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File 13504282545.jpg - (58.49KB , 1024x768 , 129514383414.jpg )
1134 No. 1134
Posted this in the wrong board earlier. Would anyone be willing to do a short review of my attempt at a formal letter to the hospital?
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>> No. 1135
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1135
This is the first draft..

Dear CEO,
I have talked with several members of the staff about my situation but none seemed too receptive. I had a bit of a rough time at Brandon Regional Hospital, but before I begin I’d like to thank you ahead of time for your services. Things seem to run quite smoothly at your facilities and your employees’ knowledge seems vast and their skills all highly professed. The hospital as a whole, I think, runs together quite smoothly like a single sentient being carefully catering to its patients as if they were family. With everyone’s help I’ve managed to shed some light on what it is that ails me. The process of getting to this point is what bothers me though.

My initial visit to ER went okay I think. But somewhere down the line, things didn’t go quite so well. I showed up to ER on my mother’s Birthday, just two days apart from my own. Of my possessions, a large sum of cash was misplaced from the contents of my wallet. This was largely cash I was not expecting to have since it was lovingly given to me on my birthday by my mother. Part of it was also from two cashback advances I made prior to my Birthday. These two amounts together became an equivalent of which was far too much for any one individual in their rightmost, logical mind to carry on their person. The amount may not seem like much in the long-term, but to me, someone whom has dealt with mental issues the vast majority of his life; it was just a delayed paycheck. After all, I am a few months behind rent, and that is partly the reason I decided to take my tour of your facilities.

I’d like to thank all those at the hospital who did help me coordinate my life in the right direction. For far too long, have I followed a compass that pointed far South instead of North. For far too long, have I suffered quietly and modestly, stepping aside so as not to obstruct anyone else who was headed in the right direction. Troubled I may be, but troubling I will always try not to be. My visit might have been exceedingly short, but I believe its implications to be the sole precursor to a life-changing event for myself. I now no longer see myself quite so much as someone who believes himself smaller than his own physical stature. And for this I could not possibly thank you and all the employees within your facility enough. I’d list all the employees one at a time, but that would take up a whole page.

I do not expect compensation to my one loss, for I have already received far more than I’d respectfully accept. I wanted you to know, though, that at some point someone might have made a slight misstep in their ventures and offset a very troubled someone else. It is also within my hopes that I might share the same professionalism your staff has, as a future doctor. If all goes well, it is my dream to cast off the shackles of an immensely low and proportionally weighty self-esteem, and to see within reason, reason within life. Maybe, if I am fortunate enough, I too will someday work at a facility as prospective and well-managed as your own.

Thank you.
>> No. 1137
It's slightly vague. I kind of want to hear the whole story, but at the same time I understand that might be too much. You are trying to get a point across and that point was received.
>> No. 1143
>>1137
I can give you the whole story if you want. It was quite an interesting experience getting committed to a hospital's behavioral unit. I was only there for about 2 days too. Going in that place made me feel like my own problems were just a raindrop in an ocean, or something like that.
>> No. 1148
You need to start faking that self confidence now, in this letter. Stop walking on eggshells and tell them like your words should matter.


Points you are trying to make:

1) Thank you for your facility's aid. You have good people working for you. That said...
2) Someone in your employ is a thief, and I expect you to take appropriate action.

If you want to get personal with these folk, that's one thing, but if you want them to look into the fact that you had money stolen from you while you were in a 72 hour hold, then bold that shit out.
>> No. 1198
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1198
Got the money /ask/

Lately, I've been having a tough time and tonight's particularly rough. What are some good things I can do to get my mind off things so I can actually sleep once in a while?
>> No. 1199
>>1198
Actually, I might have found a solution

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU

as well as a goal
>> No. 1202
You're writing like you're doing homework for a rudimentary highschool English course. Get to the fucking point and be done with it. There aren't any minimum word counts and these people are busy. Also, don't use "whom" unless you know how to use it correctly, which you do not, and remove all semicolons.

Like >>1148 said, get to the point. Leave out all of your personal life story, because they do not care. Get to the point. This isn't a formal letter. It's a bad creative writing assignment.


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