YOU FUCKING HIPSTER PIECE OF SHIT. I DO NOT COLLECT VINYL BECAUSE IT IS COUNTER-CULTURAL, META OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALL IT, I AM A FUCKING MUSIC LOVER!

MY TURNTABLE, KNOW HOW I GOT IT? I WORKED MY ASS OFF WITH TWO JOBS TO AFFORD IT, AS WELL AS THAT NEEDLE WITH THE FREQUENCY RESPONSE THAT CUNTPUNTING DOGS CAN'T HEAR! WHAT DO YOU HAVE? A SHITTY LITTLE IMITATION VINTAGE CROSLEY RECORD CHANGER THAT YOU GOT ON DISCOUNT BECAUSE IT LOOKED "DECK". DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT THING DOES TO RECORDS? WHAT KIND OF HIDEOUS PAIN THAT INFLICTS ON THOSE RECORDS? YOU'RE DESTROYING RARE ORIGINAL PRESSINGS! THEY'RE RECORDS, NOT CLUTCH DISKS!

WONDERING WHY MY RECORDS SOUND SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS? BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF THEM. EVERY TIME BEFORE I SPIN ONE, I HIT IT WITH THE ZEROSTAT, HIT IT WITH THE DUST BRUSH AND DUST OFF THE NEEDLE, WHICH WAS CALIBRATED ON A DIGITAL SCALE TO APPLY 0.9 GRAMS OF TRACKING FORCE. THAT'S WHY MY SHIT SOUNDS BETTER THAN YOURS. NOT BECAUSE MY PRESSINGS ARE BETTER BUT BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING. THE LAST TIME SOMEONE TOUCHED MY TURNTABLE THEY SNAPPED THE NEEDLE OFF. I REPAID HIM BY SLASHING HIS TIRES. COST ABOUT THE SAME TO REPAIR.

YOU TOOTHPICK-LIMBED CUNTSWABS ARE THE REASON VINYL PRICES ARE GOING UP. EVEN FOR THE SHIT THAT YOU DON'T WANT. $40 FOR A YES ALBUM? IF I EVER MEET YOU I WILL GLUE YOUR LIPS TO THE TAILPIPE OF MY VAN AND STEP ON THE ACCELERATOR UNTIL I'M OUT OF GAS.

FUCKING FUCK. NO APOLOGIES GIVEN FOR THE SOMEWHAT ESOTERIC RAGE. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING FUCK IS GIVEN.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I GET BANNED, I HAD TO RAGE.