"Hello Carlo." she began quietly, with a little smile. She felt her arms begin to prickle as the hairs on them stood up. She hadn't expected to be this nervous. She paused to calm herself for a few seconds.

"So I'm sixteen today. In many countries back there, that is the age when kids... officially stop being kids. I mean, they start to drive, and graduate highschool, and just generally begin forming their own adult lives. And they get to... well, they are allowed to make their own decisions without being overruled by a parent."

Her nervousness subsided and she began to giggle.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. But my point is that, I've made a very important decision, and I've got to tell you. I've been alone here for sixteen years, and if the mission goes as planned, I'll be alone until I die. So I've decided that the mission isn't going to go as planned."

She glanced up into the camera. It made no reaction, of course, but she could imagine her Carlo's response when he recieved this message. She guessed that he wouldn't be completely thrilled to hear it.

"I'm tired of being alone." She said, rubbing her tummy again. "You see, I've spent the last few months reading about in-vitro fertilization, and practicing with the equipment I have onboard."

Again, she paused to collect her thoughts and reaffirm herself.

"I implanted myself this morning. I'm going to have a baby. I hope you can understand. I hope you aren't mad that I didn't talk to you about it first, but I was pretty sure you wouldn't let me. I spent a long time thinking about it. It wasn't easy. For a while I thought it would be a bit selfish, to have a baby for no other reason but to keep me company, but now it feels like there's more to it than that."

The words came in a pile all at once, as if she needed to justify herself as quickly as she could.

"You see, there are so many things I didn't get to have, that a normal person takes for granted. Nothing I've ever done, or will do, will come close to letting me have a normal life, except this. I can give a baby a more natural life than I had, and she will do the same for me. Do you understand? I hope so."

The hard part was done now. It felt good to get it over with.

"Well, that's it I suppose, that's what I needed to tell you."

Then as an afterthought, she added with a relived grin, "And I wish I didn't have to wait so damn long to see what you think. Bye Carlo. Call back as soon as you can."

She stopped talking. It was going to be agonizing waiting for a response from Earth, waiting to see just what her Carlo would say. She hoped he would be happy.

The wait for a response was longer than she had expected. It now took almost forty hours for her signal to reach the earth, and another forty for a response to come back to her. But more than a week had gone by since she sent her transmission, and still there had been no response. With the slight panic of uncertainty, she dispatched a second message requesting confirmation of her last transmission, but it was not nessecary. Two days late, the message from Earth came back. The video was of four of the mission directors, sitting round a small table. Carlo was nowhere to be seen.

"Alice," began the most senior of them solemnly. "We need to tell you that you can't continue with this. We all know how hard it must be to live on the ship by yourself, but another child will only compound these problems. The ship was never meant to carry a permanent crew until it arrived at a suitable star system. If you try to populate the ship in this way, it will only lead to disaster. You need to think of the mission. The success of this ship is more important than any one person."

The director's words stung Alice like a wasp. She bit her tongue in anger. "Populate?!" she thought acidly. The prerecorded message continued heedless of her wounded feelings.

"Not only have you endangered the mission, but you must also think of the risk to your own health. If there's some sort of complication, there are no doctors or nurses to look after you. You'll be on your own, and nobody will be able to help you. Think of the welfare of the child, should anything happens to you while it is still in infancy. We were able to operate the robots onboard when you were a baby, but now the distance is far too great to allow us to raise a child remotely. It is our unanimous opinion that you must immediately end the pregnancy. I'm sorry Alice, I wish there was another alternative."

The men sitting around the table were silent for a moment, then another spoke up.

"Just, please report back soon to tell us your progress, okay?" He finished, looking awkward.

The message ended, leaving Alice staring at the blank screen in stunned silence. Carlo hadn't even been there with them. What did that mean? Was he too angry, or embarrased at her foolish choice to say anything to her? She didn't know, and it tortured her to think about it.

She turned the directors' points over in her mind, and had to admit that they were right. Having a baby wasn't easy, and especially not so for a lone sixteen-year-old aboard a starship. There was still the hatchery, the artificial womb in which she had been born, but it gave her a feeling of revulsion to even think about raising a baby in there, and besides, she had no way to take an egg from her own body, so any child would not be her own, genetically. No, the only option, she decided, was to endure a real pregnancy, or not to have a child at all. The more she thought about it, the more she began to doubt herself. Similarly, the more time that passed by, the more she desperately wanted to see Carlo's face, and to hear him tell her that it was all right. She started recording another transmission.

"Mission control, I recieved your last transmission. However, I think... Well, I want to talk to Carlo, right away. I don't want to hear anything from Earth unless it's Carlo. That's all I have to say."

Once again, the waiting time seemed like an eternety, but eventually, a week passed, and a message came back from Earth. The video opened the same as the last had, with the four directors sitting around a table looking into the camera. They looked like they had gathered in a great rush.

