she wants. If you really aren't interested, then just explain that you're into non-sexual cuddling (because that's pretty uncommon) and that you'd like to be her friend and see how she reacts.

>>2139

OP here,

It's not that I'm not open to a sexual relationship, it's just that I don't actively pursue sex like a lot of guys do so I think that may have thrown her off a bit. I'm not sure if that makes me weird, it's just that sex has never been a priority for me and I've never been particularly confident in my value as a sexually attractive person anyway because I've never received the attention from women that would warrant such confidence.

I never said I wasn't interested in her physically, I simply said that I wasn't attempting just to get sex from her because I'm interested in more of her than just her body. I'm afraid my brain simply isn't wired up to automatically seek out sex from females, could be due to a long period of years of not having a female interest in my life, whereas I understand most relationships work by having sex first and then everything else is built after that, that's just not how I've ever operated before.

If it's true that she was actually looking for sex then that's even more confusing, because what she was saying was giving off the exact opposite impression and my impression of her as a person was that sex wasn't a big deal for her either, especially after she said other guys had said the same thing as me but just to try and get sex from her and she made it clear that was something she didn't like.

I'm not sure if talking to her so frankly about what she wants from the whole cuddling thing would be a good idea, because to me it would seem like making a mountain out of a molehill so to speak and I don't want to make it seem as if it's a major deal to me.

I've thought about it myself, and since I asked her to give me a chance, I'm just going to try and act cool about it if she still wants to be involved with me. The problem is I like this girl, but I just don't have the confidence to ever initiate something sexual, I could never just say to a girl so bluntly "wanna fuck?" because no matter how much I want to fuck, to me being so brash about it feels as if I'm going against every fibre of my being, as if I'm pretending to be somebody that I'm not.

I guess it's the humiliation of rejection I fear more than anything that makes me not interested in trying to get sex. I know I have a lot to compete with when compared to a lot of other guys which would require me to do things like go to the gym, work out, etc which are just things that really don't interest me and I'm not willing to put the effort into them, which would ultimately mean I'm the creator of my own troubles here.

I know it's bad, but I just really enjoy my nerdy habits. I love playing video games, I love tinkering with my tech, I love reading and all these other things that don't involve anything too physical, I take these things as being part of my identity, and it feels as if I were to not do these things anymore I'd be sacrificing a large part of myself. I've never enjoyed sports or anything that wears my body out and believe me I've given all of these things a good try but I just find them to be insufferably boring so I've never stuck with these things long enough to see any benefits. However it seems that to get any girl you have to be the archetype male; athletic, strong, dominating, of which of these things I am none of them, so to be honest it kind of looks like I'm given a simple option of either becoming such an archetype male or just not getting what I want.

>>2140

OP here again,

It's likely to be assumed at some point or other that I'm your typical introverted neckbeard with no friends or social activities and weighing about 20st.

I just wanted to clarify that I do have good social circles and I do socialise frequently and just because I enjoy my nerdy stuff I'm not afraid to go outside and have a good time. I'm not slim or athletic but I'm not grotesquely obese either, I just have the build of a lazy man.

Just wanted to clear that up before any assumptions on that are made.

Value yourself as a person. You're the best you you can be. She will appreciate you if you do. Anyway, from the situation, it seems like she likes you; it's just she doesn't want to be used for sex. So just continue hanging out with your natural intentions in mind and your actions will speak for themselves. I don't think you need to discuss it too much. You're not in the wrong and neither is she.

>>2142

Thanks Anon.

It's really easy for me to get worked up about small little things and make a big deal out of nothing. But my head is clear now and I think I'm on the right path.

Thanks again, and Merry Christmas (I have a lot of rum in my system, this is a good thing)

>>2140
There are a few things I’m getting from reading your post that I’d like to comment on.

You seem to be under the impression that only a certain type of man is able (or likely) to attract women. This isn’t true. When 2142 says that she’ll appreciate you if you just be yourself, that isn’t necessarily the case- different women appreciate different types of people. So THIS one may not, but there’s almost certainly SOMEONE out there who will. I’m not trying to bum you out, I just think it’s important to say that “just being yourself,” while a good idea, is not guaranteed to be attractive to any given woman.

You also seem to think that men who enjoy nerdy hobbies aren’t attractive to women. Not true. See above. There’s a lot about nerd culture that makes women feel unwelcome, because a lot of it is marketed and designed specifically toward men, but it isn’t as though no women enjoy video games, or date men who enjoy video games.

You don’t need to give up any aspects of your identity in order to be attractive to women. Losing your fear of rejection, on the other hand (or at least controlling it), is a must. No one accomplishes anything difficult on the first try. Go get rejected, and learn from it, so you can move past it and move on to getting accepted.

Last, when you write “I never said I wasn't interested in her physically, I simply said that I wasn't attempting just to get sex from her because I'm interested in more of her than just her body,” that sounds like you think being sexually attracted to a woman means not appreciating her intelligence and personality. Also not true. Being sexually attracted to a woman is a good thing, and in no way reduces the appreciation you might have for her other qualities. There are a lot of people who don’t see women’s non-sexual qualities, and that’s really not attractive for most women. But to say that you can only appreciate one or the other is bullshit.