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Losing All Interest? Anonymous 13/10/16(Wed)09:15 No. 2805

Hey /docta/,

I've been having a slight issue in that I think I'm beginning to lose all interest in having relationships and getting intimate with girls.

I've only had one relationship when I was about 16 which didn't even last a week because I ended it. Prepare for a wall of text.

This relationship had a lot of potential. We liked each other for a while and eventually we got together. However, this girl knew a lot of guys, was quite friendly with them and had a romantic/sexual history with some of them. I called it off because I was too afraid that I'd eventually have to go into competition with some of these guys (by that I mean at some point she would have compared me to other guys and realised she could have done better), but I knew some of those guys and just knew I couldn't hold a candle to them. They were more interesting and more attractive than me, I started to question why she even liked me in the first place when she could go and have fun with all these other guys.

When she asked me why I wanted to call it off, I couldn't explain it very well to her at the time since I couldn't fully rationalise my own feelings behind this like I can now, so she left being very confused and upset about the situation. Needless to say, I very much regret having fucked up so badly. I threw away a good chance of being able to have an enjoyable relationship because I can't address my own insecurities.

Since then, I've had no relationships. Now I come to realise that I'd be extremely lucky to find any girl that would put up with me, let alone actually find me interesting. I'm very content to sit at home all the time immersing myself in my hobbies (programming, experimenting with networks, tinkering with small devices like RPi and doing some gardening) and I don't know of any girls who share or appreciate my enthusiasm for such things. I do go out and socialise with friends, we go to bars for drinks, I enjoy a good dance in a nightclub, things like that, so it's not like I'm a complete hermit or some grumpy guts sitting around scowling.

Now that my history is out of the way, onto my main point. I'm still a kissless virgin at 21 and I feel that my situation is only going to deteriorate further, making it harder for me to get involved with a girl. You see, I don't want to grow old and lonely, but at the same time I just don't know what to do around girls anymore, I can't even be sure of my own feelings anymore, it's like raw logic just takes a precedent in my head now and kills any fanciful thoughts dead in their tracks. When talking to girls I think I might be interested in now, I find that I lack any passion whatsoever and remain consistently platonic throughout every conversation, almost as if there's some kind of boundary that I don't want to overstep.

I'm really sorry for such a huge, incoherent wall of text but I need to get all of this off my chest and you are the only people who will listen to any of this.

Anonymous 13/10/16(Wed)14:19 No. 2806

If you had actually lost interest, you wouldn't have been upset enough to write all this crap about it. There is a big difference between not wanting something and thinking you aren't good enough for it, which is what you are clearly doing.

The best thing you can do to dispel self-doubt is make it harder to believe. Go talk to some girls. On a website if you have to. As long as you talk about something that isn't yourself, it's alot easier than you think to find somebody that appreciates your company. That's not a rule you can strictly follow, because people will ask questions about you, but from where you are, it's very difficult to avoid the trap of talking three hours of shit about yourself, and that is so tiresome that few will tolerate it. You shouldn't fake anything, but I'm not going to tell you to be yourself, either. If you don't like yourself, that obviously entails way more complaining than anyone wants to hear.

This sounds harsh because you have my problem. So, you have good reason to believe what I'm saying.

OP 13/10/16(Wed)19:05 No. 2808

>>2806
I shouldn't really have said "lost all interest", upon reflection I've found it's more to do with me being afraid but I'm not good at describing my feelings.

However, I believe your perception of my problem is a little skewed due to the fact you share a similar problem and kind of projected yourself onto me a little bit.

When people ask me questions related to the topic at hand, I don't tell them anywhere near as much I posted in the OP, I just say "I haven't found the right girl" and leave it at that because it's the easiest thing to say. When people ask me about my hobbies, I don't drone on about that either, I appreciate there aren't all that many people into the same stuff as me and it can be pretty damn dry for those who aren't inclined to it.

Anonymous 13/10/17(Thu)17:29 No. 2811

Your hobbies are exactly what you should talk about. Many people will find them boring. You would be just as bored hanging out with them in the long term. But they're the only thing that can be interesting about you, because they're what you're passionate about. You do, don't you? If you don't find that stuff interesting, why are you doing it?

What you do in your spare time is why you get up in the morning. If you're not talking about that stuff, you're talking about some shit you don't care about, and that's exactly the kind of faking you shouldn't do.

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/docta/, /docta/, gimme the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you.

/docta/, /docta/, gimme the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you.