ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER-----HILARIOUS!

This apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe How is
it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I
bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the
Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
* My birth date you have on my pension book.
* It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.
* It is on my National Health card.
* My driving license.
My car insurance.
* On the last eight damn passports I've had.
* It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.
* All those insufferable census forms.


* Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name
is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be abso-fucking-lutely
astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!!!!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've
had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, and then you ask me for my fucking
address!!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and
park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe
you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy
city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of 30
quid.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather
have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut
off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on
the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(bureaucratic fuckin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're
totally pissed off!

Signed
An Irate Citizen.

P.S.. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...............

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full
security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly
secretive missions all over the world.

......... However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you
know, someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!


Sincerely,