Despair not, my friend! It seems you've had a streak of bad luck in the relationship department, but that's not a bad thing in and of itself. Without knowing more details to your relationships' circumstances, I don't have much to go on, but here's what I do know, and you should take heart from it.

The search for a meaningful relationship is just that: a search. Few and far between are those who find one on the first couple tries. In fact, it generally takes many tries to find "the one", so things not working out "time and time again" (as you put it) is par for the course.
Most often, when a relationship fails, we learn that a certain person is not right for us, that we aren't right for them. Sometimes right away, or sometimes after several tries, we learn about ourselves as well - the things we really want out of a significant other and the things we have to offer them in return. Over time we learn a great many such things, but only if we keep trying, and it seems that you're having a certain amount of success to that end.

What matters is what you do with what you've learned. Now, I happen to know that not all "people are so scared of who they are, or scared of someone who is honest". I find it more likely that you've simply gravitated toward those who are, for whatever reason (the best I can divine from the information you provide is that you enter into relationships with a heavy intent to satisfy a sexual urge, which is a poor premise to found a relationship on, imo). My recommendation is for you to reflect on those relationships and see if you might discover warning signs and indicators that will help you identify such people early on, so that you might avoid investing so much time on someone in the future before realizing that they aren't right for you.

>>3398

Thanks, I need to take a step back and stop thinking about women so much.

Thank you. anon. Your post instilled in me a little more faith in humanity.
I try to remind myself people like this still exist despite my brain constantly trying to convince they don't. It's reassuring to see i'm wrong. But also it's hard for me to believe you're being 100% honest.

My problem would have to be the opposite exactly: i often feel the person i'm engaging is giving me way too much then what i actually deserved. Showing an interest that is disproportionate to what i know i showed of myself so far.
Too much, too soon. It seems fake, as in I feel perfectly interchangeable with whichever random bitch who can listen and smile.
It's not even about trying to get laid! Damn, I wish it was. It would make much more sense.

Maybe you just need to give other people the time to feel at ease to reciprocate.
Or maybe you do attract the wrong type of girls.

Btw i read your post again and realized i got dragged away by my thoughts and this turned out to probably not be relevant at all.
Still, this is pretty much my only insight on the matter, so there you go.

You can't 'upgrade' your girlfriend. This new girl isn't "better" she's just new, and that makes her novel. There are lots of things you'd get to re-experience with her that you aren't getting in your current relationship.

It may well be that you could hook up with New Girl. But getting out of a relationship, one that you say is 2+ years old, takes time. You don't want to be the kind of person that can throw one relationship out the window and hop into the next one without a second thought.

You are probably more at fault for your current relationship's state than you say, though you may know that. I'm not judging. But unless you're just looking for tail, you probably aren't going to be in a good place with either person for a good long while. If you break things off, you'll need to clear your head; if you try to patch things up, you have to let New Girl go.

You could be onto something. While >>3423 has a point that you don't want to just throw a relationship away, you may be at a point where your current relationship is junk, but you are still clinging to it because it's familiar. Ask yourself if you are just going through the motions with the missus because she's what you are comfortable with. In other words, is this a relationship of convenience?

I'm not saying you should rush headlong into a breakup. The grass may not be greener on the other side. This customer may not even be interested in you; she may just have a flirty personality. But she was the catalyst that got you thinking "Am I content with my current relationship?" If you can truthfully answer that question in a vacuum, without dreaming that better options are out there, you will have made a great step toward solving your dilemma.

Hahaha, what a story, Mark!

Not sure this is the place to post trip reports.

>in my parents bedroom
What. Don't you have your own bedroom to take drugs in?

Have you asked her if she's happy? It might be worth sitting down and having a chat with her about that. You may find that she is not happy with particular things, or has a different perspective that you've yet to consider.

If you want to start addressing issues, I'd firstly have a think about how you're going to address that. I understand you feel that there's a lot that needs changing, but something like "It bothers me that you're dirty, lazy, and irresponsible" will clearly push her away, encourage her to feel worse, and generally make matters worse. You sound like quite a sensible man and you seem to genuinely care about this situation, so think and plan long term. I'd focus on small changes, that will eventually amount to a big change.

