See a doctor and describe your symptoms of paranoia and anxiety.

Dude, first of all, I've just say that the closer to the end of your post I got, the less decipherable it became. I don't wanna stress you out, man, but you might want to consider that if you can't pass English 12, you'll have another whole year in highschool to work out your social angst issues, only at a significant disadvantage due to the stigma associated with being on the "5 year plan".

As for the general meat-and-potatoes of plea, it seems to me that the entirety of your issues is rooted in self-esteem/confidence problems. When it comes to people talking about you behind your back, or mustering up the courage to talk to a girl for fear of being shot down, all I've got to tell you is "fuck 'em". That's as close it comes as there being a magic word that's suddenly gonna imbue you with confidence - if that's what you were hoping for - because all a guy can really do is give you the logic behind self-validation, and it's still up to you to process and accept the logic and then muster up the first bit of courage to act on it.
People can talk all the crap they want, and girls can pass you up because they allegedly don't know any better, but if YOU know that you're a right-thinking person and YOU know that your actions are true then you don't need anybody else's validation. You have your own mind and conscience that tell you right from wrong, correct from incorrect, and when you follow through on that then like-minded people will gravitate toward you. You have to put yourself out there though, striding forward with the courage to get stabbed in the back or take an "eww, no" to the face. Don't think of those things as opportunities for failure though, because brushing a knife out of your shoulder like so much dirt or shrugging off the rejection of girl like you know it's just one opportunity among millions is the sort of thing that shows the sort of strength that a person can have true self-confidence about.

Learn to think less and slow down. Stop being a drama queen; accept that you have low self esteem and work on it. Ask people for help, learn to capitalize the letter I when writing.

Also, make time based goals and stick to them OP.

What are your upcoming appointments?

I have a psychologist appointment Friday the 16th at 9am

I have a physiotherapist appointment Monday the 19th at 3pm

Finally, I have a first date on Monday night

The trick is to not give a fuck, beta-chan

The trick is to not give a fuck, beta-chan

>>1768
That's hardly a trick. It's more of a cliche.

>>1675

I wrote a whole big narrative about taking time to develop your sense of self and really learn who you are, but then I remembered that all the kids who were doing that in high school were just weird fucks. That's more of a mid-twenties and single journey (sidenote: don't marry young; as a male there is no incentive or benefit to do so).

I'm instead going to recommend a book to you. The book is "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It's an older book, but the principles are solid. It will essentially tell you how to become a salesman. To become a salesman, you must know how to talk to people, and how to get them talking to you. I'm not saying it will get you a girlfriend--the book itself admits early on that its methods are not geared toward building substantive relationships--but it will illustrate techniques for breaking the ice and making conversation easier.

Also, just read books in general. Become knowledgeable. Keep up with current events, pick a sport and learn the ins and outs (that's for talking to dudes), learn some skills. In a nutshell, broaden your horizons. The more you know, the more likely you are to have knowledge of a mutually interesting topic when you approach a girl. Then give your balls a tug, waltz up to this bitch, prepare to utilize your friend-winning techniques and your vast knowledge, and give her your sweetest icebreaker. I can't help you there; that's going to depend on your personality.