How do you friendzone a motherfucker in a polite way

I'm not physically attracted to my girlfriend anymore.

Some background:

We met a year and a bit ago. She lives in my home county and I go to a university 300 miles away from her. I see her at holidays for a few weeks at a time and a few times this year we've visited each over during term-time. Long distance hasn't really been an issue for me, for the past three months work's been unyielding and until I finish my degree and get my life back, I haven't got time to be sexually frustrated. I'm not jealous by nature and we have a lot of mutual friends so I'm never worried about the other end.

The Problem

Each time I've seen her she's gotten a little bigger. At first I didn't care she was thick to start and got a little thicker, now she's pretty big and she doesn't carry it well. She has terrible habits, drinking a litre of coke a day, comfort eats when she's stressed and on top of that she's impulsive, she'll squeal and buy chocolate that catches her eye.



She came down for a couple of days recently, left on Monday, and there were times I really couldn't find her attractive, if she gets any bigger, i don't know what. I need to bring it up but I'm worried, given her behaviour, she won't do anything about it and just get pissed at me.

So how the hell do you bring this sort of thing up?

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Drugs like melatonin and African dream herb can cause strange dreams.

When I first took melatonin 10 mg, I had two nightmares. In one, I was in a shower and there was soap everywhere. I began slipping all over the place and I grabbed onto a hand towel hanging from the shelf pole. I was still slipping. For some reason I tried to write a suicide note on the towel.
In the other nightmare I was in the lounge area of one of the school buildings on campus. It was night time and I was stuck to the ceiling. I had to roll away from the fire alarms because they were cooking me with microwaves.
When I woke up I experienced sleep paralysis and felt like I was having a psychedelic flashback. Then I started flying around campus somewhere and there was lots of snow.

I decided to take melatonin an second time. I had a vivid dream that took place in a shopping mall. In one area there was a salon out in the open. In another area there were green metal bathtubs shaped like exotic plants in the display windows. In yet another area there was a bestbuy type store and one of the rooms had a VR headset attached to an xbox 360 controller. The graphics were awful as was the viewing range, and I struggled to keep my eyes open.

I want to start logging my dreams. If I have multiple completely distinct dreams in s single night, should I start logging them all?

Also, when looking for meaning in my dreams re: what I'm thinking about, will they all be relevant or will it be mostly filler?

>>	Anonymous 14/02/01(Sat)12:13 No. 2895 >should I start logging them all? Why would you discard anything? What would that achieve? >when looking for meaning in my dreams Don't.

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Anonymous 14/02/01(Sat)13:48 No. 2896 File 139128050572.jpg - (59.93KB , 399x298 , 9cyPFQbgCnn9jainIw3ZmiXko1_500.jpg ) >>403 >Why would you discard anything? What would that achieve? I have my first log. I have written small summaries of each dream as I woke throughout the night. I can't help but feel it would be better if I just had one big detailed entry. >On Atlantis, (trading w/ ?ro) w/ 1500 --- >In HP universe planning reincarnation w/ evil witch as Hermione --- >Met girl called constitution outside supermarket - got number --- >Was CEO of car assembly line --- >On Enterprise, met alzgrs(?) >Hull = 1 >Saucer = all Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Anonymous 14/02/01(Sat)16:09 No. 2897 >>404 > I can't help but feel it would be better if I just had one big detailed entry. It would be. You should write as much as you can with as much detail as you can manage. >I just want some insight in to what I'm thinking and what's important to me. The point is you won't find any of that in dreams

>>	Anonymous 14/02/01(Sat)16:23 No. 2898 >>405 So what do you believe dreams represent?

Had an odd dream this past night.
It began with me visiting an island. On this island sat a grand cathedral that radiating a ethereal chorus that paralyzed me. I was here with two other faceless individuals. The music ceased and from the regal doors strode three individuals dressed in scarlet vestments. They wore masks, one was glee, the other depression, the center apathy. Striding down the stone steps they asked if I was willingly to accept the burden of horror and all that it offered. The other two with me shook heir heads and dissipated like cigarette ash, leaving me nodding my head. I expedienced a life on this place honing an ability to write horror stories as the three masked priests over saw me, and even had the opportunity to see my daughter born from a vessel they created for me. She was interested in the expression of dance. Any way I can go into more detail if interested, but the dream took place over the course of twelve hours.