When you're talking to her about this issue, it's vital not to blame her or criticize her in anyway. You need to use non-judgmental language and when you talk about your own feelings, you need to own your own feelings.

Here are some suggestions that I can think of right now;

Offer to go through the boxes of clothes with her - "We still haven't gone through those boxes of clothes and I'd like to sort them out, can we do it now/later today/on Sunday?"

Ask her if she's been feeling okay - "I've been feeling a bit worried about you recently, I just have an inkling that you're feeling a bit down; is everything okay?"

I am likely being a little gentle. It might help you to think SMART about what you want to get out of this, when you're 'asking' for things, make your needs Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-based. Saying "Sort your shit out in a month or I'm gone" is impossible and has no framework to judge anyway. Saying "I find it difficult doing the cleaning and I do get upset when I feel like I'm the only person that will do it. Could you do [INSERT REASONABLE AMOUNT OF WORK HERE] every [INSERT REALISTIC TIME FRAME HERE]?" is more gentle and more reasonable.

As your going away for 3 months, I wouldn't worry about the housework so much as to how you're both going to manage that situation. I'd talk to her about it.

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>>3395

Thank you for your advice. I found the last bit especially helpful. Too often I think we resort to ultimatums without considering a middle ground that suits both parties.

I have talked to her a little bit and discovered a few things. One is that she is having a hard time adjusting to the marriage and the move put together. This is the first time she's ever been completely dependent on one person. There have been a few times when she's wanted one thing and I've said "no, we're doing this" and she told me it makes her feel "oh god what have I done?" So I know she misses being independent. Another is that she is unhappy with her current job and social situation. She feels underutilized, but the hours are such that she can't spend as much time with her friends out here as she'd like. I can see why that would upset her, but if I were her I wouldn't be coming home and plopping down on the couch to watch TV and play games all night--I'd be making the most of my time off.

Our marriage has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have boiled down what bothers me to two characteristics: messiness and excuse making.

She is simply not an organized person. She wasn't raised that way and I don't think she'll ever be that way. It was OK until we downsized into this apartment. Now her mess affects me. What really pisses me off is that all I want is a nice, old, wooden office desk with drawers to set up my computer and organize my stuff, but she actually threw a fit when I was suggesting places to put it, saying it would make the room look crowded and we'd have to move all the other furniture around so I just dropped it. Then EVERY TIME we go shopping, she wants to buy something new to hang up or another knick-knack. By the time we move again this place is going to look like a Mexican grandma's house. Last night she was looking for our wedding pictures on a USB drive. She lost it. She fucking lost it in a 1000 sq ft apartment, because her shit is everywhere and she just throws it from one place to another. I grew up in whatever one step up from spartan living conditions are so as minor as this sounds it's actually extremely frustrating. And come to find out, it's equally as frustrating to her to have a "boring" house.

Then there are the excuses. She can't get a job she likes because she doesn't have the right education/is white/is a woman. There's one of those we can change, so I have encouraged her to study for and take the GRE or GMAT (they are good for 5 years) and think about what she'd like to study. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants to study and won't even study for the test. She completely gave up on finding a new job as soon as she was hired on part time at a restaurant, and her excuse was that she just isn't qualified to do anything. Like I mentioned in OP, her only aspiration is to open up a secondhand boutique shop, but she has no concept of how to run a small business, much less how we would pay for such an adventure. I suggested she study something to that effect and she brushed me off because "everybody has an MBA, they can't be worth that much." Those are the big ones, and then there are the hundred little ones to explain why the apartment is a mess. I have worked hard to get where I am, and though I've had my fair share of breaks, it frustrates me to no end when someone makes excuses to avoid bettering themselves.

I can't see myself having a happy life with her. If my dad is any indication, I will only continue to become more of a stickler for organization. If her mom is any indication, she will only become more of a hoarder. She wants to do marriage counseling before we have major problems, because we never did pre-marital counseling (I wish I could go back) so I will see what comes of that and go from there.

OP here. After further reflection I think I am simply suffering from buyer's remorse. She's honestly not bad. She wants our marriage to work and for both of us to be happy, and now that she's come out of her depression slump she is quite fun again. I just regret permanently attaching myself at all. I would have regretted marrying anyone at this stage in life and found reasons to be unhappy.

