OP here,
Feel free to tell me to harden the fuck up because you're probably right.

Op yet again... I do crazy things when I'm tired.

I'm a recovered (or so I thought) self mutilator, alcoholic and drug addict who had a physically and psychologically abusive 3 year long relationship.

I actually had to psych myself up to admit that when I'm bloody anonymous. Derp.
I stopped most of this a year (some things earlier) ago.

MORE RANTING!
I want to get fucking loaded and I'm finding it a tad hard to control these urges.

I think I just needed to vent. I think I've decided that It's pretty bloody obvious why I'm having these tendencies.

Oh sweet Jesus I'm essentially having a conversation with myself.


Then the sudden realisation came that I probably should have put these messy posts on /mind/.

See a doctor. Depression is a disease, and you need medical attention.

http://locator.apa.org/

>>951

This 1 million times. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Go to a doctor.

OP here.

To be honest I think I should just stop drinking, that would help somewhat.

>>956
Stopping drinking could definitely help. You know who could help you stop drinking, and help you deal with any problems that either come up or keep happening? A psychologist. See one.

>So why the fuck am I so depressed I can't get out of bed most mornings?
How the fuck would we know? Depression is a serious issue. No matter how much we try, we can't solve this for you. You need professional help.

Don't try to deal with it by yourself because it won't work. You've already admitted you have a problem and want help to solve it. That's great, and is not something easy to do. You now need to take the next step and seek professional help. And don't leave it for next week, the problem won't go away by itself no matter how much you try to avoid it.

So hey, I'm not OP but I can relate to this. I've been dealing with a cocktail of depression and anxiety for 14 years and it has kinda come to define my life. I can't work traditional jobs because of the weeks where I'm virtually comatose and so take odd jobs and freelance online. I don't self mutilate but I drink enough that it may as well be the same thing. The standard advice is "go see a doctor" which is probably the best thing to do. My life is so disorganized I can say without embellishment that I seriously don't know my social security number, much less have any kind of insurance. I'm willing to bet I can't just stroll into someone's office and say "Fix me!" without having any real identification or more than five to ten bucks to my name that isn't tied to food.

OP has money, flatmates, kickass motorcycle job, her life is in order. Mine is not. Not intending to threadjack but what do I do?

>>962
Look for free therapy. I don't know where you are, but this is one near me:

http://www.berkeleyfreeclinic.org/pages/pcc

>>964

South-central North Carolina. This is redneck country and "we" don't believe in hippy free treatment centers like Berkeley. Or art that doesn't involve guns. Or anything other than misdirection of scientific fact, like rising sea levels.

Maybe I'm not depressed at all, just surrounded by assholes. I was dropped here when my family moved away and have couch-surfed across the country but with my life in shambles as it is, I don't know how to rebuild myself. The easy answer is "You're already too broken to fix. Cap yourself in the head and be done with it." I'm very interested in getting help but I don't know where to start considering the usual starting points for most are alien and unavailable to me.