Sup /doc/? I need some help/advice on how one is supposed to cope with a relationship that'll never be.

To shed some light on the situation, I met this guy in my English class, and we chit chatted, he approached me for purely physical reasons. We started hanging out a bit more and then he stayed over at my place because he was dropped off here for college by his parents then left with no place to stay. I was trying to be nice and offered him my guest room and whatnot. We slept together and I like him. He's the epitome of "nice guy" stereotype, he doesn't meet people he meets friends, social butterfly, and too nice to reject me.

So at this point we sleep together often, and I like him considerably because it's convenient for me to do so. We don't have much in common. We would never work out really. We act like a couple but we don't use that word. It's a whole cluster fuck of mixed signals. We're incompatible but it's so nice to have these feelings but it's false hope for something that'll never be. And he let's these feelings continue, knowing that it'll ultimately just suck for me in the end.

How do I stop this bullshit game without having to sever all contact? Is it even possible? How do I cope with all this?

Thanks /doc/, you're my only comfort in this situation.

I recently had a dream I was being chased through a candy land-esque landscape by a naked Michael Jackson. The first thing I remember happening was my realization that I was dreaming. Upon full lucidity, I immediately spawned in a tall wooden tower in an effort to evade MJ. I climbed the tower and completed the shape puzzle, 3 diamonds in a wooden mold, which didn't end up doing anything at all. Then I leaped from the tower facing parallel to the ground, and turned erect just before impact to walk away unharmed. Michael Jackson hit the ground and sunk into it. At this point I woke up. I welcome any thoughts or guesses toward the meaning, because this dream was one of the more bizarre ones I've had and it left me pretty confused.

Sup guys, so I had a /dream/.
I will begin from where I first remember.

I was walking on a dirt path which was part of a network of many. These fields were amongst green fields, with the occasional hickory and oak trees lining the roadside. I don't remember these people very well, but I believe we came to a house and we were in a hallway with about 3 doorways in it, all with white doors. I remember something urgent was happening, and somehow, one of us was thrown through one of the doors. There was some sort of betrayal. One of the men I was with who had short, cropped brown hair, and beard trimmed tightly around his mouth, and glasses flying, fastly, through the door, body sideways and in a u like shape. The door went nowhere one would have expected. He was flung into a vast ocean. He splashed in the water, and he became drenched with cool water. I know, because it was almost as if I could feel it, as he bobbed atop the water.
The ocean was bright blue, tropical, beautiful, and the waves were large, swathing over him, yet he always managed to stay afloat. He just drifted there, like a dead man. A feeling of peace came over him, after that sudden urgency that had just led to his outcasting, he felt serene here, now. The waves rose around him, almost chaotically, yet there were no storms brewing in the sky, just bright sunlight. He rose with the waves, to it's peak, and he could see a beach there not far off. The wave nestled him to shore, and he crawled back ashore, looking like a shipwrecked survived, clothes torn and shoes missing.
I was with him again, and we saw that the beach was directly attached to the playground of my old grade school. There were children playing there. We were children again. The only thing off was that with the kids, there were dinosaurs splaying with them. They were their pets, and they played with them like nothing. We surmised we were in an alternate course of history and somehow, the dinosaurs had survived.
We saw a few off on the black having their dinos battle, almost like a dog fight, or a Pokemon duel. Me and my pal walked around the playground, disgusted with these dinosaurs. This was not how history was suppose to be. We set our minds to making things the way the used to be.

That's all I can remember.

This was one of the most vivid dreams I've had in a while. Now, I've read that if I continue to write down my dreams, they will become increasingly vivid. Is this true? What are some other things I can do to have more prominent dreams?

Is there a word for what women feel when they read harlequin novels which contain no sex, like twilight? It's definitely a sexual feeling, but it doesn't involve genitals. It is possible to enjoy such stories without masturbating or even getting physically aroused. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Hello /docta/.

I've got some troubles I'd like to share.


I experienced an overload of negativity around me at a young age, an alcoholic father, a schizophrenic half-brother, a physically violent brother who despised me and a mother with too many people take care of and too many problems to disguise.

In some ways I found the best escape from it all, and yet the worst.

