One clear morning, U.S. Representative Lamar S. Smith was in his kitchen drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Suddenly, a deep pain from his lower abdomen caused him to pause midsentence. “What was that? Yesterday’s pot roast?” he pondered. The sensation continued pulsating deeper and deeper to his nether regions. He quickly scampered upstairs to the bathroom, ripped open the door, and slammed himself on the toilet seat. “This is not any other shit; this crap’s massive.” He was right in some aspects, however he didn’t anticipate what was about to happen. As he used all the energy he could muster, out of his anus slid not feces but a bouncing baby boy.

Years later, the boy that he had brought to the world was finally ready. Today Representative Smith was going to introduce SOPA to the House. SOPA, in a prime age of 17, full of adolescent hormones and energy, climbed the steps that morning with his father. Little did he know today he’d be introduced to the love and enemy of his life.

As he walked through the crowds of people, only one caught his eye. Internet, surrounded by a swarm of women and men was only doing his job, servicing billions of people worldwide. “What a slut.” SOPA whispered under his breath. He continued on his way to the conference room yet he could get Internet out of his mind. The way his eyes twinkled under the fluorescent lighting. The way his hair sat on his perfectly contoured cheekbones. The contours of his breast muscles could be seen through the sheer dress shirt along with the slight bulge of his nipples peeking through. “No, I can’t. I have to sit through this meeting for dad.” As SOPA finished his thought, Rep. Smith stood up and the spotlight turned on over to SOPA. Rep. Smith boomed “SOPA will allow content creators extraordinary power over Internet. It will give them the ability to stop those who have a copyright claim.” “What? What is dad talking about?” SOPA thought.

After the meeting SOPA hurried over his dad and demanded an explanation. “What kind of relationship do I have with Internet?” SOPA exclaimed. “He’s your mortal enemy. You got that? You have to straighten him out because he’s chock full of diseases whoring himself with those websites. He’ll open his legs for anyone and for free too. People have lost money because of his lewd tendencies and you have to stop this.”

“I was right, he is a slut.”

That night, SOPA trailed Internet to the nightclub he frequents at. Waiting for the right moment, SOPA attacked. As Internet left the crowd to go to the bathroom, SOPA pushed him into an open closet. The impact knocked over the cleaning solution and brooms stored inside. The small enclosure reeked of Windex. ”What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Internet screamed. SOPA didn’t reply. Instead, he took his shoed foot and pressed it on Internet’s crotch. He took some rope from shelves and bounded Internet’s hands and feet. As he began stripping Internet of his clothes and dignity, he smiled and softly whispered into Internet’s ear “What am I doing? I’m giving you a night to remember you dirty boy.” When Internet was finally stark naked, SOPA took some electrical clips and clamped Internet’s nipples. They became hard and stiff. Internet whimpered slightly. After minutes of lubricating Internet’s anus with his fingers, SOPA took a broomstick and began to nudge Internet’s mouth. “You’re going to take this stick before you take mine. Lick it.” Hesitant, Internet refused. SOPA took the broom and whipped him. Internet let out a yelp. Repeating himself and stuffing the broomstick into Internet’s mouth, Internet began to blow the wooden stick. He could feel Internet’s anus getting slipperier. “P-Please stop.” Internet begged. “Not until you get so addicted to my body that no other man or woman could ever pleasure you like this.”

It was time. SOPA unbuckled his pants and revealed the huge hard on he had and began to plunge it roughly into Internet. Their lovemaking continued for what seemed forever. However, all good things have to come to an end. SOPA untied Internet and lowered his body on top of him. SOPA embraced him with a tender hug. In a guilty and pitiful voice SOPA pleaded “I only did this because I fell in love with you at first sight. I took advantage of you because my dad wanted me to and I thought by doing this I could please him and myself. It’s fine if you hate me afterwards I’ll—-” Internet, exhausted by the intense sex they just had cut off SOPA. “Shhh, don’t say anything.” Internet said as he placed his finger on SOPA’s lips.