That said, I made a commitment to her and regretting that commitment doesn't make fooling around or leaving her the right thing to do.

>>3401
What about swinging? You don't necessarily have to find a swinger club and make it a full blown lifestyle, but what about having some "monogamish" experiences? Do you think your wife would be open to that? Have a threesome with another woman or find another couple to play with maybe.

You don't go full blown open relationship. You don't get a mistress. But you get to have some new and novel sexual experiences and I've known quite a few women who are into the idea of anything from soft-swap/being watched to full swap swinging, threesomes, etc.

It's tricky because at best it could be a fun activity that actually solidifies your bond; but at worst it could undermine your whole relationship. So tread carefully. The commitment of marriage isn't just a "OK I guess I'm with this person til they or I die" thing, it's also a commitment to be honest and open and you need to be honest with your wife about these desires.

Talking to a counselor (either by yourself or as a couple) could be very very helpful and help you articulate some of your struggles and confusion and help you work out how to communicate these issues to your wife without pushing her away.

And after reading over your post again, I realize this probably isn't really about sex and that is probably not your main motivation for having an affair. Again: counseling could really really help you. Lots of new couples do it or need it. A marriage is a big deal, it's a huge new adjustment, sharing your life in that way and needing a little outside help and support is totally normal and a very healthy, proactive way of handling your problems.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad if modern culture didn't make the idea of shoving plastic bits into your orifices and taking synthetic hormones a normal thing. Is there some reason that you can't use a condom?

Whatever you do I wouldn't press the idea of meeting up for the specific idea of sex. Try to save things, but if things don't change the relationship isn't going to work if you aren't sexually satisfied.

>>3404
I've offered, but she also uses hormonal birth control for herself for heavy period symptoms. I know this is entirely on me. My sexual gratification shouldn't figure into wether or not the relationship is going well. I just need to stop being a horny perpetual-adolescent and accept it.

>>3405

Sex is important. You'll drive yourself crazy being with someone that doesn't meet your needs.

>>3405
That is absolutely false. This is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, really. You shouldn't just get over it, because sexual intimacy is very important. This is obviously a big enough deal to you that you've reached out by starting this thread.

I'm actually going through a similar thing right now: in the past I've been the one with the lower sex drive (once or twice a week is plenty for me) but my girlfriend has been struggling with insomnia, depression, and anxiety and her libido has plummeted. We're working on it but it is often frustrating and I sometimes end up feeling rejected or insecure as a result of it. It's difficult because - and I'm sure you can relate - I want (very badly) to be having more sex but I don't want her to fake it or force it; I want her to want it. And that's why it is so difficult and puts such a strain on the relationship.

It's important to have sexual chemistry in a relationship, to feel like you are desired by your partner, to feel attractive, to feel empowered, and to feel like you can turn them on. So don't try to skirt the issue by saying "it's just me and I need to stop being a horny adolescent and get used to it!" You're just avoiding the issue and trying to repress something that is obviously an issue for you.

Maybe she could talk to her doctor about switching medication, switching birth control, etc. Torpedoed libido is a significant negative side effect and her doctor may help her find something that has less of a negative impact on her life. Couples counseling could also be an option. Does she exercise much? If she doesn't, getting daily (or semi-daily at least) exercise can do wonders for the sex drive.

If you're both looking for something long term, then yes you should bring it up. Maybe not on the first date, but soon, so she has a chance to decide if that is a deal breaker or not.

Haha, dude. Ignore most of the shit you hear on the internet about alphas and betas. It's perpetuated by insecure, ignorant dudes who are bad with women. It oversimplifies human dating relationships and promotes insecurity in people that follow it.

Yeah, you probably could've kissed her, but it's not necessarily a do-or-die. Besides, she's still talking to you. In fact, she SOUGHT YOU OUT to talk to you, and she agreed to go on another date with you! It's only your only anxieties that are causing you to construe it as negative.

Sometime during your next date when the mood is right, yeah, tell her you wanted to kiss her but you were shy. As another shy person, she will understand and probably think it's cute. Then she will probably kiss you.

Your biggest problem is your anxieties.