"Look Alice," Began one of them firmly. "There is no other option. You have to understand that. We can't allow you to carry out this... this mistake! Carlo is no longer avaliable. He doesn't want to speak to you, and he has left the Agency. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Now, you're ordered to immediately end the pregnancy. That is final."

The short message ended there. Alice was cut. Could it really be possible? Surely Carlo wouldn't do that. Not unless the entire relationship she'd built with him had been a lie on his part. Maybe that's what it was. As soon as she was upset, he would have to come in and pretend that he cared about her. He'd be ordered to be sympathetic and understanding, for the sake of the mission. Maybe he was just a prop in the absurd experiment that was her life. She felt nauseus thinking about it.

She felt as though her entire life, all her effort, in maintaining the ship, and running her experiments, and everything else she'd ever done was all for nothing. Just a stupid, pointless mistake that the mission directors were too embarrased to admit. She felt like a blob of ink accidentally spilled on a priceless portrait. All of a sudden she felt she knew what those back on Earth wanted, but were too sympathetic to admit. She had served her purpose in fixing the ship, and now she was merely ballast. An unwanted weight, holding down the grand hopes and dreams that the ship represented. They wanted to cut her loose; they wanted her to die, and slip away into space, so they could forget about her, and pretend that their mistake never happened.

"Fine." Said Alice to herself, bitterly. "They're right. I'm a scientist, I can't ignore the truth when it's so plainly obvious."

She cast a fearful look down the main corridor of the ship, at the special door at the end, bordered in red and white stripes. The longer she put it off, she thought, the harder it would become.

Taking a deep breath and cementing her resolve, she tapped on the keyboard of one terminal for a few moments, and a camera whirred to life. She made sure it could see down the corridor. Unable to bear sending a last tearful video message back to Earth, they would have to be content with seeing what she had done. The motion-sensitive camera followed her automatically as she cast a last look around the ship, then wandered slowly down to the airlock door. The heavy door swung open silently. She stepped inside, and pushed the door. It thudded heavily as it slammed shut. There was a tiny slit of a window in the outer door. She peered out at the thousand pinpoints of light.

"I suppose I'll still reach the Heliopause," she thought. "Just not alive."

She was afraid of what she might feel when she opened the outer door. She had no idea of just how much it might hurt. There were plenty of drugs aboard; she could have prepared a lethal dose, but she hated the thought of her corpse lying there on the floor of the ship forever, slowly rotting, or being clumsily handled by one of the onboard robots, and tipped out into space like a piece of junk.

'It's more dignified this way.' She thought as she laid a hand on the lever that would open the outer airlock doors and send her tumbling out into space.

An almost inaudible chime sounded from back inside the ship's control room. She wondered what it might be. Mission Control wouldn't even be expecting her reply for another day or so, let alone sending another to her. Had she imagined it, as some subconcious effort to prolong her life? Eventually, curiosity won over, her hand slipped from the outer door lever, and she left the airlock.

A button on one monitor was blinking lazily. It was indeed a transmission from Earth. She brushed the touchscreen, and the message began to play back. The video quality was awful, and the picture was grainy and blurred. A figure stood in the center of the frame, with three others behind him. As the picture began to clear up, she saw a face she recognised. It was Carlo. He was wearing a dark woollen cap on his head, and a large, warm looking coat. His breath came as little white puffs of cloud. He grinned at the camera.

"Hello my darling Alice. I hope I'm coming through okay," he said. His voice sounded warm and soothing to her. She noticed that some of what she thought was static in the video was in fact snow. Wherever Carlo was, it must be a long way from Texas.

"Hello." she instinctively whispered back, though he wouldn't hear her.

"Take a look at this." He said proudly. The video shuddered as he picked up the camera and turned it. Through the light snow she saw a small building behind a fence, and beyond that, the huge white dish of a radio telescope. He turned the camera back to himself and put it down.

"We're in Alaska. My friends here," He motioned to the three men standing behind him, who waved at the camera, "They helped me to get this message to you. We 'borrowed' a powerful government transmitter, and it's not entirely legal, so we won't be able to hang around long. I don't think I'll be allowed back at the Agency for a while, so this will have to do."

"Alice, when your transmission arrived two weeks ago, and you told us that you were going to have a baby, well, everybody went wild. You wouldn't believe the storm you caused down here. I was so happy for you, Alice. Most of us were, the technitions, and all the other astronauts. But then the directors came down on us like a meteor, and refused to allow any of us to contact you. They said that there was no way that you could be allowed to go through with it."

"My girl, there was almost a riot down here. I'm sure you would have loved to see it. I tried to get a message off to you, but one of the directors stopped me. I hit him, I damn near knocked his head off, then a half dozen MP's dragged me away, along with most of the other techs. A few people got in some real trouble. You know Emily Brooks, the psychologist that you liked? My god, she's a tiny woman, seventy years old, but when the MP's tried to make her leave, she picked up a fire extinguisher and blasted them with it, and then when it was empty, she tossed it clean across the room! She almost got one of the directors!"

He was laughing now as he recalled the incident. The three men behind him were laughing as well, nudging each other in amusement. Clearly they had been there to see it for themselves.

