First of all, congratulations on this awesome opportunity! I'm glad things are working out for you.

But just to be clear, are you asking for advice on how to break up with your boyfriend? Because that's what it sounds like. I'm not sure that's necessary. If you're both dedicated to each other, you can make it work. It is possible for relationships to survive long periods of separation. It's hard, but people do it.

I would suggest remaining together, but planning to revisit the issue in six months or so. After you've been separated for a while, and you both have a better idea of how difficult (or not) it is to be apart from each other, be prepared to have the conversation again, over Skype or the phone, and see how you feel. Otherwise you may kick yourself for letting go of a good thing.

Thank you. I guess you're right. I think I'm just feeling selfish for going overseas for school and eventually work, and I don't want to put him through that. There's this feeling that we want to completely different things out of life, and although we get along well, we're going different places. He plans to stay in the United States, and I plan on going back to Japan, after I come back and graduate. In doing so, I hope to further increase my fluency (I've completed the advanced course at my University, so that's the only real option I have to improve further) and go to grad school there. After that, I hope to spend time in China (My proficiency is still at an elementary level, since I've only received tutoring from Chinese friends) to improve my skills in Chinese as well, and study various other languages, while working as a translator. The next decade of my life will be almost entirely overseas -- yes, I'll be back in the states from time to time, but those will be short visits.

When we first started dating, I was very naive; the reality of all of this hadn't sunk in, and it was as if I thought we could just fly back and forth to see each other every weekend. Knowing how both of us are, I'm certain that the likelihood of our relationship surviving my first trip abroad is very slim, and ten or more years apart seems even more unlikely.

I think it's because of that, and because I care for him, that I felt doing it over the internet was too impersonal of a way to do it. I know how much worse it felt for me to be broken up over the phone than it did in person, since it made me feel like they were just trying to run away. So, I don't want to do the same. There's also the feeling, that I would rather see him happy with someone else, than being with someone he only is able to see once a year. Although, at the same time, I agree with you. I'm struggling to say anything to him, because I feel like I'd be letting one of the best things in my life go. I doubt I would ever find someone exactly like him again, and I know it would cause him and I both a lot of pain. If I did break up with him, it would be because it would be less painful for both of us, in the end.

You aren't being selfish by going overseas. If a particular lifestyle is more important to you than being with this dude, then that's the way it is. It sounds as though you're being respectful and honest.

Also, yes, being broken up with over the internet sucks, but in a situation like this it's a perfectly reasonable way to do it because of the logistics. Besides, he'll already know that the conversation is coming, because the two of you will have discussed it beforehand.

I guess what strikes me the most in your situation is how you're considering breaking up with him for his sake- but not including him in the decision. If his feelings are what you want to protect, shouldn't you ask him how he wants to proceed?

Thanks. I thought about what you said and asked him what he wanted to do. We're still trying to work things out, and it looks like we're gonna try and stay together for now. Although, we left things open, so we can continue talking about this. So, hopefully things work out.

>>2338
That sounds like the healthiest thing to do, I think. Good luck to you both.