(Writing practice based on factual events #1 -10 -07-11)

Criticism welcome

Idle thought #1

Just woke up again. Just forgot another boiling water pot on the stove this week. It's the third already. I passed out due to beer, again, for the third time this week. I never cook when I drink. This is the reason why. I leave shit burning on the stove and I pass out. Seems like one of my roommates noticed, took it out the stove and then shut it off for the night. How much am I drinking by night anyways? Let's calculate, shall we? One 1.18L. bottle of 10.1 percent of alcohol equals the consummation of 6 standard small beers. My consummation never goes further than around 4 times 10.1% from a 1.18L. bottle which pretty much equals a 24 pack per night. I don't drink this much but my recent breakup severely enhanced my factor to drink. I say this while I am also deliberately ignoring the fact I started to drink initially because I work in a call center. The mental abuse those retards give me day by day. by day, by day is fucking me up real nice mentally. Before this job, I was a discreet kid who never wanted to bother and always left any scene he was attending without a word. Now, this same kid is drinking like a maniac and leeching off his friends who has weed for a cheap thrills. What the fuck has gone wrong here? Maybe the child was not aware of reality yet and still believed in that idealistic thought that all is good. Maybe, the older version of himself snapped seeing how the people around him were not behaving as the educated people like he assumed they would become civilized, as time went by, and yet became abusive, greedy and wretched. The only method I know to calm down is to cling to works off those hot-headed hippies that overwhelmed the sixties. It is the only thought that brings me comfort while i still keep drinking, in the darkness of my room, fresh from another love story gone wrong.

Maybe this childish side of mine believed in fairy tales. Maybe I did believe in a world where human needs never felt to barge in except fpr going to the toilet.

I keep trying to think of a swearword better than ''holy fuck'' to express how I am stunned by the shear lightness the word ''fuck'' seems to prevail to me, right now. I can say any racist slang, any southern county swearword or anything else better than a ''fuck you, you dumb whore'' that I like, I can't find anything else better than someone just hanging themselves from their ceiling and possessing in their pants, soaked with piss, a letter saying ''the following people drove me insane''. Nothing says, still according to me conducts a better ''fuck you'' than this.

Well, It's informal and mildly/fairly entertaining. The only issue I see off the bat is that some areas are incoherent and stop making sense. Also you splice your sentences with unnecessary commas now that may be just to effect a pause in the reader mind, but I dunno. Seeing as this is a chan 'factual' events I always meet with salt in hand...

>>181

Fuck are we supposed to do with this? You expect someone to critique your fucking journal?

go away.

SAGE has been used.

>>181
Dude seriously, all it looks like is:

I I I I I
ME ME ME ME ME
ME ME I ME I ME I ME
I'M SO UNIQUE
AREN'T I CLEVER?

Cheese and flipping rice man, you're not the center of the universe. the worst part is that you go into so much detail but it makes you even LESS interesting.

>>195

I immediately love the expression "cheese and flipping rice." I'm going to use that every day.

SAGE has been used.

Are you me?

If so please contact me immediately. Other than that, your writings have a very cohesive flow to them which is nice. Though it does get darker than the beginning lets on, I have to ask why?

I don't understand why some of you guys are ticked off by the OP. This is good practice for writing in my opinion. Sure, maybe he shouldn't have shared it on here, but writing like this does help build up creative flow.

I took private writing classes back in high school and my instructor got me to do stuff like this once a week or so. It really does help, and even better when critiqued upon so that correcting mistakes becomes a natural habit and mistakes tend to disappear, though not completely.

Keep doing it, OP.

>>206
>I took private writing classes back in high school

Creative writing courses in high school are a goddamn joke. Any creative writing course, for that matter. While exercises like this can help enhance one's description, it's an beginner's course gimmick that doesn't help address the multitude of other aspects that go into crafting a good story; a much, much better exercise would be just writing a fucking story. Nobody that does writing exercises has ever been a successful writer. They're there to coddle you and make you feel good about how much you think you're progressing while neglecting the actual "progress" part.

And I'm mad because OP posted it here and wasted my time. I read half a paragraph of his stupid trite—half a paragraph! I can't be pissed to come here and critique people's stories every day, and when I get the time and patience to do so I'd like to have something to help someone improve, not someone's worthless garbage rambling.

SAGE has been used.

It seems self absorbed and rambling without being very interesting. Everyday mundanities are hard to make very compelling though, and you don't really attempt to bring the reader into your world, you just sort of launch into talking about yourself. Try writing a story about a glass of water and see how long you can make it.