>>3382
Thanks bro, I don't think i'm shy, I just was afraid to kiss her at the wrong time or something because she is shy, and there screw up, I'm kind of anxious even. Yesterday we talked in the school break because she had asked, but today she was in class and not talk in school break. but at the exit I found her and asked her if she was not to runners and she said she was in the classroom, but she told me "what do you think of us go out sometime next week?" that's good, I'll kiss her anyway like a man! and never do it again in my fucking life... do you think that there is possibility that she be thinking I'm looser?

>>3383

No, dude. You're just nervous because you don't have a lot of experience. As you navigate the waters, you're going to learn when to initiate things much better. It's just a matter of practice. :)

It also sounds like you have a lot of issues with self-esteem, which is the biggest thing holding you back. Have you considered therapy at all?

>>3384
I think it's not the problem, I just hate to loose or something like that,and I'm ancious, In this ocasion I think I fail,but nothing is lost... and she said i'm so handsome and like things like my hair and others.. I know one guy who have related with her in the past , I look so much better than he, Body and face.
I worry too much about what she will think about me, but anyway, fuck that shit! I'll do it right this time and that's what matters, thanks for u support bro

I'm a shy female and I have been in a very successful relationship with a shy male for the past year. Want to know what got us together after a long period of mutual shyness and awkwardness? Alcohol.

Uhm, end it sounds good. That seems like some fucking stupid shit to get into a fight over, and based just on your post, it seems to be entirely her fault. What, you got up before she woke up so that means you are a lying bastard that... *gasp* might jack off or watch TV shows? What an obvious breach of trust that you got up before her. You've only been together for a year and this is how she acts? You can't possibly imagine yourself long term with this woman.

Your girlfriend "is a few months pregnant," and on or about July 20th, you both "got wasted drunk."

Sounds great guys.

My advice would be end it. I'm bitter though. I lived with a girl 4 years and gave her no reason for suspicion. True transparency, no locks on my phone or computer. In the long run it became me trying over and over to prove myself to her that I loved her completely and in the end I found she was cheating on me. Her reasoning was she assumed I was cheating so she would cheat first.

The moral of the story is no matter if your cheating or not every time your not in the same room with her she will be envisioning you cheating. No relationship can handle that.

Does she always do this or has it gotten worse since she has been pregnant? It could be hormonal.

A huge part of the manosphere, whether you're talking PUAs or Redpillers, is decent, but relatively bland dating advice wrapped up in advanced-sounding jargon to make it sound more impressive, bathed in counterproductive misogyny and misandry. It's as dehumanizing to men as it is to women. It also only represents a small part of the dating/sex/relationship advice scene. If you're looking for an alternative, look at published columns like Dan Savage. The dude is all about casual sex, but he's not a sexist dickhead. It's hard to give a critique without knowing exactly which subgroup of the manosphere you're talking about, but I'll do my best.

Many of their techniques are rooted in pseodoscience, and the manosphere is littered with scam artists taking advantage of desperate, lonely men. Most of this happens with PUAs, but they're closely intertwined with other manosphere communities, like Redpill. The guy who runs Return of Kings (Roosh V) also has a blog about PUA and sells videos and books.

Julien Blanc, the PUA recently in the news for forcing women to put their heads against his crotch, uses language similar to what you'd expect of someone selling a miracle weight loss cure. "Infallible" methods. The ability to "short-circuit a woman's rational and emotional mind". All for the low, low cost of 197 bucks for access to some, but not all of his videos. Another 200 for access to more videos, plus a ticket to just live event. Another 100 to have access to an 'exclusive' Facebook page. He justifies that by arguing that the full value of his package is 5,500. Wow, what a deal! He believes a series of Youtube-quality videos are worth 270 bucks an hour, but he's just discounting their true value for the sake of the consumer. He's not as subtle as others, but it mostly amounts to the same thing: buy this thing, and it can fix all your problems. He's a scam artist in blinking lights. Some of them aren't. But they all have a vested financial interest in getting you to adopt their philosophies, even if they're counterproductive to your dating efforts or leave you unhappy.

