There is this girl i love lets call her girl j. We had both been casually dating for just over a year including breaks. She treated me like shit and i wouldnt talk to her until she was nice again. We both were on a sex dry spell for about four years prior to meeting eachother, she still hasnt had sex. Well on the second break i had slept with girl a and broke it off for girl j. On the second break i slept with girl s which was her friend. Well we saw eachother 2 months into me and girl s's dating span and i broke it off with girl s for girl j. I told girl j that me the 'other girls' relationship wasnt serious. I stayed the night and we got all cuddly and afterwards i told her that it was girl s. A day later she found out that we were together for two months and flipped, i later revealed that we had slept together she got more upset, this actually hurt her really bad. i managed damage control but she asked me if there were any others and i told her no. Then she asked me to come clean about anything i should tell her and i told her that me and girl a cuddled a little. Today we hung out and she told me that if i ever told her a lie or half truth again she would call it good and wash her hands of me. It is possible that she will find out about girl a. It is eating me up inside not telling her because out of this WHOLE past year this is the closest we have ever been. I dont want to lose her but I think i might have to tell her before someone else does, it has been four months since girl a and i dont think its out there but in the future its possible. Its unfair that i keep this secret from her but i dont want to let the past mess up my future with girl j. Should i risk it and tell her or should i let it flourish and let time take care of my demons.
This isn't love. It's obsession. Move on, for both your sakes. Some people just aren't meant to be together. You're forcing it. Don't.
Seriously, leave all of this. It's childish. Goddamn, where's Cas when you need him? You rarely need Cas, but now is the only time. Cas, tell these obviously underaged kids to do something.
It's what he's into, so let it be. My advice is to tell her. The sooner the better. It will only eat you up inside and create more problems later if you don't. It's not like you did it to hurt her, anyway. But you're hurting her more and more every day you don't tell her.
Thank you two for your advice, I do see how/why Im obsessed, to be frank it is messed up how I could be so attached. Im going to try to make myself right, so to speak. I will do a follow up in the next few days to see how it pans out and also when im not busy with traveling.