Sorry for my rambling.

This is basically my first serious job but after about a year and a couple of months, I just feel so completely incompetent and disorganized. I put in loads of unpaid overtime and rarely use up my lunch-and coffee breaks but that is probably just a sign of the former. I keep missing deadlines, stuff just "falls" off my radar, the office is a mess and I'm pretty sure I am widely believed to be a psycho though I try to act as friendly and be as helpful as possible to anyone approaching me. Given my pale complexion and stature of a heroin addict caused by sparse and utilitarian eating habits and the fact that I'm not outgoing and sociable at all- well, I won't blame them.

Given all that, I realize that I am a terrible employee and if I should ever reference this job and future employers should follow up on my claims things wouldn't look too bright.

Thing is, my apprenticeship contract makes me pretty much unfirable so my ultimate employer and my actual boss/coworker probably have to work with that. Though despite it all, I never heard the slightest remark about how I could (let alone should) be replaced so even though despite still trying hard to have a productive day, subconsciously I am probably just itching for an excuse.

I don't know. I take that as a sign that they indeed just want someone long term but I just keep messing up (and having my boss/coworker (they are one person) remarking on it).

I am also feeling like shit all the time. I know full well that this job was a tremendous chance that would have allowed me to eventually move out and I am headed straight for a string of temp-jobs and a few more years of having my mother tolerate me under her roof but the fact that wrong motivations fuel my desire to quit for a right reason (incompetence) is probably an issue for another day.

The thing I wanted to ask is this:

1. Given that I am pretty much a terrible person on top of being a terrible employee, how can I quit as gracefully as possible and potentially show my gratitude for this huge opportunity (and dozens of undeserved "breaks") I have been given?

2. How can I justify my quitting to my one coworker or anyone approaching me? My actual plan would be to try and work part time with a freelancer in my field to try and confirm the meager skills I have acquired or definitely confirm my decision once and for all. But while trying to look for something in that direction, I would be getting the necessary qualifications to become a busdriver. But for that, I feel kind of ashamed if I would have to honestly tell my boss or coworkers.