They also have a vested interest in lying to you and exaggerating their claims. People think that because it's a video, it's definite proof they're ladykillers. But just like reality TV shows can invent conflict by heavily editing the footage, PUAs tend to show a handful of brief clips that make their interactions seem smoother than they are. Taking pictures with a girl or kissing a girl or walking off with a girl isn't necessarily the same as sleeping with a girl. Neither is talking with one. It's also misleading because they tend to have a much higher failure rate than most men. They simply approach a very large number of women. Some RSD mentors suggest approaching at least 10 women in the first 15 minutes of entering a nightclub. Suppose their technique works on 1 out of 10 women, and an average guy works on 1 out of 3 women. If they approaches 60 women in the first hour and an average guy approaches 3, it'll seem like they're blowing the average guy out of the water, but in reality, they're really shitty at picking up women. If the guy had just stuck to his natural methods and spent less time looking at his drink, he could've easily blown the PUA out of the water.

That's just a general critique of PUA, which is again, deeply intertwined with Redpill and other manosphere material.

>it is imperative that men be as unaware of their slower, but progressively increasing SMV for as long as possible in order for them to achieve the prime directive of female hypergamy; realize the best genetic options and the best provisioning options she has the capacity to attract in that peak window. If Men become aware of their SMV before a woman can consolidate on her options with monogamous commitment her sexual strategy is defeated.

The very phrase "women's ... short peak of sexual viability" is something that needs more evidence than a chart and a link to the front page a Redpill blog. Humans are diverse. Some people age like milk. Some people like wine. This is what Tina Fey looked like in college versus now:
http://cdn2.thegloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tina-fey-in-college.jpg
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Tina-tina-fey-447938_1439_1920.jpg

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Cont'd

This is what happens when you're not even attracted to the women you're sleeping with:
http://www.rooshv.com/it-doesnt-matter-if-she-orgasms-or-not
http://www.rooshv.com/the-female-orgasm-is-trivial

Is the type of guy you really want to end up being? I can't even imagine sex that bland. He used to hit the 12-minute mark. He admits he doesn't even get that far nowadays. That's not just awful for the women, but awful for men. Shitty sex with a thousand women a year still wouldn't be better than great sex with a handful. Believe me. I'm not a ladykiller, but I'm pretty sure I have more sex than he does per week, even if he sleeps with a new girl every day, and I can guarantee it feels a lot more intense.

>In my desperation to regain the position of the ''chased'', in the sexual market place, I have been reading all about relationships. I have read that Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs. They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re aware of doing it they’ll still do it. Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.

I'd definitely like to see them provide a source for that.

>I suspect that Game represents a formula to negate this shit testing in the feminine imperative. Widely shared, objective assessments of Men’s SMV and how it develops is the antithesis of the female sexual strategy. Women’s greatest fear is that they could become the ‘selected’ instead of the ‘selectors’.

That's not how sexual strategy works. People don't do things as entire genders. They're competing with people of the same gender as much or more than people of the opposite gender. If women had the ability to obfuscate their value, then men would have just as great of an incentive, especially since, again, both tend to date people of a similar age.

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I really can't stand this new wave bro-science gender politics

I always assumed the term manosphere was pejorative.

I was watching a pick up artist describe what he does. Then it hit me. Women are attracted to people who are good at manipulating. This is a valid skill to have as the people in the highest echelons of power and economic wealth have it. And since the woman's reproductive life-span is relatively short and she can only hope to have at most 10 children in her entire life, she wants to shoot high for the best mate that will protect her.

For all the politically correct bullshit I hear people sprout, we are still evolved from animals with designated alphas. As long as these assholes are favored your PC views mean shit.

I'd be reflecting on what sorts of thoughts are causing you to entertain suicidal ideas... Are you truly just thinking about it hypothetically, or are there things going on in your life causing you to think about ending it all?

>>3358
I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future, so it might be related to that. The idea of failing at a long-term goal is really disheartening and in such a situation I might see death as a preferable alternative to life as a failure.

Road to a high rever of understanding is through suicide aswell.

This is Lesswrong level stuff.

This was so

unexpected :3 sometimes things just fit

snugly into place

Was just about to

fap, brush teeth and sleep.

Reinterpret tiredness!

Not OP but I do entertain the same thoughts on suicide.

