Cis-het guy here. I've been with my partner for about ten months. Things have been pretty good, she's fun and it feels easy to be with her. But for the past month-plus, the physicality of our relationship has basically vanished. She identifies as demisexual but has told me she was more sexually comfortable in previous friends-with-benefits type relationships. What really set off this change was after she got a new birth control implant. She's told me that it has been really messing with her too, and that her doctor has told her to take additional medication to counter that which further suppresses her libido.

She has always had a much lower sex drive than other partners I've been with. She blames her birth control, physical difficulties (vaginismus), anti-depressants, and stress. She's stopped binge drinking since we've been together, for which I am obviously supportive, but she also noted that as being something that eased her inhibitions to enjoy sex. But it leaves me feeling like a real scumbag when I try to initiate sex and she doesn't want to, or physically can't reciprocate -- not to mention, yes, 'frustrated' that I'm left aroused with a disinterested partner.

We've spoken about this together. A couple weeks ago, we spent a day out, had dinner together and retired to the bedroom. She told me she didn't feel like having sex, and that's fine, I respect her implicitly. But I did bring up the topic with her, that we hadn't had sex in more than a month and that I was feeling rejected. This week, she told me she would spend the Friday night with me. Truthfully, I should have politely declined. We did have sex, but I don't think either of us enjoyed ourselves. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming her, but she simply wasn't an active partner, just laying under me. Mechanical as it was, she told me to stop before finishing -- that she was cramping and didn't feel well. She offered to finish me with oral sex. Without wanting to sound cheesy, I just don't enjoy myself if my partner isn't enjoying herself. One way stuff doesn't engage me.

I'm not entitled to anything from her. Period. I get that. It isn't fair to compare her to my previous partners (of my serious partners, they were, honestly, equally if not more sexual than myself.) And she is a very good friend, and in ways none of my other friends are. There is still physicality to our relationship, hugging, kissing, petting, and the like. But I feel conflicted and unfulfilled to be with her and not be able to consummate that affection. I'd like to know how I can be a better partner to her, anything constructive helps.