After countless nights of listening to my 19 year old half-brother screaming, hitting walls and throwing things in the next door bedroom, scaring me to death, my parents telling me to ignore it and go to sleep. I did just exactly what I was told, I ignored it and closed off all my feelings, locking away the fears, the disappointment, the regret, the guilt and along with it all the emotions worth living for. I locked away my feelings of joy, happiness, love, passion and many more. It didn't happen instantly, but gradually I closed them more and more off.

It relieved me of all my worries, whenever my half-brother was shouting about suicide, standing with a knife to his wrist threatening to take his own life, it didn't scare me, I simply ignored it as I had been told.

Life became easy.

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Yo /docta/,
Recently I had sex for the first time in 7 months.
*pause for standing ovation*
Only, all three times, I was having trouble getting hard and staying hard. This was happening in April, but I thought that was because I was having sex with a girl I was about to break up with. I don't know to what extent this is psychological and to what extent it is medical. I've taken a lot of prescription drugs (like SSRIs) in my day (although I take fewer now,) and I was wondering if I had permanent side effects from any of them. A similar thing happened to me the first time I tried to have sex; premature ejaculation has never really been an issue for me. I notice it's not as much of a problem when I'm not facing my partner and when I'm in complete control.
I didn't use a condom. I didn't have one, and I feel like if I had tried, I would have had even more difficulty. We had only been on two dates, but both took up the greater part of the day and by the end of our second she made pretty explicit indications that we were in the beginnings of a relationship.
Also she was really quiet. I'm used to some feedback so I know what I'm doing right. She was rough when we were making out, so I went rough during the sex (incl. choking,) and she didn't object. She said she came within the first couple minutes, which I found believable since she had seemed extremely aroused for the previous couple hours.
I haven't seen her since then, but we've made arrangements to meet again. Would it be gouache to begin our third date with sex (meet at her apartment; hang out there afterwards)?
This is only the second girl I've ever dated. I guess I'm seeing her next week. I would have liked to see her sooner but she said she wasn't available. Having to wait a week has made me anxious for some reason I can't really discern. Sorry if this was rambling. Any general/specific advice? Our conversation is still interspersed with some awkward pauses and sometimes I repeat myself, but she seems to really like me.

/doc/ i come to you once again.

here's the situation: for the past year and a half i have been deeply, madly in love with a girl. in the beginning, she had a boyfriend, and we started to become friends. we instantly connected and became very close. i was a super fucking beta and couldn't take any hints that she liked me. eventually she broke up with him and we started dating. one small but important detail is that we were never really "official" at any point. this was due to, in part, the fact that our relationship developed partway in the end of her previous relationship (her mother called me boyfriend #2, and no, we never cheated). but anyway, after she broke up with him we started kissing and saying i love you and all that mushy stuff that goes on in relationships.

she's not a very stable person. she was sexually abused by her father which led to a plethora of issues. depression, anorexia, GAD, OCD, and others probably. she's the most interesting person i have ever met in my life, she can always make me smile, i love her more than i have anyone else.

now about 5 months into our relationship a close friend of hers died and she ended up breaking up with me soon after that (this was last may/june approx). she said it was because i was too good for her, that she didn't deserve me, and that she didn't make me happy (all obviously untrue from my perspective). i was absolutely heartbroken. to add insult to injury, she almost immediately dating someone else. who has been obsessed with her for years. who she said she had no interest in. who lives 6 hours away. and she's still with him. for the past year i have been trying to forget her or get over her, or somehow move on with my life. i simply could not. i tried erasing her from my life, dating, anything. every single day i thought about this girl, there's nothing i could do.

i invited her over four days ago and we spent an afternoon together. we spent the afternoon catching up, talking, hugging. it felt like we were still in love and it was beautiful. i told her that i wanted us to have a future together. she said that i was going off to college in a month (she's a year below me). i told her it's only five years, and that there are still some 60-70 more after that. she said yes, there is life after college.

then i said "that's what i meant by future".

fuck did that feel weird saying, let alone thinking about. i saw her face go blank and freeze for a moment. she put her head into my chest and started crying and apologizing. i really fucking meant it, i want to be with this girl. i have been thinking about her non-stop for the past four days, she's literally consuming my life. i want her to be mine.

i don't know what to do from here, /doc/. here is what i want: she breaks up with the other kid, comes back to me, we have a LDR through college years, and then move into an apartment and spend the rest of our lives together. if she won't come back to me i don't want to waste my college years dreaming about her. the only way i see out of this is giving her an ultimatum, me, now and forever, or never. this is probably a bad idea but i don't know what else i can do without wasting my time. don't say that having a LDR through college is stupid, i know it is. that's how serious i am about this girl. i am willing to do this if i can have her for the rest of my life.

