>>3221
I have abused oxy. I once bought a shitty RC. Most of the stuff was around the house though, not something I bought though.

I'm worried that, since it's correlated with reducing motivation, it'd just make me stop progressing. Not to mention it costs money and I can't be spending too much.

Fucking hell how can you not see it?

You're going to focus on women so that you're sad and unable to be happy. Your body and mind is telling you that you are unwell; you are depressed. You ignore that and think that getting your dick wet is going to help matters? Darling, you can't keep yourself happy, you're going to land up in a dysfunctional relationship that will make everything worse and take a long time to recover from.

Stop thinking about women. They will come when it is there time, you will feel confident and able when it is the time. The time will come, and it will be fine. Now is not the time, now is the time to; SORT THINGS OUT. Don't waste time by asking me why, because this is just the way things are and you need to get on with it.

Please stop playing the victim, and just take some care of yourself. You are not your past, and anyway you're allowed to make mistakes.

The moment you put yourself first is the moment you change all of this for the better and begin to feel better.

>>3230
I don't just want to get my dick wet! It's something I want but geez, that's not it...

I can't help but think about how I'm not with someone. It makes me feel inferior, and I also miss the feeling of being with someone.

I don't want to meet another insecure, manipulative girl. At least not one who's like these girls. I feel like if I just maybe find the right girl it'll be fine, but I have to keep trying. I know there's a good risk I'll find someone bad again, but I have to keep trying.

I don't understand how I'm playing the victim this time, but I know that it's something I can do sometimes. Mind you, I think I wrote this when I was in a pretty bad place. I think I had a pretty major anxiety thing the day afterwards, or maybe this was relatively shortly afterwards. I had thoughts of being punished, that all the bad things that have happened are intentional. Insane, I know. It was a new low, I think, not something ordinary.

I'm so incredibly happy my new psych is a lot more willing to talk about this kind of stuff, because I seriously need to figure out what I should be trying to do. Maybe I need to somehow change what I'm attracted to, or how I act. Some kind of strategy is needed, for sure. I can't handle the way these girls make me lose sleep and send us both into massive ups and downs. I'm trying to make myself happier, but at the time I last got involved with someone, I was feeling pretty on top and it still turned out badly. I had my doubts at first with this girl but she was pretty good at manipulating, so I went with it and I ended up hurt again.