Here is part 2. This is the second time we met - we went for a walk around where we live. It was after this that she texted me saying that things end here.

I call this one: Sunset
I’d cancelled iceskating that weekend because I’d forgotten about the 21st I was supposed to go to. I still wanted to see her so I asked her to go for a walk with me. She answered late but said yes. I said I was at a friends house but I’d ask her again on Sunday.
I ask her to go for a walk at me at sunset
I complain that it is overcast and we can’t see the sun
She doesn’t care
She doesn’t want to around the oval, it’s a long walk
She says it got dark quickly
I say that we did come at sunset after all
I tell her about the things I’ve seen at the park like a recreational drone, the archery, and the cave clan urban legend
I tell her about my startup...lying that it is a friends idea I am just working on
She asks what a startup is
Still can’t see the fucking sunset
I tell her it’s a startup company
She tells me about her dead dog
I tell her I like Labradors and golden retrievers
She says they have similar natures
When we first see each other I link my arms in hers and ask if we can do this
She says yeah
I fear that she doesn’t want to and say this doesn’t feel right
She says its fine
I told her about how I was at a friends house before, and how it was the same friends as yesterday. And that we went shopping
She told me about her snow trip, and how she went to get something for her brother in law.

Still can’t see the fucking sunset

She went skiing. I told her that skiis use all their body and get really high scores on the fitness cycling thing I did. Before that she argued that skiing is easier than snowboarding and I argued against that.
Later she says her mum is going for a walk to the shops ([redacted]) around this time and if her parents see us disaster
We discuss the direction she has gone

While we crossed the bridge on our walk, I asked her about her friends. She mentioned that two of them were flakey. All of them were Indian apart from one that was venezualan.

She ponders how we never saw each other all these years
I say we went opposite directions from our houses
She says she remembers eating fudge at the milkbar
I suggest we go look at some
She says she has no money

Still can’t see the fucking sunset

I say I only have 50’s
The milkbar owner doesn’t know what fudge is
We leave
As we pass my house I say I made you a blank card and couldn’t settle on what to put on it but there is something in there (I drew a heart)
I give it to her, and bring her the chocolate alcohol gift
She says don’t buy me things
I say I don’t plan to do it ever again
I suggest I put it back, because her parents will wonder how she got it
She says nobody has given her a card like the one I gave her
She looks awkward, I’m kinda spagettying everywhere and not really looking at her or composed
I tell her if she felt the way I did around me then you’d know the kind of joy that gift has given me, or omething to that effect, but far less eloquent

Still can’t see the fucking sunset

When I went to get the card I told her she can keep her shoes on and she says yeah
And I say I’m gonna clean the floor anyway
She says I’ll just stay here at the door

Still can’t see the fucking sunset

When we’re out on the porch we discuss things for a long time
I say…still slightly nervous but also euphoric, that if my lips weren’t chapped I’d kiss her
~”I think I want to take things slow, I just got out of a relationships and I’m still…”
“~~”” yep yep I completely understanding, I mean I don’t know you and you don’t know me were’strangers etc etc…I reinforce this over and over…and that relationshisp built on mutual trst”
She catches on and sasy that’s her conception of relationships, proably due to my suggestions
We stand there talking, she perceptively asks if I’m nervous around her
And she sounds don’t ever be nervous raound me, you don’t have to be
She says stop putting me on a pedestal, If you knew half of what Im like you wouldn’t think so much of me
She asks what I mean of only liking her. And I tell her I’m confused about it, and how my friends think its unbelievable. She questions me that I dated someone in uni. I repeat, again, that I didn’t even want to hold her hand. I throw in the word idealisation to see if she takes the bait and is familiar with the psycholingo.

Still can’t see the fucking sunset

We missed sunset. It was overcast all day.
I felt strangely indifferent. The bipolar medication may have started working from this morning onwards. This should have been a big emotional moment. 99% of my idealisation was fake at this point to stay in character.
I use the word love. She says she’s been in two long relationships and she doesn’t think she been in love in them.
She asks what I’m looking for or what I want out of this or something.
I say she knows what I want
She says: ‘’a relationship’’
She asked for a goodbye hug.
I asked on the porche if we should still go iceskating
I say I don’t know if should or want to see you if I can’t….romantic
She says she understands and it’s up to me and txt her
I say alright
As she’s at the mailbox I turn around and shout Shanelle, let’s go iceskating
She says ok
Still no fucking sunset