You might as well be masturbating into the reader's face

>>309
Is that a good thing?

>>311
I think what >>309 is saying is that you're being-

A) Too direct; you're waving your literary dick right in their face.
and
B) Too pretentious; you're assuming the reader WANTS your dick in their face.

While this is a neat little grouping of words, it's not particularly complex. While something doesn't necessarily need to be complex for it to be good, that's what it seems like you were going for here. It seems that you're boasting a little too much, in that roundabout self-deprecating Micheal Cera kind of way. You also seem to write a bit condescendingly, telling (and asking) everything too directly while over-clarifying things such as your "dark mind" when you could just as easily allude to your mind as an attic or cellar without comparing it to one.

>>312

Thanks! I apprecieate the criticism. I don't really know how to connect to a reader so i don't usually take them Into consideration regarding the content in my writing.

I honestly do think my writing is shitty but i gotta practice and just write things down when they come to me, like the last two pieces I wrote.

Again, I apprecieate any and all criticism of my work!

:')
Sup bro?

>>315
No problem, broheim. You're never going to learn to connect to readers unless you attempt it though. I read your other thing about that chick in a coffee shop, and (while mundane and slightly neckbeardish) it was at the very least something I could relate to.