Sloth are you sure the newspaper's going to publish your creative writing? We get a lot of people that try to join my school's newspaper thinking that they're going to write creatively and are extremely disappointed when they find out that they have to do boring newspaper stuff.

Anyway. Show, not tell. This is 100% you telling me what these people are, what's going on, what they're like, it's all your opinion. Writers have to present imagined stories in a factual manner and allow the reader to draw their own conclusions, and a good writer must do so in a manner that leads well-read readers to an irrefutable conclusion and allows them to experience that idea through good storytelling.

This also makes no sense

>and never they had much reason otherwise

Some of the things you say make sense, but they're just kind of an alien idea that makes you need to re-read it to figure out. Not in the good, postmodern way, either, things like "bored hunger."

Keep at it, champ.

>>168
Thanks man. This isn't a creative writing position, it's more political analysis. I'm just not used to writing and was hoping to refine my basic prose a little. Thanks for the comments, I see what you mean about showing and I'll make an effort to improve.

Just one thing I noticed, your tone seems to switch a lot. A good example would be "freak out over, sure" compared to "rarely amounted to an appreciable change". That change sort of breaks up the writing and messes with the flow of reading it.

>>168
That is not me.

>>176

Really? Weird.