NOTHING. EVER. GOES. MY. WAY.

I FLIP A COIN AND CALL HEADS, IT'S TAILS.
I FLIP A COIN AND CALL TAILS, IT'S HEADS.
I WANT A BOWL OF ICE CREAM, SO I GET OUT THE SPOON AND THE CARTON, AND I MAKE THAT FIRST SCOOP INTO THE CARTON AND THE CARTON SLIPS OUT OF MY HANDS, FALLS OVER AND I GET DRENCHED IN ICE CREAM. I PLAY A VIDEO GAME, AND I ALWAYS MAKE IT TO THE FINAL LEVEL BEFORE I RUN OUT OF LIVES. I WANT TO LISTEN TO A FAVORITE SONG OF MINE AND THE DAMN INTERNET FREEZES UP SO I HAVE TO RE-BOOT. I TAKE A WALK ON A NICE DAY AND WITHIN 10 MINUTES, A BIRD TAKES A HUGE FUCKING SHIT ON ME. I'M WATCHING TV AND AS I'M FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS, THE REMONE RUNS OUT OF BATTERY LIFE. I DO SOME LAUNDRY AND WHEN I TAKE THE CLOTHES OUT OF THE DRYER, THEY COME OUT TWICE AS SMALL BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HUNG-DRIED. I WANT A CUP OF TEA, SO WHEN THE WATER ON THE POT IS DONE BOILING, I GRAB A MUG AND START TO POUR ONLY FOR THE DAMN POT TO POUR SCALDING WATER ALL OVER MY HAND CAUSING ME TO DROP THE DAMN THING ON MY FOOT.

I BET IF I WENT TO A CASINO AND TRIED A SINGLE ROUND OF SLOTS, THE DAMN MACHINE WOULD FUCKING BURST INTO FLAMES AND SHOOT SUPER HOT COINS AT MY FACE.

FUCK.