Not every winter started off too great my few decades in University. Some like this with a remark amiss or two by the head of a department of psychology or two about such and such a rapist. See, you can't just hang out at a university like me and go unnoticed. I'm not a real rapist though, so it always goes a little awkwardly when she runs her mouth and has to backpeddle so hard you'd think I was.

So I was out for a drive, still stoned from college back in these days, in my buddy's car. I was just borrowing it, somewhat suspiciously. After a speech like this, when I get inadvertantly called a drug addicted rapist so rudely at the end of the first week of a potentially interesting new term, there's little else to do. So I got stoned, stole my buddy's car, and went driving around too fast until the nice thing on the rack on top flew off and landed on someone else's rig. I would have been embarrassed, but I was too high, it being college.

See, I got the attention in the midst of my angst of a young gal in a jeep or something. A big truck really, she knew I wasn't a rapist, but she wanted to be sure I was okay anyway. The luggage thing was down the next block and I was trying not to run into her as well when she started to introduce herself. She expressed concern at my state of impedement, despite it being, as I so eloquently said to her, whatever day it was.

She told me most of the time that'd catch me a DUI.

My other friend was there, it being a small town, and saw my plight and the woman. He rushed over to help retrieve the luggage thing from whosever yard it was in. Always a good samaritan, my buddy, and I was quick to introduce him to who I was quickly coming to the understanding was a young lady cop.

We were trying to figure out how to get this luggage thing off and back home before my buddy whose car it was freaked, while being innocuous enough not to scare the kid of these cowardly assholes. They had sent the kid outside, and we pretty much just ignored each other. The kid probably had instructions not to let us use the water or something, cause when we started to, stonedily in the snow, under the vigilant watch of the officer, the kid started back up into the house.

Then we were done. I'd shown my prowess to the young lady hefting the luggage rack around suspiciously. We were ready to go. Finally I asked her name.

"Courtney." She said.

"Aww shit, another Courtney," complained my friend.

"What?" She asked more or less innocently.

"Nothing." I said. "I love me some Courtneys."