It's more of a peaceful acceptance than a raging momentary upset. I've lived a hard life and while it's not particularly bad at the moment I just don't see myself enjoying the future. I don't want children or have them. I don't even want a girlfriend becoming more asexual as I age. My parents are gone and I was an only child.

I've been to war, jail, stripclubs, churches, college twice. I've done my service and seen the sights, I have no one to take care of and a few friends that will miss me but I just want to rest... Is that a bad thing?

There is no universal answer to this. It depends on the girl, on the guy, on the circumstances...

Overall, I'd say it is accidental but with exceptions.

Casual get togethers to stay friends and then ask her out in August or whatever

Stop all porn watching immediately

Just ignore the self-absorbed assholes who feel the need to be that way and try to live your life well and justly. Those people don't even deserve your attention. Change happens at the individual level, and these people have shirked themselves of the responsibility of individual virtue by blaming it all on "they system".

Don't call them anything or call them what they want to be called.

I know a lot of trans or queer people and have known a couple people who identify with gender-neutral pronouns. This "SJW" stereotype is basically internet-only.

The power to self-identify and self-actualize is an important one. Stop agonizing over petty people on the internet. The people who are interested in issues of privilege, gender, feminism, and social justice in real life tend to be pretty fucking awesome people.

In other words, stop searching the internet for passive aggressive people who will make you angry with their victim complex and start engaging on the day to day with people who are progressively minded, maybe live alternative lifestyles, and are interested in social power structures and narratives and think critically about such things because those are all awesome qualities.

I don't like to throw them all into one category, because you can't. Social justice is an issue that might always be considered with people

Sometimes I find that people online on omegle or other chat sites, often enough having an SnM vibe or inherent power structure to them--where people are either into domination or they seem very supine, are probably mentally ill or like another said, children.

Typically they're pretty immature and I tend not to concern myself with this since they're probably growing in some way. The only feminist I've known was a librarian at my high school and she was genuinely concerned with helping the world. She was christian and did yoga and talked to troubled youth about chakra, but in the end of the day if she asked me if I was a feminist or if I'm aligning to what she's saying: I would agree with her and say I'm a feminist.

I think the turmoil people see about this is either contrived and almost purely some type of applied rhetoric in the minds of those spouting it or it's people who are confused, troubled, ornery or stubborn and choose not to align with anyone who might threaten their own beliefs. It's really sad, but it attracts people who are weak, and in more ways than just one: The people looking for a purpose and fulfillment, and people who just kind of want to fuck shit up for their own benefit.

Relax, anxiety can certainly cause strong physical reactions. You need to talk to a urologist, there is a chance it could be a kidney stone. Get it laser zapped.

Maaaan I'm 35 and I've had anxiety problems as far back as I can remember. It will definitely cause physical side effects. The problem is, it may be just due to the anxiety or it may be an actual physical issue. I have a lot of problems breathing and with chest pain, but I've been cleared multiple times of any serious issues. What you're describing sounds like a bladder infection or something, but could definitely be related to anxiety. I've only recently in the past 2 years or so been able to really get a hold on my condition and I've been taking meds since I was 18. Keep an eye on it. See if it comes back when you're slow on work, or any other stress inducing event happens. If you really start feeling sick, obviously you need to see a doctor.

>>3276
Should I turn straight?

There's a ton of evidence indicating that this guy was asexual. If you think not having sexual desire will make you incapable of hurting people, I've got some land outside of Oświęcim, Poland to sell you.

>>3341
Um, didn't Hitler have a wife and kids?

Hitler did not have kids, he did marry shortly before he committed suicide together with his wife (Eva Braun). According to Braun's biographer he had a normal sex-life, though he did present himself as a celibate man solely devoted to his political vision.

>>3350
For clarification, committed suicide shortly after marrying his wife.

How do you fuck and get jerked off at the same time?

>>3342

My dick gets bendy at the base, so having a hand there helps to keep it in all the way. I can hit a girl's cervix if I pinch the skin at the top of the base of my cock, but I need hands free to do that. Having a midget on hand would be really handy when I'm handing it to her.

If I had the use of both my hands I could do all sorts of fun stuff like slapping and choking, but I don't really, because I always feel the need to skewer her, first and foremost.