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How does one deal with one's own mortal Oblivion?

So last year around Christmas I had a falling out with my sister. We were in Las Vegas for the holidays (where she lived at the time) and were trying to have a fun family-filled Sin City extravaganza.

However, my sister ruined all of this. She yelled repeatedly at my mother and I about our incompetence on how to behave in "nice" establishments, bullied my mom emotionally and physically, drank constantly (but she was even worse when she was sober) and honestly just put a damper on the whole trip.

For me this was just the last straw. We had been getting along for a while before all of this, but she has no apologized for her behavior and shows no remorse whatsoever.

I don't like her anymore. Of course, I wish her a good life and peace and happiness, but everytime I'm around her I am reminded of what a selfish and shallow person she really is. I have no idea how to remedy the situation, and I'm not even sure that I want to do so.

However, the holidays are coming up, and I'm sure I will be expected to interact with her again. I would confront her with these feelings, but last time I brought it up she told me to go fuck myself and that I was a fat ugly worm who should mind her own business.

Why on earth would I associate with someone like this? What should I do at all?

Guys, I'm confused.

My ex and I broke up about a month ago, after dating for a little under five months. Basically, we weren't very compatible. We had a lot of communication issues and frequently misunderstood each other. Because we didn't have much in common, a lot of the time I would stress out over trying to think of things to talk to her about. Every now and then she would accuse me of never talking to her, and this fed into a cycle of feeling almost pressured to perform. Add to that, I knew that I was her first boyfriend and that she was pretty into me, so for a long time, I kept trying to force myself to feel something for her. Granted, I did/do care about her, it just never got to a point of strong butterfly feelings, which always frustrated me. As much as it sucks to say this, I just wasn't really happy in the relationship.

Then BOOM, fast forward to last Saturday, and out of nowhere I meet this really cool girl at a volunteer service day. She's a 25 year old alum from my school, and as we talked, we realized we had a bunch of interests in common. Also, and most strikingly, our conversation was super easy and comfortable. We exchanged facebooks and phone numbers, and are set to go out for a little hiking trip this Saturday.

I'm confused because I feel guilty. As excited as I am about getting to know this girl, I just keep thinking about my ex, and trying to figure out if I'm a bad person for all of this. As far as I can tell, she's still sore about the break-up, but personally I've largely gotten over it. I wasn't actively looking for a new relationship, and was kind of content to just remain single and focus on myself for a while. But damn, if I didn't feel something.

What do you guys think? Am I a horrible monster? Or am I as justified in my feelings as my peers have tried to assure me of?

Hello, typical girl problems here. I've been trying to find a girlfriend for over a year now, and taking girls on dates regularly. I'm an attractive and on the surface confident person, so I've never had any problems having one night stands or introducing myself to women in order to get a first date. The problem is that I can never seem to hold their attention, I am universally considered an "awful texter", I have interests that others might regard as a bit eccentric (quiz bowl, sailing, "weird" music, really into math, science, etc.) , and I can be a bit geeky at times. Whatever right? As long as I'm sure of myself I should find someone compatible. Nope, despite having dated more women over the past year than most of my friends have in their lives, I haven't managed to get even a third date with a single one.

It seems to me in my experience over the past year, having spent at least 1500$ on around 20 women by my estimation, with an inordinate amount of blowjobs and occasional sex, that the 21st century woman doesn't want a relationship, at least in general. Women want to be entertained, not loved or even appreciated. Which brings me to my question: How can I better entertain girls? I'm pretty sure that I'm losing a lot of points by not responding to texts within the hour, but I'd like to know some tips that will actually make a girl want to hang out with me. All of my interactions with the opposite sex are initiated by me, and I'm exhausted from putting all this effort into meeting modern girls who are more than happy to give me head on the first date but are terrified at the thought of any serious intimacy. Need tips for actually hooking 'em once they're already on the line.

tl;dr, How can I hold the attention of the opposite sex after initial attraction has worn off?

