I met this girl on the Internet a few years ago. I had a crush on her almost right away, but chose to not act on it at all due to the large distance between us. I didn't think I would ever see her in person, so I decided she'd just be a friend. Not long after this however, we met in real life on a road trip with a bunch of other friends. One of these mutual friends and this girl had already decided they were dating before meeting in person. The girl knew I had a crush on her at the time, but she was always super cool about it.

Some time after this, her and her boyfriend coincidentally both moved to the area where I lived. So I hung out with them frequently. This girl was seriously devoted to this other guy, and seeing this helped me get over the crush. I was able to honestly be just friends with her without any issue. I've never had a lot of friends, and she came to be my best friend.

After a while, I found myself a girlfriend. I ended up spending all of my time with this girlfriend. I barely saw my Internet friends anymore. At some point, the two of them broke up. He had done some awful things. She moved far away back to her parents' house.

However, this girl still loves this guy who cheated on her with her best friend and committed various unspeakable acts. Recently, she thought they might be able to get back together, but instead the guy dicked her around. He had gotten a new girlfriend, and he did it the same weekend when he knew she was planning on visiting to try to reconcile. But she still loves him, even if she's angry at him. I think that if he called her up, gave a lipservice apology, and asked to get back together, she'd love to do it.

Here's where my problem comes in. I was with my girlfriend for some time and I basically lost touch with these people. I had no idea all of the terrible things had happened until very recently. Prior to learning what was going on with them, my own relationship had turned sour and I ended it just before this Internet girl was coming back to town for that visit. And spending time with her recently reminded me of how important she is to me. My emotions are a little confusing, but I want to say that I have a strong platonic love for her. However, I also have been feeling attracted to her as well lately, something that hasn't really been a problem since I first got over the crush ages ago.

During her visit, she stayed at another mutual friend's house, and I crashed there as well a few nights. A lot of marijuana was involved. However, due to cramped sleeping arrangements, we ended up sleeping in the same bed together two times. The thing is: in my intoxicated state, I ended up spooning her, cuddling her all night as we slept.

Now, I loved it. I haven't felt so great cuddling someone in ages. Remember that my own relationship had turned bad, so it's been a while since I felt so good spooning someone. She didn't say anything about it though, whether positive or negative. However, she did willingly get in bed with me the second night and didn't say anything when I cozied myself up against her as we were falling asleep. An implicit acknowledgment, I guess.

The thing is that I'm not looking to make her my girlfriend, she's already "seeing" someone anyway, and I don't really want to have sex with her either. I love her, but you could say that I'm not IN love with her. I'm physically attracted to her, and I think she knows that now. I'd really like to snuggle up with her some more too. I mentioned as such to her, asking that she doesn't share my cuddling indiscretion with the guy she's seeing because I wouldn't want my best friend's semi-boyfriend to hate me, and she indicated she'd be keeping it a secret, but didn't really say much else. She didn't say if she liked it or didn't like it, and although I said that I wanted to do it again, she didn't say whether or not she wanted to. Oh wait, she did say one thing: she thinks the guy she's seeing wouldn't even mind that her friend who is a male spooned her all night when she was out-of-town. She thinks that he wouldn't mind because she says he's open to polyamory, but yet she emphatically said she had already decided to keep the cuddling a secret.

The last few days, she keeps suggesting I go visit her at her parents' house since I've been talking a lot about how bored and lonely I am since my breakup. I want to go, and I might be able to this weekend. I think that her implicitly allowing me to spoon her that second night before is a sign that she'd be OK with doing so again, but I was just looking for a little outside insight. I don't think she's ever expressed an attraction toward me at all, and this case of us cuddling together while sleeping is the closest thing to it. However, when we met in person for the very first time before, she was willing to share a bed with me due to limited bedding, although I never touched her that time.

If I visit her and we do cuddle together, I also think there is a good chance that I might escalate once I get there in the moment. I'm not trying to have sex with her, become her boyfriend, or even ruin her semi-relationship with whoever it is she's "seeing", but I think it's pretty likely I might try to kiss her if I'm intoxicated and we cuddle. I want to get intoxicated with her and I want to cuddle her, but I think kissing might be too much. Not only do I think she wouldn't be OK with that, but I feel like it might open the emotional floodgates on me, and I don't want to open that whole can of worms while I'm still recovering from my breakup.

Sorry if my story/thoughts are a little rambly, so to wrap it up: I had a crush on this girl, got over my crush, she's never expressed any attraction toward me, she broke up with her boyfriend and I broke up with my girlfriend, we cuddled together and nothing else, she's still in love with her awful ex-boyfriend, I want to cuddle again but I am not really looking for anything else other than keeping her as my best friend. I guess ultimately my question is if this is all really weird, and how should I handle this?