WHY DOESN'T SHE FIND ME INTERESTING?! I MEAN, I TRY TO TALK TO HER ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS AND SHIT, BUT MOST OF THE TIME SHE DOESN'T SEEM INTERESTED, REPLIES IN SOME FUCKING MADE UP LANGUAGE, AND GIVES ME A RED NEGATIVE SIGN.

I TRY MY HARDEST. I REALLY DO. WE EVEN GOT TO DANCE ONE TIME, BUT WHEN I TRY TO KISS HER, SHE PUSHES ME AWAY AND GIVES ME TWO GODDAMN NEGATIVE MARKS. LIKE A BIG, "FUCK YOU, CREEP," RIGHT IN MY FACE. AND THEN SHE STARTED TALKING TO TED. MOTHERFUCKING TED. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT TED. THIS MOTHERFUCKER LIVES SOMEWHERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AND DECIDED TO JUST DROP ON BY THE DAY AFTER I MOVED IN. RIGHT WHEN I HAD INVITED HER OVER. CHEAP PIECE OF SHIT EVEN ATE TWO SLICES OF MY PIZZA, AND FUCKING CHANGED THE TV CHANNEL. THIS DUDE'S HOUSE LOOKS LIKE SHIT. WITH HIS FUCKING ROOF AND SLOPPY COLOR SCHEME. GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULL JIVE.

AND HELL, MY POOL HAS THREE MOTHERFUCKING LADDERS. TED AIN'T GOT NO POOL. JUST SOME PIECE OF SHIT HOT TUB AND SOME WEEDS GROWING AROUND IT. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON MY PRIVACY HEDGES. THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE SWEET AS TITS. WHAT THE FUCK IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT HIM? WHY WON'T SHE FALL IN LOVE WITH ME? AM I DESTINED TO ALWAYS BE ALONE? WHY CAN'T I GET THE GIRL?!