When you say "I can't handle this stressed feeling":

*Say to yourself "What can I do to make myself more comfortable?"
*Some things to make yourself more comfortable include:
Stop chasing worry thoughts, because when you chase them they get worse and more worry thoughts appear.
Implement some coping skills: deep breathing, self talk, use your physical space (i.e. walk around), talk to someone, come up with a plan.
Mindfulness: acknowledge and accept that the worries are there, but them be mindful with another activity (read, listen to music).
Cut yourself some slack, remember you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.
Remember not to let anxiety control you, empower yourself - don't let anxiety trick you into thinking that your worry thoughts are important, don't let it win.

I'm getting all this from a packet my psychologist gave me, I will try to scan the rest of the pages tomorrow. Sorry if I forget!

/mind/ how do you deal with envy? I've graduated college, I have a stable job, but I'm still in debt from a credit card, school loans and a car loan, on top of the regular bills I pay. Half the time I'm okay, I can put money away, put it toward paying off my debt and get a beer with friends. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning to manage my money better and better and budget, even if it means that I can't go out as much as I'd like. The other half some big thing hits, like a medical bill or a car maintenance bill and I'm hurting for a little while. It's nothing that kills me for very long, but it's still stressful.

I have a few friends who tell me about their jobs where they're making 20k+ more than me a year, they're really smart, they're successful and seem to have a lot going for them. One of them is interviewing at Google and Facebook, another is head of his department by virtue of being the only person in his department. I'm still plugging along, working on getting further in my career. I know it takes time to gain experience, I know that life isn't fair, and I really don't deserve anything I don't earn myself. But when I hear any of them complain about not making enough money (all are my age) or someone else getting a promotion and making more than them, I get really frustrated and I want to yell "You are doing so much better than me and you're still complaining!" I'm battling this awful feeling, maybe I should say feelings. When I hear them say that, all I feel is my own failure because I haven't reached the point they have and I feel like they're just rubbing it in. I also feel that they're insensitive for bitching about that sort of thing when they have a good idea of how I'm doing. I don't want to resent them, I really want to be happy for them. Most of me is really happy that they are where they are, they've earned it, but at the same time I feel so envious.

How do I get over it? Do I keep thinking positive thoughts until that's my default? Before anyone says that I need to stop being an asshole, please know that I really am making an effort but I want advice on how to be better. I'm also dealing with depression and anxiety that are compounding what I feel and I've started seeing a therapist but it may be awhile before all of this can be unpacked.

I don't want to have a small meltdown on my friends for sharing their successes with me, simply because I'm not happy with where I am now. I want to know how I handle my feelings better.

/Docta/, how do I remove feelings towards someone I don't want to have?

There's a woman in my friend's group. She's beautiful, but other than that, we don't really have much in common at all, and our personalities would never be compatible in a relationship. Sometimes I dislike her greatly.

However, I'm crushing pretty hard on her. She's got a boyfriend who I both love and hate, so going for her isn't an option- not that I would want to anyways.

Why am I feeling this way and how do I stop it?

So I'm really bad at dating. Lately, I've been trying to improve and I think it's going well.

Anyway, to the point. I met up with this girl I'm really attracted to last night. Before this night I had talked to her briefly every once in a while but not a whole lot. So I ask her if she wants to get drinks and chat. Yadda yadda we set up a time and place. When she gets there I stand up, give her a hug and we order her a drink. She's really easy to talk to. Like I'm talking some of the best conversation I've had. We're joking around having fun. After about an hour and a half she says she has to go. She's got work in the morning. Fine. I pay for the bill and she walks me to the bar I'm meeting some buddies at.

Here's where it gets weird. I'm really bad at escalating a night past friendship. I wanted to show her I was interested in her so I ask for her number. She says sure and I type it in my phone. But I feel like there was just an awkward vibe when she gave it to me. We hug again, awkwardly, she walks off and I go into the bar. Give her a text saying I had fun and we should hang again. No response.
Now I'm a little worried about not getting a response but I can deal with this as people don't always respond to every text. I'm probably just over thinking things but whatever.

The point of me posting here is just wondering what to do next. I just really need someone to talk to about the night so I can figure out what my plan is.