You could try being rich. That works on most women.

Do not have sex with your mother. She is your mother, don't have sex with her.

Tell her you're going to Europe for a while

>>75943
Wait, why would that woo someone's mom? I don't get it.

>>75951
She'll have sex with you in exchange for you staying. Female mothers are known to go to great lengths to ensure their sons and potential mates do not leave the nest. Also, you can blow into their butthole like an NES cartridge if they start acting up.

>>75943
That only works for blowjobs. If you hellza want to nail her, you have to tell her you're going into space.

>>75953
How do I convince her that I'm going to space? She knows I am not nearly fit enough for NASA to consider making me an astronaut.

>>75957
NASA wants to see what happens to untrained people in space because of the Mars mission. If she wishes to know more you tell her it's confidential.

Tell her the Canadian Space Agency hired you. They'll hire anyone.

And now that I think about it, so does NASA. If they'll hire that crazy diaper lady, why wouldn't they hire you.

Reapeat these sentences to your mom verbatim.

>>75990
I prefer the Zambian space agency. They don't have crazy diaper ladies because they are too poor to afford diapers. And, well, they have cats.

>>75992
Don't tell anyone but I have an idea for a sitcom about an African space program

;-)

Just explain to her in stright forward terms, "Mom, I would like to have sex with you. We should have sex. Not even passionate sex, just let me fuck on you until i cum in you. Also, pull out your boobies so I can play with them and watch them move around as I fuck on your pelvis."

>>76264
I don't think we need another sitcom consisting of racist stereotypes written by a white guy.

>>76283
You're being racist by insinuating that all white guys harbor racist stereotypes.

>>76287

Your mother is racist because she will only take BBCs into her gaping, cum-coated vagina, anus, and mouth.

>>76288
Don't be mad because your mum has to settle for ITV2's and Channel 5's.

British television frightens me.

fuck seducing. some ativan in her soda would do the trick.

>>76295
I don't blame you. Black Mirror and Jam are about as unsettling as pop culture can get outside of Japan.

>>76298
My mom doesn't drink soda. She only drinks nyquil

>>76307
its ok just cut it with something cold, cold drinks mask the benzo taste like magic.

>>76317
Nyquil isn't a benzo you stundle of bicks

>>76337
but Ativan (like >>76298 said) is, you catamite.

Slip one into her NyQuil for maximum effect.

>>76338
>catamite
Go back to bed, Cormac.

>>76338
no need to mix it. op: ativan is potent enough to induce amnesia and hypnosis with proper dosing. its short acting and doesnt have active metabolites (keep in mind it still breaks down to inactive metabolites). use 10-11mg for people with normal weight, dont worry death and coma happens usually when mixed with other shit like alcohol or on very high doses. if shes overweight you might need a higher dose than 12mg. ballza luck

>>76341

I thought you were joking at first, but nope, creepy rapey fuck.

>>76341
Could you post more interesting facts?

>>76343
yeah, fuck alcohol. thats some big time rubbish. here is an interesting fact for you.

>>76343
Diet Gatorade mixed with Diet Dr Pepper? I know white girls' taste in drinks suck, but come on. Even they have to draw the line somewhere.

>>76343
>place the gatorade and a can of soda in the freezer. Leave them for three hours

Boom.

rude

rude

>>76354
No one's commenting on the ludicrousness of this picture? hellza?

>>76390
I just took his word for it. Okras a vegtable, vegtables are healthy right?

>>76354
>one volunteer said that their blood glucose decreased
"My blood glucose decreased."
"Fuck measuring it, fuck the scientific method! If he says it, it's ballza enough for me!"

>>76354
If that were true then gumbo would kick diabetes' ass.

>>76398

You know, you say that jokingly, but why else do you think diabetes rates in the south are just a fraction of those elsewhere?

>>76403
Because they die of heart disease before getting diabetes?