The last time I saw a friend was about 250 days ago. I've been in a state of more or less isolation for somewhere around two and a half years at this point, and early this year was when I finally lost contact with the only friend I had left. The only human contact I've had in the time since has been with my direct family who I still live with (in other words, I haven't left the house since).

My situation is a pathetic one, although not entirely unpredictable looking back on my life. I've always been the unmotivated type, so I suppose it should come as no surprise that once I finished education I hadn't even the motivation to leave the house, much less maintain a social life or find employment.

I'm not afraid of leaving the house, nor am I afraid of people, and while it is my preference to avoid human contact when possible, I'm not incapable of talking to people (although I can't be relied upon to carry the conversation). The only explanation for my lifestyle I can come up with is that I must be one of the laziest people to have ever lived, but I feel like that doesn't address the full situation, since even a lazy person must require some level of interpersonal relationship in their life, whereas I seem to be quite happy to make do with none.

I suppose it's worth noting at this point that my parting with my only remaining friend was a decision I made, not one that was particularly forced on me. The last time I saw that friend was when we went out for drinks together, and as the night was winding down I happened to run into someone I hadn't seen in a long time who I decided to stay out with (my friend went home at this point). I was already considerably intoxicated at this point, and come the next day I was left with mere fragmented memories me of making a fool of myself in various ways. I'm very sensitive to what other people think of me, so I weighed the humiliation I would feel from leaving the house and being seen by someone who recognised me from that night with the benefits of spending time with my friend and decided quite selfishly that I wouldn't leave the house again until sufficient time had passed that I felt confident nobody who saw me that night would remember me. Perhaps this decision was so easy for me to make because it's one I've made on a larger scale on a past occasion, involving not just one friend but my entire clique of friends, although the reason for shutting myself in that time wasn't so much embarrassment as it was danger to my physical well-being.

From that older period of isolation and this current one, I've learned that I seem to be content without any sort of interpersonal relationships... although if that's true then why did I type all this out? I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, which is especially prevalent lately, that something must be wrong with me if I feel fine living this way, but at the same time I wonder if I'm just trying to shift the blame for my situation onto a mental illness of some sort so that I can avoid yet further responsibility for my own life.

I just don't know anymore, /mind/.

TL;DR, read the first and last paragraphs if you don't feel like reading all the lead up. You should be able to get the general idea from that.