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/docta/, /docta/, gimme the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you.



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2574 No. 2574
Hey /docta/,

I went through a very bad breakup in February. My ex no longer speaks to me, and I was in a very bad depression (not diagnosed as such, just my own feelings) for quite a while after. I'm feeling less depressed now, but it still weighs very heavily on me. I havn't been avoiding my friends and have been keeping busy; but I've been much less productive. I have been unable to write creatively (a favorite hobby) since; the one short I did was a total flop with my small group of fellow amateur writers; and other efforts haven't gotten off the ground. I feel like I'm moping about this and should be able to cowboy up and get over her; but I find that I don't know how. When a friend told me I was "just between girls" it made me feel like I was a kid crying that he doesn't want a new gold fish after one dies.

For what it's worth, the break up was my fault. I didn't cheat or run out on a pregnancy or something else cliche like that. But I badly hurt her feelings and couldn't commit to something because I was too afraid of the idea at the time.

I feel like it's disrespectful of me to still be broken up over this. I wish I could still be her friend, but I know I can't be and reaching out again would just be cruel. I don't know what to do.
>> No. 2575
I've just started reading "Life Coaching, A Cognitive-Behavioural Approach" which I think would suit you very well at the moment. Have a go with it, it's helpful and it sounds like what you need.

You're hurt over a breakup as well as being depressed. Depression attacks us, so that things we once enjoyed no longer stimulate us, friends we used to enjoy no longer appeal to us, we stay still and we hide, all the while over-thinking in our heads.

A few brief points to help you;

>For what it's worth, the break up was my fault. I didn't cheat or run out on a pregnancy or something else cliche like that. But I badly hurt her feelings and couldn't commit to something because I was too afraid of the idea at the time.

The two of you made decisions to react to situations in certain ways. It is okay that you felt like you couldn't commit, and you do have the right to hurt other people's feelings. By the sounds of it, you were struggling enough in the first place, a depressed person is in no position to deal with larger and more external problems. You have 'emotional blocks' that prevent or hinder your interaction with the world. It might be better to phrase this along the lines of "I'm depressed at the moment and I have been having a really hard time, I am trying to work my way out of it, but my ex decided to break up with me. I want to change my approach to this situation so that I learn better how to manage my emotions, so that I don't cause this to happen again."

>I feel like it's disrespectful of me to still be broken up over this. I wish I could still be her friend, but I know I can't be and reaching out again would just be cruel. I don't know what to do.

Time is a healer, and it might simply be a case of allowing time to pass by before you can actually offer a meaningful word or two to settle things a little better. I recently made amends with an ex who I treated pretty badly a few years ago.
>> No. 2631
Don't act like the world is your small circle. It's human nature, I know, but sometimes the past just needs to be The Past. So learn your lessons and leave it alone. No more of that girl. New relationships now.
Between girls is unpadded, but correct.


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