"So my dear, that's why we won't be allowed back, and I've been trying desperately to contact you by other means." He said, trying to stifle his laughter. He took a deep breath and his tickled grin grew warmer and more sincere. "I'm very proud of you, Alice. I can't wait until you have your beautiful baby, and let me see her for the first time. I hope you don't believe whatever rubbish the agency has been telling you. None of it's true. The whole world, anybody with a scrap of humanity in them, is on your side. The whole world, Alice."

"I don't know how, or when I'll be able to get another message to you, but one day, some government will do the right thing. There's bound to be a country out there that will support you. I have an astronomer friend down in Puerto Rico though, he operates a radio telescope, and he owes me a favour. He will relay to me any messages you send there."

Static began to cloud the video, and a steadily rising hiss threatened to drown out Carlo's voice.

"I have to go now Alice, I think they are trying to get their transmitter back." He shouted. "I'll see you again very soon, I promise. Love you."

Then the video was nothing but static, and Carlo's face was gone.

Alice rubbed her tummy, thinking of the tiny little embryo growing inside, and smiled. As she sat there smiling, she decided she'd send her final message to the Mission Directors after all.

The mischevious grin still hadn't left her face as she stared intently at the camera.

"I wonder if you will call it mutiny," she began ponderously. "I wonder what the newspapers might say about me, when they find out that I don't follow your orders any longer. It doesn't make any difference though. This is not your ship anymore. As of now, your great mission is over. You'll no longer be able to remotely access the systems on this ship, I've already made sure of that. My friends on Earth might see to passing on any news I report to them, but I'll no longer be sending my messages to the Agency.

"Now, this ship belongs to me, and I'll use it how I see fit. You thought you didn't need me here any longer, and for a while, I agreed with you. Now I know that it's me who doesn't need you. I'm the first space-born human, and although it felt like it, Earth has never been my home. To me, Earth was just a distant fantasy, a place I'd never see. I'd been looking back, watching with envy all you people living your lives in a place you call home.

"I'd spent so long imagining what that felt like, to have a home, and to have a world of my own. Now I realize I've had one all along. This starship isn't just for a short time, it's my whole world. I've decided that you no longer have any say in how my world should be run, or who is allowed and who isn't. I won't live to see this ship reach a new star, but that's okay with me. I won't grow old and die alone, to be forgotten. I will have a family, and this ship will have a crew. That's what I'll leave behind. Goodbye."


If you made it this far, then thanks. If not, then you're a doodie head and you'll never know I said so.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Cool story. I like the fact that it is sci-fi without any of the normal speculative-future-tech stuff. It is an unusual perspective on the genre.

Is there more?

I really do like this; it has the feel of an accomplished sci-fi writer, like Niven or Heinlein, but without being either of their styles. Keep writing, you have some potential.

The intro needs a little work. Much of the information is superfluous and can be cut out without detracting from the story; try to express your ideas in a more cogent manner. This isn't so much a problem when we get more into the meat of the story, your pacing, description and dialogue is solid, but your characters lack depth. It seems you're using them as a construct to state a philosophical point that isn't clearly defined rather than allowing them to act and think through their own personalities. Alice is just some girl. The entirety of Carlo's persona is the warm, supporting figure, and the mission directors are the stereotypical bad guy bureaucrats. They're cold, evil and dedicated to getting things done, which isn't complex at all. That's a problem since your story is centralized around the thoughts, feelings and actions of the characters. I really like the plot, but it seems like you need to flesh out the conflict a bit more. She tells them to fuck off and that's it? Shouldn't they have been able to foresee a rebellion and placed countermeasures to prevent that? Why does she try to kill herself if it's obvious they can't control her actions?

Your writing in and of itself is great. You've got the facets down, but try to develop your characters into real, tangible people. They seem flat. Since this is sci-fi the logistical probabilities can be ignored, but it's a rudimentary mistake to make your characters stupid.

that was a good story

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the comments. This is a complete short story, I've not worked on the idea any more. I've done plenty of other sci-fi like this but not a continuation of this plot/character.

Because it's a short story, I didn't want to spend too much time on solely developing characters. I don't like it when authors dump a paragraph or two at the start of their stories describing the characters physical appearance and personality, it feels like a cop-out. I've always thought that stuff is more believable and enjoyable when you get character development over a long period, through their actions and interactions, instead of just one lump sum at the start. And there's not alot of room in a short story for it.

You're right, Lucifer, that some of the characters are a bit stereotypical, another thing I despise. As for why and how she got away with what she did, well the ship was never meant to have a crew in transit, so they wouldn't have anticipated a need for a countermeasure, and Alice does mention that she had taken steps to disable any remote operation of the ship.

As for her wanting to kill herself, well that would be more out of depression and loneliness than anything else. And it would be some pretty hardcore depression, living like that and feeling abandoned by every single person you've ever met.

Thanks, I'll keep writing.

I really enjoyed this, good work.